Psalm 90:12-17
12) Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.
13) LORD - how long? Turn and have compassion on Your servants.
14) Satisfy us in the morning with Your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days.
15) Make us rejoice for as many days as You have humbled us, for as many years as we have seen adversity.
16) Let Your work be seen by Your servants, and Your splendor by their children.
17) Let the favor of the Lord be on us; establish for us the work of our hands - establish the work of our hands!
This Journey His Way often has ups and downs and surprise turns that cannot be guessed or expected; however the main thing is that regardless of where He allows my path to go He is with me and He will and does satisfy me with His faithful love! I am grateful. I have recently had a pretty bad reaction to some medicine I had been on and truly I am grateful to be on this side of it ;-) In the midst of being sick though He has taught me much and I am truly thankful. Recently a song by Jason Gray had caught my attention and even more so today as I ponder life. The title of the song is, "Nothing's Wasted." Although I enjoy the whole song there is one line that stands out... 'Nothing is wasted in the hands of our Redeemer.' I have been considering this but I am finding the truth in that statement. I am so grateful that wherever God allows our path to go He is with us, He has a purpose and a plan and He will redeem us in it. I am learning much in this season of my life and I have much more to learn I am quite sure.
Consider with me the importance of numbering our days. Numbering our days in the sense that we become grateful for each moment. My mother -in-love recently has had a confirmation of the early stages of Alzheimer's (if you know her no need to mention it, just pray for her, granddad and each of us, please) and with that among some other experiences God is truly reminding me the importance of today and the people in our lives. We often say that 'relationships and people' are what are important and yet if we analyze how we spend our time and resources is that really true in our lives or just an ideal? Something to think about, pray about and ask God to reveal His ways in.
I do not know about you, but I truly do crave to develop wisdom in my heart. I find reality to often be much different than that though. I find that I 'think' I have some wisdom but when it comes to doing more than say it I am quite at a loss. I am grateful that God; however knows all about me and He is willing to continually meet me where I am and even not allow me to stay there no matter how hard I might dig in my heels and fight. What a relief to know, to truly know, that He is in charge and that I am accepted by Him because of Jesus, not my own merit or works. I mention this often I know, but each day I hope to grasp just a bit more how much I matter to Him because He made me and because He loves me not because of who I am or what I do. So easy to say, but oh so hard to live in that truth for me. I easily fall back into the trap of being a 'human-doing' instead of 'human-being' (as was recently pointed out to me. I have lived with so many wrong perceptions for so long that often times I do not even know that they are wrong. Praise God, He is at work and He is revealing to me His Truth and His ways. So to number our days, not in an anxious, wringing our hands, what are we gonna do way, but number our days with a confident expectation in Christ Alone and trusting Him that He is at work and He is in charge. He has me, He has those I love as a matter of fact He has it all in His hands!
I have experienced the compassion of the LORD many times, but each time it is like the first He so overwhelms me. I so don't deserve His compassion, His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness, His love, His time, His strength (and on and on); however I am ready to shout out my gratitude to Him and for Him! I desire to be able to shout for joy and be glad all my days (and I will certainly be able to in heaven) but I want to practice now! I need to focus on the positive things rather than the negative. I need to give myself a break and really know that I can take care of myself and that is not selfish, but healthy and therefore enables me to continue to take care of others as I enjoy doing. I must allow Him to fill me though, instead of thinking I must constantly give and therefore I end up 'giving' and 'serving' out of my lack rather than out of His abundance! There is nothing so wearisome as trying to do everything in your own strength. I have Christ and His power, why would I want to continue to strive and continue to attempt to take care of things myself, foolishness, huh?
He is humbling me in ways I never expected and yet I do truly find that I am grateful because in this humbling process He has revealed so much pride and so much wrong thinking and allowed me to be truly sick of it and want more of Him and less of me (John 3:30); finally more than words to me. I believe He has me at a place where I am willing to do whatever it takes to be who, where and what He wants me to be. I want to rid myself of all expectations for myself and for others and truly look to Him for His moment by moment direction. Please pray for me as this battle is hard and this journey is in so many ways beyond what I could have imagined and not all the twists and turns have been or are pleasant, believe me, but worth it...truly worth it. I have seen and known adversity, just as you have and we will again and again as long as we live on this earth, but praise God He allows us to rejoice, He allows us to see His work and His splendor. Truly there is nothing like seeing Him work. Oh, Lord give me eyes to see! Did you see verse 17? We can ask for His favor to be upon us and trust that He will establish the works of our hands - He will!
