Recently, I was reading Psalm 34 when verse 14b jumped out at me as if it were in neon lights!! "Seek peace and pursue it." Immediately, I prayed, "How Lord?" As I have shared many times before and I am sure many times going forward that a thorn in my life is depression. And yet, I have come to the place that I can be thankful for this thorn (not always but more often than before - growth, yes?) because I know that God uses it in my life to keep me on my face before Him.
Anyway, this phrase...seek peace and pursue it has been a constant refrain in my life in the past month. In answer to my prayer, "How Lord?" He brought to mind, Philippians 4:4-8 (a regular go to in my life), specifically the Lord is near, don't worry about anything but with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and His Peace which surpasses understanding (every thought) will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. So I began chewing on this, thinking about it with regularity and trying to apply it specifically toward gaining peace in my daily life.
Finally, I feel the freedom to share with you. I battled. I cried. I fussed. I complained. I surrendered. I battled some more. At first, I didn't receive peace - just more worry and fear. Why? Because receiving peace in a process, just as seeking and pursuing are. I can't explain it anymore than you can, but we know that sometimes the peace that passes understanding comes instantaneously and sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes we have peace in one area, but not in another. Sometimes we gain peace only to take up the anxiety all over again. Part of the problem is our flesh and the other the enemy. But, I do know this...God is in charge and He understands, period. And He is not condemning us for the journey (even as it looks different than someone else's or different than we want it to).
I have been reading Charles Swindoll's book, Grace Awakening. A breakthrough happened for me when reading about Moses. This book brought out many things I had never thought about - it is a great read if you want to check it out. Moses was raised by Pharaoh's daughter, he had the best of everything. Education, wealth etc... he had confidence and yet when he killed the Egyptian who was tormenting the Hebrew, his life was derailed. He fled and no longer had any status, security or confidence - 40 years in the desert!!! He thought his life for God was over. He thought He had messed up God's plan to use him to rescue his people. We know differently. When God got Moses attention by the burning bush (Exodus 3) - Moses was anything but confident in his ability to follow God and do what He said. This journey, though it didn't "feel good" to Moses it ultimately led him to being humble and recognizing that nothing was impossible with God. Look at the relationship Moses had with God! Anyway, this and so much more (it would be a book, not a blog if I wrote all the words running around in me!!! lol).
God did use Moses. God is using you and me. We don't have the power to mess up God's plan, He is always at work redeeming and using what goes on in our lives to grow us and if we will let Him for His glory. It is so freeing to realize this once again!!! Yes, I tend to forget. In fact I tend to "borrow trouble," thus the need for me to seek peace and pursue it so diligently!
Our lives are not over if something happened to us that we feel has derailed us from what "we thought" God had for us - whether our choices/sin caused it or not. Even if our lives look different that what we thought "God had for us" -- He is still at work. He is not surprised. As Christ-followers, His plans and purposes for us will be realized, He knows them, they are good and they give us a future and HOPE (Jeremiah 29:11).
On this Journey His Way, seeking and pursuing peace is a constant effort - while it may culminate in peace for a certain circumstance another will come along. We must continuing seeking Jesus (He is the Prince of Peace, Isaiah 9:6), because knowing Him is the peace we are seeking and receiving. It is more of Jesus that is the answer to our pursuit. Experiencing satisfaction in Jesus = Peace.
Father God, You know I have so much more to say on this subject and perhaps You will give me the opportunity to share at a later date. Thank You for reminding me once again that You are in charge, not me, not my feelings. Thank You for reminding me that You will use me for Your glory as I surrender and trust You. And thank You for reminding me that my journey will not look like someone else's and that is exactly how You made it to be. Thank You for getting through to me and providing peace for this moment. Thank You for reminding me of my purpose in this life. God, a friend made the statement that she is "practicing being consumed by Your Great Love" -- yes, God this. Help me to spend my time practicing this and pursuing You as my peace and let go of the habits and sin of "practicing" being anxious and afraid. Afraid that I don't measure up. Afraid that I have missed Your plan for me, etc. These are just lies from the enemy, Lord. I know that I don't measure up, but Jesus in me does. I know that I have not missed Your plan because You are in charge, not me. Forgive me for falling into this trap over and over again. Father God, help me to be aware of Your Holy Spirit in my life and help me to listen and obey You. Thank You for Your faithfulness, Your forgiveness and Your grace and for being my peace... In Jesus' Name, Amen.
