Look to the LORD

Well, it has been a few days and honestly I do not know where to begin.   Can I just say, WOW!  I have had some amazing times in the last few days and some not so amazing times.  All of which have pointed out how very much God is interested in the day to day, moment by moment of our lives.

My default is to fall back to words, thoughts, ideas...fellowship, comfort zones, issues, hurts, hope, plans, strength, weakness, quitting, trying, seeking, finding, trusting, resting, falling flat, repenting, worship, sacrifice, joy, peace, agony, desperation, life, death, JESUS, family, friends, observations, intuitions, discernment, defeat, victory, stress, release, identity, caring, helping, sharing, lonely, alone, overwhelmed, understood... and on and on I could go.

So much to say, but not really any words today.  Shocking, I know (;

Psalm 105:4 "Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always."  You ever have trouble looking?  Recognizing His strength?  Oh and what about 'always' struggling to seek His face?  So it is confession time, after all that is why I blog, I think.  I so struggle to keep my eyes on His face and off of myself and off of the faces of those that I love or those that I struggle with.  Sometimes I just stubbornly sit in the unwillingness to look or to seek, in other words, sin.  Sometimes I allow myself to get busy and distracted while being very aware that I am avoiding what I need, which is focused, deliberate time to confess and deal.  Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with all the different things that are coming at me and rather than turn directly to the Lord with them I enter into fear, worry, frustration, defeat, and anger.  This is a cycle that I despise.  I am getting better at not staying there so long each time but the fact that I put myself through it over an over again irritates me which then feeds the cycle - yep, I'm worn out.

I have seen God do some amazing things in the last few days, and also work out some pretty difficult circumstances, as well as continuing to wait because I know He is at work and has a plan.  The thing is I so often get in His way.  I look forward to heaven where I will be able to look to Him and His strength and seek His face always, but until then I want to get better at it in the here and now.  I want to recognize Him, to truly see Him and get over myself and my foolish tendencies to look to my own strength, my own opinions and my own self-interests.  The word balance comes to mind.

Father God, I am so grateful for all You are showing me and that You do not give up on me, regardless.  I pray for the eyes to see You and the strength to look to You alone.  Forgive me for so often getting distracted with needs, issues, wanting to help or just plan old controlling.  Forgive me for allowing the people and circumstances of life to determine my attitude and my reactions.  Teach me God to rest in You and to keep my eyes open even when the temptation comes to close them or look where I 'want.'  God, please continually change my want and give me the wherewithal to focus on You regardless of my feelings.  Thank You for Your faithfulness, for Your mercy, and for Your grace.  Teach me to truly worship You and I pray that You would change my perception of what worshipping You is.  May I learn to see You as the honored guest and worship You with my entire life in the day to day.  May I trust You completely and worship You with abandon wherever and what ever is going on.   Thank You for Your unfailing love!  Thank You for providing rest, help me to absorb it and not fight it so.  You know this journey that I am on better than I do.  I need Your clarity, Your wisdom, Your discernment and Your strength to submit to You and be transformed.  May I follow through on the things that You have shown me and wait for Your result.  May I simply obey.  May I trust in You alone.