Father God, through much pain and adversity You have and are showing me just how wonderful You are, how trustworthy, how faithful and how true! Thank You for the humbling process of realizing over and over again that I have nothing to bring, I have nothing to offer and yet You treasure me! I am a pearl of great price to You! Unbelievable and almost inconceivable, but I do declare that I believe You and I see! Thank You for opening my eyes, for once again rescuing me and continually placing my feet upon the firm foundation of Your Word and Your Truth. Please God help me to decrease that You may increase. Enable me to learn to number my days and not quickly forget this lesson (and many others) that You have begun to teach me. Help me to grow in Your wisdom in my heart and in application in the days ahead. May I apply those things that You reveal and may I trust Your strength, Your plans, Your direction and simply obey...simply be. God forgive me for being so often dissatisfied and not grateful to You and for You. Please change me from deep with in and connect the things I think I know, the things that You have revealed, to my heart and allow me to know them and practice them. May I point to You and bring You glory. God, thank You for allowing nothing to be wasted that I go through and experience and for redeeming me, but even beyond redeeming me, YOU ARE MY REDEEMER! Wow!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
My 'soap box' about depression ;-/
PSALM 103
1) My soul, praise the LORD, and all that is within me praise His holy name. 2) My should, praise the LORD, and do not forget all His benefits. 3) He forgives all your sin; He heals all your diseases. 4) He redeems your life from the Pit; He crowns you with faithful love and compassion. 5) He satisfies you with goodness; your youth is renewed like the eagle. 6) The LORD executes acts of righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7) He revealed His ways to Moses, His deeds to the people of Israel. 8) The LORD is compassion and gracious, slow to anger and full of faithful love. 9) He will not always accuse us or be angry forever. 10) He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our offenses. 11) For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love toward those who fear Him. 12) As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. 13) As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. 14) For He knows what we are made of remembering that we are dust. 15) As for man, his days are like grass--he blooms like a flower of the field; 16) when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. 17) But from eternity to eternity the LORD's faithful love is toward those who fear Him, and His righteousness toward the grandchildren 18) of those who keep His covenant, who remember to observe His instructions. 19) The LORD has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all. 20) Praise the LORD, all His armies, His servants who do His will. 22) Praise the LORD, all His works in all the places where He rules. My should, praise the LORD!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The catalyst for this Psalm and blog today was Matt Redman's song "10,000 Reasons" (Bless the Lord). You can find it on godtube.com if you would like to listen ;) Particularly the lyrics, 'The sun comes up; it is a new day dawning; it's time to sing Your song again; Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me; Let me be singing when the evening comes...'
When you deal with Chronic Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder and ADHD life is full of up and downs. I am not making excuses but I would like to continue to try to be a voice for those of us who deal with these type issues to help explain to those of you who really just don't understand what it is like. This may seem extreme to you, but here is how I see it. My issues with depression and ADHD are like my own version of cancer. Now I am not suggesting that cancer and its effects are exactly the same, but what I am suggesting (as I have walked very intimately down the 'cancer' road on multiple occasions) that for me it is like a battle with cancer. One less deadly in one sense, but just as deadly in another. It is a battle. It is not something that goes away for me. The medicines and their effects sometimes cause me to be more ill than I was before and the frustration of depression is that there is a constant expectation in yourself and among others; particularly believers to just get over it, get out of your emotions and stop focusing on yourself.
Well, when you have a hormonal imbalance (and by the way, this is not a 'mental illness' regardless of what you have been told, it is a physical issue that affects our emotions, our spirit, our mind, our will and our strength) it is just not possible to 'buck up', 'straighten up' or just get over it as much as you would wish too or others would like you too. BELIEVE ME IF I DID NOT HAVE TO STRUGGLE WITH THIS I MOST CERTAINLY WOULDN'T! I DID NOT CHOSE IT AND I DO NOT WANT IT! And yet, despite all the hard work of therapy, changing my thinking, praying, reading the Word, taking meds and going to doctors it is an issue that has not at this point been taken away. Like a cancer it keeps raising its head and I keep fighting.
