Recently, I was reading Psalm 34 when verse 14b jumped out at me as if it were in neon lights!! "Seek peace and pursue it." Immediately, I prayed, "How Lord?" As I have shared many times before and I am sure many times going forward that a thorn in my life is depression. And yet, I have come to the place that I can be thankful for this thorn (not always but more often than before - growth, yes?) because I know that God uses it in my life to keep me on my face before Him.
Anyway, this phrase...seek peace and pursue it has been a constant refrain in my life in the past month. In answer to my prayer, "How Lord?" He brought to mind, Philippians 4:4-8 (a regular go to in my life), specifically the Lord is near, don't worry about anything but with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and His Peace which surpasses understanding (every thought) will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. So I began chewing on this, thinking about it with regularity and trying to apply it specifically toward gaining peace in my daily life.
Finally, I feel the freedom to share with you. I battled. I cried. I fussed. I complained. I surrendered. I battled some more. At first, I didn't receive peace - just more worry and fear. Why? Because receiving peace in a process, just as seeking and pursuing are. I can't explain it anymore than you can, but we know that sometimes the peace that passes understanding comes instantaneously and sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes we have peace in one area, but not in another. Sometimes we gain peace only to take up the anxiety all over again. Part of the problem is our flesh and the other the enemy. But, I do know this...God is in charge and He understands, period. And He is not condemning us for the journey (even as it looks different than someone else's or different than we want it to).
I have been reading Charles Swindoll's book, Grace Awakening. A breakthrough happened for me when reading about Moses. This book brought out many things I had never thought about - it is a great read if you want to check it out. Moses was raised by Pharaoh's daughter, he had the best of everything. Education, wealth etc... he had confidence and yet when he killed the Egyptian who was tormenting the Hebrew, his life was derailed. He fled and no longer had any status, security or confidence - 40 years in the desert!!! He thought his life for God was over. He thought He had messed up God's plan to use him to rescue his people. We know differently. When God got Moses attention by the burning bush (Exodus 3) - Moses was anything but confident in his ability to follow God and do what He said. This journey, though it didn't "feel good" to Moses it ultimately led him to being humble and recognizing that nothing was impossible with God. Look at the relationship Moses had with God! Anyway, this and so much more (it would be a book, not a blog if I wrote all the words running around in me!!! lol).
God did use Moses. God is using you and me. We don't have the power to mess up God's plan, He is always at work redeeming and using what goes on in our lives to grow us and if we will let Him for His glory. It is so freeing to realize this once again!!! Yes, I tend to forget. In fact I tend to "borrow trouble," thus the need for me to seek peace and pursue it so diligently!
Our lives are not over if something happened to us that we feel has derailed us from what "we thought" God had for us - whether our choices/sin caused it or not. Even if our lives look different that what we thought "God had for us" -- He is still at work. He is not surprised. As Christ-followers, His plans and purposes for us will be realized, He knows them, they are good and they give us a future and HOPE (Jeremiah 29:11).
On this Journey His Way, seeking and pursuing peace is a constant effort - while it may culminate in peace for a certain circumstance another will come along. We must continuing seeking Jesus (He is the Prince of Peace, Isaiah 9:6), because knowing Him is the peace we are seeking and receiving. It is more of Jesus that is the answer to our pursuit. Experiencing satisfaction in Jesus = Peace.
Father God, You know I have so much more to say on this subject and perhaps You will give me the opportunity to share at a later date. Thank You for reminding me once again that You are in charge, not me, not my feelings. Thank You for reminding me that You will use me for Your glory as I surrender and trust You. And thank You for reminding me that my journey will not look like someone else's and that is exactly how You made it to be. Thank You for getting through to me and providing peace for this moment. Thank You for reminding me of my purpose in this life. God, a friend made the statement that she is "practicing being consumed by Your Great Love" -- yes, God this. Help me to spend my time practicing this and pursuing You as my peace and let go of the habits and sin of "practicing" being anxious and afraid. Afraid that I don't measure up. Afraid that I have missed Your plan for me, etc. These are just lies from the enemy, Lord. I know that I don't measure up, but Jesus in me does. I know that I have not missed Your plan because You are in charge, not me. Forgive me for falling into this trap over and over again. Father God, help me to be aware of Your Holy Spirit in my life and help me to listen and obey You. Thank You for Your faithfulness, Your forgiveness and Your grace and for being my peace... In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Friday, February 2, 2018
Monday, January 1, 2018
Grace Remembered
1 Peter 5:10, "Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen and support you after you have suffered a little.
The Lord prompted me to revisit this verse this morning. I have a tendency to read and read a verse and then somehow I lose track of it and God in His Grace reminds me once again. I am so thankful He does!
And then He encouraged me to look back at a few of the previous verses.
1 Peter 5:5b-9, "clothe yourselves with humility toward others, because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time. casting all your care on Him because He cares about you. Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.
As I was reading verse 10 and thinking how thankful I am for God's grace and being reminded that it is my responsibility to express that grace towards others I began reading back a few verses and of course I just kept going further back! I want Him to personally restore, establish, strengthen and support me - I want it with a passion that is difficult to express. I also want to quit suffering - and yet I know that is unrealistic. And yet, I want to be sure that I am suffering for His purposes and not because of sin in my life due to my own choices - make sense? I want to bring Him glory and yet so often I simply get in His way.
I "suffer" on an ongoing basis with depression and anxiety. This is not something I share proudly and yet I share it boldly because I know many who suffer in this way as well and I pray that it helps to know you are not alone. I continually pray for deliverance and help for this and yet it appears to be the "thorn in my flesh" that the Lord uses in many ways in my life. I am weary - still; and yet I am holding on to the Lord and the fact that He has a plan. More accurately He is holding on to me, because I often want to quit and He won't allow it.
