Hold on to Jesus - He Never Changes!

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Hebrews 13:8
Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning.  Psalm 30:5b

In Oswald Chambers devotional "My Utmost for His Highest" he makes several statements that God used to bring me conviction and peace this morning.  "Once you have right relationship with God through salvation and sanctification, remember that whatever your circumstances may be, you have been placed in them by God.  And God uses the reaction of your life to your circumstances to fulfill His purpose, as long as you continue to 'walk in the light as He is in the light' (1 John 1:7)"

Anyone who knows me knows I have been floundering for quite some time.  Battling with emotions and dealing with depression in ways that I never knew possible.  Truthfully, I have spent a great deal of time being disappointed in myself and "the reaction of" my life to my "circumstances".  I still am.

I spent many years trying to be all that I thought a "good" daughter, wife, mother, homeschool mom, staff wife and friend should be and all of that under the umbrella of being a "good" Christian.  All the while I have sought the Lord to the best of my ability and yet I spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to be what I thought fit the mold of "godly" and not only just according to what the Word says, but what I thought others expected.  One of the biggest challenges has been my own tendency toward perfectionism and realizing that I can never measure up and being devastated that I disappoint.  I know what I am supposed to think, supposed to do, supposed to be and yet I haven't accepted the truth as often as I should to live victory in Christ, that of course, I don't measure up, no one does.  Yet, because of Jesus, God loves me and because of His righteousness I "measure up."

I have not handled the changes in life with grace as often as I wish I had, instead I have been angry, disappointed, hurt and grieved beyond measure.  I question God as to why He has me in this place and in His mercy, grace and forgiveness He just holds me and tells me to cease striving, stop fighting, be still and know that He is God - Psalm 46:10.  And yet apparently fighting and striving are what I do best - ha!  So He has had His work cut out for Him to truly teach me this.  I am on this Journey His Way and I am learning ever so slowly, but oh so gratefully, that He is faithful and that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  I hold on to the fact that joy will come in the morning!

We all struggle in some way, shape or form, but we can hold on to the Truth of His Word and of Who He Is!!!

I am determined that I will trust God because I know He will give me the strength to do so.  He has me and He is fully aware of my shortcomings, of my circumstances and my desire to overcome.  I want to truly learn to rest in Him and be one of those  "who believes in Him, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within" (John 7:38).  And as a godly woman I once heard teach shared, His Living Water will then fill me to overflowing and splash out all over those I come in contact with.  I don't have to see it to trust that God will do this work in me if I chose to walk in the light as He is in the light and trust that I am right where He wants me to be.

He will do the same for you, my friend. Trust Him where you are...

Father God, You know the plans You have for me, plans for good and not harm, plans for my future and a hope.  You know exactly why You have me right where I am today.  Forgive me for doubting You and for not believing that You have everything under control.  Please Lord, may You increase and enable me decrease.  Forgive me for so often getting in Your way with my own ideas, plans and my emotions particularly.  Thank You for teaching me that it is okay to grieve and it is okay to be disappointed.  Thank You for reminding me that You never change and that my effectiveness for You is not the main thing but that my heart for You is.  I can trust You to make me as effective as You want me to be.  Give me ears to hear You and the strength to obey.  Thank You for the depression (though I still ask that You remove it) because it is that thing that You use to keep bringing my eyes back to You.  I trust that there is joy in the morning because I know You are there just as You are in times of weeping.  May I not wait for the joy or for it to look like or feel like I think it should but to be careful to praise You and thank You for what is right now.  Thank You for holding me, Father.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.