Do you have any idea the frustration of being expected to go about your day as if all is well when everything is so far from well within you that you literally do not want to go on! When for others and their difficulties a hospital stay or a plan of treatment is much easier to come up with, but if you need help emotionally due to physical issues and perhaps some other experiences through out your life, you are considered weak, or selfish or mentally ill if you hurt internally rather than have high sugars or a broken leg or even cancer. My point here is that a person like myself, needs your understanding and not your condemnation, not your judgment or your suggestions that we get up and think about someone else or do something for someone else. Is there a time for doing for others, definitely, but when someone is unable to get up and move or even think how to help themselves perhaps they need you to help them rather than to expect them to continue to help you and others.
I am not suggesting that you let a person sit, soak and sour in their depression I am suggesting that you try to gain an understanding and that you help them in the ways that they need. Perhaps a very short walk, because movement is difficult and it does not always make someone with depression feel better. Perhaps dropping by and not minding the pajamas and sharing a cup of tea or coffee and definitely prayer. Perhaps an email or a text. Perhaps fixing a meal for their family, whatever works best for that person. Trust me when I say we do not want to be this way and yet for some reason the Lord is allowing it. Care enough for the person to see past the tears, the irritability, the inability to accomplish things like before and help them. Just listen and don't try to fix them...if they are like me they overthink and beat themselves up enough, they do not need your assistance with that. Ok, enough of this, but please consider your attitudes and your comments, even well meaning about how a person handles their life; it is their life and they do want your love and your care but not your lack of understanding or your correction. Consider them to be ill, because they are...not by choice but often by circumstance and hormones, etc. and they need you, even when they push you away. It is because they realize that they are a burden, they realize that they are 'down' again and yet do you seriously think they would choose it??? Yes, we sometimes get stuck in it, but we certainly didn't jump up and down in excitement and say 'Oh, please, sign me up for this pain, misery, confusion and despair!' Think about it...seriously.
To Psalm 103...this psalm speaks to what I am determined to do in my life. I want to praise the LORD with all that is in me, I DO! I recognize His amazing forgiveness, His healing, the fact that He has redeemed my life from the Pit (of hell once for all time) and the Pit of depression (many times over). I am weary, deep within of this battle as I have said many times before, but for some reason this is the Journey the Lord has me on. I am not suggesting that He causes my depression, but that because I live in this sinful world depression is one of the battles I must face and at this point it is a slow progression of healing (like my entire lifetime), not the release of healing that I would prefer. Yet, I can emphatically state that there are moments (not all the time) but moments in which I am thankful for this struggle because He uses it to keep me looking to Him for strength.
I know what oppression is, I know what it means to be accused and misunderstood and I also, praise God, know what it is to be redeemed, to be crowned with His faithful love, to be satisfied with His goodness, to have my 'youth' renewed. You see I know Him, my Father, my God to be compassionate, gracious, slow to anger and full of faithful love. I know what it is to not be dealt with according to what I deserve because of my sin. I know that His faithful love is great and the it is as high as the heavens above the earth, I KNOW. I know what it is to experience His compassion, recognizing that I am dust and experiencing His forgiveness that is so great that He even choses to remove it as far as the east is to the west. He choses to not remember my sin! I am so grateful, because I am a sinner who is grateful to be saved because of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection on the 3rd day. I am His and I know it; however I also still deal with depression.
Depression is not the 'unpardonable sin.' It is not grounds for me to not be in right relationship with God, it is a hormonal imbalance that is often maddeningly hard to diagnose, balance and correct. This does not make me or anyone else who deals with it more or less bad than the next person dealing with something else. It is an illness that causes a need for compassion not contempt, for love not rejection and a desire to understand not a dismissal. I pray you never face depression like I live with on a daily basis. It is true that all of us will face a time of depression in this life when tragedy hits, or circumstances overwhelm, but to have chronic depression is not something you just get up one day and walk away from unless God performs a miracle. It is a constant determining to trust God and recognize that He is stronger than my hormones, my feelings, and that to get help is not weakness, but courage. He is in control and He is at work, even in the depressed.
