I enjoy things differently than other people. So does Mark, so I guess that works out well, huh? We don't do much decorating. In fact the years that we could, we got away with no decorations!!! (Because we were going on mission trips during the Christmas season.) Now, I put out my wooden tree, in the corner of the living room underneath the glass ornaments that hang there all year round. The nativity and our stockings. That's it. We, all five of us, are happy; however it certainly does distress some of our friends ;)
So in thinking about Christmas and how really and truly I do not get very excited about it at all. I am certainly thankful for Jesus and His birth, no question, but to celebrate as everyone else does just kind of escapes me. I love seeing the decorations others put up, hearing about their traditions and knowing they are experiencing joy. I love to make things for others, simple little gifts, but to go out an buy presents for those of us who already have more than we need just because we are supposed to doesn't work for me very well. I don't like to buy presents unless I know it is something that someone will really, really like. I do not like exchanging money just because we don't know what to get. I mean what is wrong with just sharing a hug and saying Merry Christmas or just being glad to see someone? Why does it have to look a certain way and then that certain way is different for each and every person? We like to get something for someone when we find something that reminds us of them and give it to them then! Haven't we always been told that it is the thought that counts. Yeah, well how does that really work out for you? We say so many things that we don't really mean, don't we?
In talking to my girls this morning I asked them if they felt like they were getting 'cheated' out of Christmas, or if there was anything that they missed that they wanted me to decorate with or whatever. Nothing, they don't like to mess with it any more than I do. One of them made what I thought was a very sweet statement. Basically she said she likes how we just have random people over during the Christmas season or on Christmas Day, actually any holiday or occasion. We enjoy people. Relationships matter to us, but the funny thing is I am like the least 'hostess-y' that anyone could be. I just don't think of things like others do. I am really good at hanging out though ;-) I am better at the spontaneous, hey let's do this or have someone over rather than the planning. If I plan something I tend to dread it. Yep, it's frustrating, but true. She also said she likes how our family has always been about missions, about doing something for or in the community. This made me smile. We are not some super spiritual people over at our house, actually we are almost too practical for our own good, but we just like the people part of the holiday rather than the particular thing that we do.
I guess I am saying all of this because, I overthink and I sit here and wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me, I mean why do I not enjoy the holidays more? Why do I just feel like it is just another day and each day should be a celebration so to speak? I don't feel any different because of a date on a calendar, never have. I actually feel awkward because I don't feel any thing special. I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because it is a holiday. Today I am particularly sad because I have realized that even as random and spontaneous as we have always been my kids are big now and things are just different. I am missing some of our 'traditions' or at least the things that we tried to do, missing some years in there - I am ADHD remember, nothing ever stays the same, that's boring!
So I am going down memory lane for a minute. I love how we always used to get a new book (like the Punchinello books by Max Lucado) on Christmas Eve and read it as a family, or an audiobook, it then progressed to a new movie, then Netflix, and now without Netflix I have no idea what will this year bring. I have always attempted to have us save all the Christmas Cards and beginning on the day after Christmas we pray for each person who sent us a Christmas card a meal at a time until we run out of cards. We are so sporadic in everything we do, that I now end up praying for the people myself because we rarely sit down at a meal all together and definitely not at a table! We have whoever in the family who is in town to our house on Christmas Day for a pot luck and whoever else needs a place to go or wants to come by. We have played cards through the years, watched movies, done puzzles and, of course, shared presents. We like to take a drive and look at Christmas lights, but even that gets kind of old. If it snows we love to take a night time snow hike. One of our best family Christmas outing was going to Glass Works and blowing ornaments! We like do the fun things when they come up but we are not sad if we haven't thought of something to do. I think as a family we have sort of figured out how to just be, which is a good thing.
I don't know but all of the 'holiday' supposed to's feel kind of empty to me. I mean, yes, I have some good memories but really nothing that I just must do. I am hoping to get together with different friends and enjoy them, but I like to do that anytime. I don't see that 'celebrating' Christmas causes anything much other than stress and grief. Yep, it's certifiable, I am Mrs. Scrooge. I don't get it, I don't know why; I just know that I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because I am now supposed to get excited over doing things that really I would just as soon not do. At this point you are probably feeling sorry for my kids, but truly they seem to be fine. They just go with the flow, they don't appear to be melancholy at all they just take what comes and do what is important to them.
So what am I trying to say? I don't know, lol! Just that I do not 'feel' Christmassy and really what is that supposed to feel like? I am not unhappy, I am not sad (other than realizing that my kids are big, and most of the time that just makes me glad because I have enjoyed the journey), and I am wondering why I am even letting the fact that I am apparently different than most people get to me today!
I celebrate Jesus, His mercy, grace, faithfulness and love daily! I do, just saying. As a family we just look forward to each day, whatever it brings, perhaps we are simplistic but I prefer to think that we really are just low maintenance and easy to please. So there you go, I guess you may want to add us to your prayer list! :-))) Regardless, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and that your celebration will be all about Jesus; however that looks for you!
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