Anyway, this is what He spoke to me this morning. I must continue casting my care on Him and not forget that He cares for me no matter how I feel or perceive things/circumstances. Praise God, He gives me the very strength and ability to do this because His Holy Spirit lives in me! I struggle, it is hard and yet He will overcome - in His time and in His way - this is my problem, I don't always like His timing and His way- just sayin'. Because of this "thorn" I do long for heaven in a way that I know I would not without it. Thus, I have joy deep in my soul when joy anywhere near the surface is nonexistent. It is well with my soul even as I struggle with this flesh.
So this was supposed to be a short, quick writing - lol - that never happens once I start!!!
Here is what I wrote quickly in reference to seeing His work of restoration etc. in my life:
Trust that God will do His part! And He will give me the strength to do mine -- if I let Him!!
Then He made me look back a few more verses - apparently, I like to read in reverse!!! Actually, I want the results without the work so many times. How about you?
The Lord prompted me to revisit this verse this morning. I have a tendency to read and read a verse and then somehow I lose track of it and God in His Grace reminds me once again. I am so thankful He does!
And then He encouraged me to look back at a few of the previous verses.
1 Peter 5:5b-9, "clothe yourselves with humility toward others, because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time. casting all your care on Him because He cares about you. Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.
As I was reading verse 10 and thinking how thankful I am for God's grace and being reminded that it is my responsibility to express that grace towards others I began reading back a few verses and of course I just kept going further back! I want Him to personally restore, establish, strengthen and support me - I want it with a passion that is difficult to express. I also want to quit suffering - and yet I know that is unrealistic. And yet, I want to be sure that I am suffering for His purposes and not because of sin in my life due to my own choices - make sense? I want to bring Him glory and yet so often I simply get in His way.
I "suffer" on an ongoing basis with depression and anxiety. This is not something I share proudly and yet I share it boldly because I know many who suffer in this way as well and I pray that it helps to know you are not alone. I continually pray for deliverance and help for this and yet it appears to be the "thorn in my flesh" that the Lord uses in many ways in my life. I am weary - still; and yet I am holding on to the Lord and the fact that He has a plan. More accurately He is holding on to me, because I often want to quit and He won't allow it.
Anyway, this is what He spoke to me this morning. I must continue casting my care on Him and not forget that He cares for me no matter how I feel or perceive things/circumstances. Praise God, He gives me the very strength and ability to do this because His Holy Spirit lives in me! I struggle, it is hard and yet He will overcome - in His time and in His way - this is my problem, I don't always like His timing and His way- just sayin'. Because of this "thorn" I do long for heaven in a way that I know I would not without it. Thus, I have joy deep in my soul when joy anywhere near the surface is nonexistent. It is well with my soul even as I struggle with this flesh.
So this was supposed to be a short, quick writing - lol - that never happens once I start!!!
Here is what I wrote quickly in reference to seeing His work of restoration etc. in my life:
- Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God!
- Cast all your care on Him for He cares for you
- Be serious! Be alert!
- Resist the enemy & be firm in the faith.
Trust that God will do His part! And He will give me the strength to do mine -- if I let Him!!
Then He made me look back a few more verses - apparently, I like to read in reverse!!! Actually, I want the results without the work so many times. How about you?
- clothe yourselves with humility toward one another
There is quite a bit I am expected to do in order to be in a place to receive the provision of God. The good thing is that He does not expect me to do it in my own strength (good thing because I cannot, neither can you), but He provides the very strength to do what He requires (Philippians 4:13).
God is the GOD OF ALL GRACE!! He is teaching me to love that word - grace - to find liberty to live an abundant life and yet it is a constant battle. Why? Because I must wrestle the enemy and resist Him by staying firm in the faith. How? By staying in His Word, by experiencing Him in His Word, not just reading it. By praising and thanking Him regardless how I feel - and man, is this hard for me. It often takes me a while to get there - sometimes longer than others - but the victory is that He ultimately gets me there. Remember, this life is a journey! Am I going to chose to walk it His way or my own? He allows me the choice. Sometimes, I wish He didn't, but this is how life works. I choose to choose His process, to do this journey His way and I pray that I will get better at choosing His way more quickly. But I will always be thankful that He never leaves me or forsakes me - no matter what I feel, think or even do. He draws me back to Him. He forgives and He promises to "restore, establish, strengthen and support me". He will! He does! and He is!
Father God, forgive me for often giving in to my feelings and my perceptions. Forgive me for forgetting Your provision and to trust that You will provide once again. Thank You for reminding me today. Draw me further into Your Word with more regularity so that I can see what it true. Strengthen me to trust You more. To walk by faith and not by sight. Please God, forgive me for grieving and quenching Your Holy Spirit by my choices and my attitudes. Enable me to rest in knowing that You have me in the palm of Your Hand and You are at work constantly. May I experience You and Your Presence often - may I be paying attention because You live inside me and therefore You are always with me! Enable me to live in Your grace and express it to others. May I clothe myself in humility so that You need not resist me but You are able to pour out Your grace upon me. Forgive me for being proud, for spending so much time thinking of myself and how I feel. God, for many years I have prayed that You would change me from the inside out and You are. It hasn't been and isn't very pretty because there are a lot of layers in there for You to work through, but God thank You for Your faithfulness to make me more like You. Please give me the mind of Christ. Enable me to take serious and be alert concerning the tactics of the enemy but not to allow my focus to be on him but on You. Thank You that I can humble myself under Your Mighty Hand, God and trust that You will work and protect me from the deceptions of the enemy. Have Your way in me, please Jesus...
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