Father God, please use these words of explanation and this attempt at explaining to open the eyes of those around who do not deal with depression in this major of a way. May there be less hurtful things said and done and more time spent encouraging and caring. May those of us who deal with depression to this degree be willing to open up, to get all the help we need and keep on getting it until such a time as You tell us to move on. Help us to stop isolating, withdrawing and hiding, God. May we stop giving the enemy even more opportunity to beat us up with our unwillingness to be open and upfront about our struggles. May we realize that we do not need to share the details as to why or what causes our specific issues but that we can share that we are hurting and be willing to reach out to others who are hurting as well. We all hurt and we all have issues, it is just part of living in this sinful world; however we do have hope and that hope is in You and when we forget that hope or get overwhelmed to the point that we just can't see You, may we have opened up and shared with others who love You, that are trustworthy, so that they can remind us that our hope is continually in You and that You, Lord are able, faithful and willing to meet us right where we are; all the time. May we look to You first, seek Your wisdom and discernment and may we follow through with what You have revealed to us. May we point others to You and You alone and God please help us to PRAISE YOU with all that is within us...
1) My soul, praise the LORD, and all that is within me praise His holy name. 2) My should, praise the LORD, and do not forget all His benefits. 3) He forgives all your sin; He heals all your diseases. 4) He redeems your life from the Pit; He crowns you with faithful love and compassion. 5) He satisfies you with goodness; your youth is renewed like the eagle. 6) The LORD executes acts of righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7) He revealed His ways to Moses, His deeds to the people of Israel. 8) The LORD is compassion and gracious, slow to anger and full of faithful love. 9) He will not always accuse us or be angry forever. 10) He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our offenses. 11) For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love toward those who fear Him. 12) As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. 13) As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. 14) For He knows what we are made of remembering that we are dust. 15) As for man, his days are like grass--he blooms like a flower of the field; 16) when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. 17) But from eternity to eternity the LORD's faithful love is toward those who fear Him, and His righteousness toward the grandchildren 18) of those who keep His covenant, who remember to observe His instructions. 19) The LORD has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all. 20) Praise the LORD, all His armies, His servants who do His will. 22) Praise the LORD, all His works in all the places where He rules. My should, praise the LORD!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The catalyst for this Psalm and blog today was Matt Redman's song "10,000 Reasons" (Bless the Lord). You can find it on godtube.com if you would like to listen ;) Particularly the lyrics, 'The sun comes up; it is a new day dawning; it's time to sing Your song again; Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me; Let me be singing when the evening comes...'
When you deal with Chronic Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder and ADHD life is full of up and downs. I am not making excuses but I would like to continue to try to be a voice for those of us who deal with these type issues to help explain to those of you who really just don't understand what it is like. This may seem extreme to you, but here is how I see it. My issues with depression and ADHD are like my own version of cancer. Now I am not suggesting that cancer and its effects are exactly the same, but what I am suggesting (as I have walked very intimately down the 'cancer' road on multiple occasions) that for me it is like a battle with cancer. One less deadly in one sense, but just as deadly in another. It is a battle. It is not something that goes away for me. The medicines and their effects sometimes cause me to be more ill than I was before and the frustration of depression is that there is a constant expectation in yourself and among others; particularly believers to just get over it, get out of your emotions and stop focusing on yourself.
Well, when you have a hormonal imbalance (and by the way, this is not a 'mental illness' regardless of what you have been told, it is a physical issue that affects our emotions, our spirit, our mind, our will and our strength) it is just not possible to 'buck up', 'straighten up' or just get over it as much as you would wish too or others would like you too. BELIEVE ME IF I DID NOT HAVE TO STRUGGLE WITH THIS I MOST CERTAINLY WOULDN'T! I DID NOT CHOSE IT AND I DO NOT WANT IT! And yet, despite all the hard work of therapy, changing my thinking, praying, reading the Word, taking meds and going to doctors it is an issue that has not at this point been taken away. Like a cancer it keeps raising its head and I keep fighting.
Do you have any idea the frustration of being expected to go about your day as if all is well when everything is so far from well within you that you literally do not want to go on! When for others and their difficulties a hospital stay or a plan of treatment is much easier to come up with, but if you need help emotionally due to physical issues and perhaps some other experiences through out your life, you are considered weak, or selfish or mentally ill if you hurt internally rather than have high sugars or a broken leg or even cancer. My point here is that a person like myself, needs your understanding and not your condemnation, not your judgment or your suggestions that we get up and think about someone else or do something for someone else. Is there a time for doing for others, definitely, but when someone is unable to get up and move or even think how to help themselves perhaps they need you to help them rather than to expect them to continue to help you and others.
I am not suggesting that you let a person sit, soak and sour in their depression I am suggesting that you try to gain an understanding and that you help them in the ways that they need. Perhaps a very short walk, because movement is difficult and it does not always make someone with depression feel better. Perhaps dropping by and not minding the pajamas and sharing a cup of tea or coffee and definitely prayer. Perhaps an email or a text. Perhaps fixing a meal for their family, whatever works best for that person. Trust me when I say we do not want to be this way and yet for some reason the Lord is allowing it. Care enough for the person to see past the tears, the irritability, the inability to accomplish things like before and help them. Just listen and don't try to fix them...if they are like me they overthink and beat themselves up enough, they do not need your assistance with that. Ok, enough of this, but please consider your attitudes and your comments, even well meaning about how a person handles their life; it is their life and they do want your love and your care but not your lack of understanding or your correction. Consider them to be ill, because they are...not by choice but often by circumstance and hormones, etc. and they need you, even when they push you away. It is because they realize that they are a burden, they realize that they are 'down' again and yet do you seriously think they would choose it??? Yes, we sometimes get stuck in it, but we certainly didn't jump up and down in excitement and say 'Oh, please, sign me up for this pain, misery, confusion and despair!' Think about it...seriously.
To Psalm 103...this psalm speaks to what I am determined to do in my life. I want to praise the LORD with all that is in me, I DO! I recognize His amazing forgiveness, His healing, the fact that He has redeemed my life from the Pit (of hell once for all time) and the Pit of depression (many times over). I am weary, deep within of this battle as I have said many times before, but for some reason this is the Journey the Lord has me on. I am not suggesting that He causes my depression, but that because I live in this sinful world depression is one of the battles I must face and at this point it is a slow progression of healing (like my entire lifetime), not the release of healing that I would prefer. Yet, I can emphatically state that there are moments (not all the time) but moments in which I am thankful for this struggle because He uses it to keep me looking to Him for strength.
I know what oppression is, I know what it means to be accused and misunderstood and I also, praise God, know what it is to be redeemed, to be crowned with His faithful love, to be satisfied with His goodness, to have my 'youth' renewed. You see I know Him, my Father, my God to be compassionate, gracious, slow to anger and full of faithful love. I know what it is to not be dealt with according to what I deserve because of my sin. I know that His faithful love is great and the it is as high as the heavens above the earth, I KNOW. I know what it is to experience His compassion, recognizing that I am dust and experiencing His forgiveness that is so great that He even choses to remove it as far as the east is to the west. He choses to not remember my sin! I am so grateful, because I am a sinner who is grateful to be saved because of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection on the 3rd day. I am His and I know it; however I also still deal with depression.
Depression is not the 'unpardonable sin.' It is not grounds for me to not be in right relationship with God, it is a hormonal imbalance that is often maddeningly hard to diagnose, balance and correct. This does not make me or anyone else who deals with it more or less bad than the next person dealing with something else. It is an illness that causes a need for compassion not contempt, for love not rejection and a desire to understand not a dismissal. I pray you never face depression like I live with on a daily basis. It is true that all of us will face a time of depression in this life when tragedy hits, or circumstances overwhelm, but to have chronic depression is not something you just get up one day and walk away from unless God performs a miracle. It is a constant determining to trust God and recognize that He is stronger than my hormones, my feelings, and that to get help is not weakness, but courage. He is in control and He is at work, even in the depressed.
Father God, please use these words of explanation and this attempt at explaining to open the eyes of those around who do not deal with depression in this major of a way. May there be less hurtful things said and done and more time spent encouraging and caring. May those of us who deal with depression to this degree be willing to open up, to get all the help we need and keep on getting it until such a time as You tell us to move on. Help us to stop isolating, withdrawing and hiding, God. May we stop giving the enemy even more opportunity to beat us up with our unwillingness to be open and upfront about our struggles. May we realize that we do not need to share the details as to why or what causes our specific issues but that we can share that we are hurting and be willing to reach out to others who are hurting as well. We all hurt and we all have issues, it is just part of living in this sinful world; however we do have hope and that hope is in You and when we forget that hope or get overwhelmed to the point that we just can't see You, may we have opened up and shared with others who love You, that are trustworthy, so that they can remind us that our hope is continually in You and that You, Lord are able, faithful and willing to meet us right where we are; all the time. May we look to You first, seek Your wisdom and discernment and may we follow through with what You have revealed to us. May we point others to You and You alone and God please help us to PRAISE YOU with all that is within us...
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
THE NAME...the knowing
Proverbs 18:10, The Name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe.
My Father reminded me this morning of the power in His Name. As an older teen/young adult I 'discovered' the Names of God and had the realization that He speaks to us through His Name, teaching us about Himself. Lately, I came across this explanation of His Name; "in biblical times, a name represented a person's character. God's name represents His attributes, His nature. His name is a statement of who He is. And He has many names! Each reveals something of His power and love and purposes toward you." (Kay Arthur) I have long been fascinated with words and names. I love to know names and God has often blessed me with the ability to remember names; although not quite so much lately! I say all that because I believe a name is important; not so much for the name itself as in biblical times but the fact that knowing a name represents some level of caring. (I am not suggesting that if you forget a name that you do not care; however I do think that the practice of paying attention to others and knowing their name is very important.)
Now for those of you who know me you know that I have 3 children, a son and twin daughters. The Lord has used my kids to reinforce my thoughts on the importance of knowing someone's name. Because my son was just barely 2 years old when our daughters were born it was a very interesting time to say the least. One of the things I vividly remember is being out in public and the fascination of others over 2 babies that look the same. Often people would just stop us in a store and ask some 'amazing' questions, but the thing I remember is always saying 'And this is their big brother, Drew.' As much attention as the girls often got, Drew would often be ignored and yet as they grew older and were around people they knew, those people began to know Drew by name and ultimately many called the girls, 'Twins'. Interesting! Once many people realized they were twins it was like the ability to see them as individuals fled. My point? They are uniquely the same and uniquely different. Huh? I mean that they are 2 different people that sometimes look very much a like; however many people just stop at the fact that they are twins and no longer make an effort to distinguish between them. I find that sad! I am not saying it isn't difficult to tell them apart but with a little effort it really isn't so hard. The funny thing is back in the early part of our marriage, my husband was a youth pastor and there was a set of twin girls in the youth group. He would constantly ask me who was who and low and behold about 3 years later he had a set of twin girls himself! He quickly realized the importance of knowing them individually and not grouping them in a set. What a significant thing for each of us to learn. Our name may be the same as some one else's or we may even look like someone else, but we are uniquely ourselves and all of us want to be known as who we are rather than just being dismissed or not seen.
I think God is that way as well! He desires to teach us about Himself, He wants to be known and one way He does that is through His Names. He even tells us in Psalm 20:7, to boast in the name of the LORD, our God. And as Proverbs 18:10 points out His Name is a strong tower and we can run to into it and be safe! I am using Kay Arthur's book, "The Peace and Power of Knowing God's Name," as a resource today as we look at His Names.
I want to be known and not just known but known by God and know Him; really know Him in such a way that my moment by moment is different. I do not like to play games; at least emotional and relational games. By games I mean to pretend, we all pretend to some degree I get that, but I just don't like to pretend, I want to be real and be accepted as who I am and yet I have spent and do spend so much of my time trying so hard to be pleasing and acceptable that I find that I am trapped well within a game; a game that is costly. One that has cost me my security and my identity and one that has caused much heartache and pain with it's deception and confusion. I don't know if any one else know's what I am talking about, but what I do know is that I want to be who God made me to be more than I want to be pleasing to any one else any more. This is growth! Now the difficulty lies in the way that I view myself and the way in which I habitually react and handle myself. This is why this battle is so intense, so hard. And yet, no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many times I want to give up and quit, my God, He is Faithful to meet me where I am (Emmanuel), to be my Protector/my Banner (Jehovah- nissi), to be always there (Jehovah-shammah), to be all-sufficient (El Shaddai), to be my peace (Jehovah-shalom), my Lord (Adonai) and my healer (Jehovah-rapha)... Do you see the power in His very names?!! Wow!!!
His Name, Abba (Daddy) Father, is so intimate, so personal. Once again I think of myself as that little bitty, blonde haired, blue eyed girl that would run with such abandon into the arms of her Daddy, completely trusting that He would catch me, that He would protect me and provide for me...I mean I didn't think about it as a child, I just knew it. Instead, I often find myself looking at life through the lens of the middle aged, dirty-blonde haired, blue eyed woman who has come to overthink and trust very little because of the experiences of life rather than allowing myself to look at God through the eyes of a child and trust Him with reckless abandon! Matthew 18:3 even has Jesus telling us, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Verse 4 even goes on to say, "Therefore whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
One of the tactics of the enemy is to convince us that we can only trust ourselves and that we are not important to the One who created us (Elohim). Foolishness. When we are children we don't stop to think if we are wanted or important we just live life as if we are the most important to our father and our mother, don't we? When they call our name we come, but how much more precious is it when we say, "Daddy!" and our Father turns to us as if we are the only ones in the room, as if we are of upmost importance. BECAUSE WE ARE! Take time to think about the attributes God reveals through His Names to you and allow yourself to be that little child that simply trusts because it is all you know. That's what I want. I want to know my God with such abandon that all the other things and people around me are just a bonus, not the deciding factor in how I view this life. I have lived much of life backwards in this area, I think, and I find that I just want to know Him and the power of His resurrection, Philippians 3:10! To learn, really learn (to trust) to recognize that I am righteous because of Jesus, period, and that means that I can RUN into the Name of the LORD as a strong tower and be safe! I want to live this life in this truth more often than I fall to the lies of fear or into the sins of anger, doubt, pride and self-reliance... With this learning, this knowing (Philippians 3:10) will come suffering; and yet all of us suffer in some form or fashion, but we can suffer for Christ and with Christ rather than suffer because we are in sin and attempting to do things in our own strength. I don't know about you, but suffering with Christ and attaining the prize of heaven sounds like the better choice (Phil. 3:14).
Father God, forgive me for being so easily distracted by the things of this world, the hurts, the frustrations, the unknowns and for not trusting You with the abandon of a child. Help me to learn to more often turn to You with that faith and child-like trust that does not question but simply acts! On this Journey Your Way, please help me to know You more; to know Your Name and instead of choosing to try to run away in fear, or guilt, convinced that because I have disappointed myself and others once again, that surely You are disappointed with me and tired of me as well. Forgive me for attempting to make You so 'human' that I think You view things the way I do. You were human when You came as Jesus to save us from our sin; however You were perfect and sinless. You do not reject, hold grudges and respond in anger; You accept, You forgive, and You give me a clean slate...Your mercies are new every morning. You are good, You are faithful and You are my strong tower. I can rest in You. I can take refuge in You. You will do the work. You will prepare the way. You will hold me and never ever let me go! Thank You God, that You are my healer, that You are healing me according to Your time table and Your plan. That it does not matter what others see or even understand as long as I am following hard after You. I know that Your ways are best, forgive me for trying to get ahead of You, or trying to be in control and for trying to give up when You are the One who is always for me. Forgive me for rejecting You, for not believing You fully, for my lack of trust and unwillingness to know You as You desire to be known. Please, Lord, renew my hunger for You. My passion to be known and to know You. Transform me from deep within. Change my thinking and help me to learn to react less and respond more! Be the Lord of my mind, will and emotions. Help me to place my focus upon You and run to You as my first choice instead of waiting. Thank You for never giving up on me and for allowing me to share this Journey You have me on with others. Please God, I pray that You will receive the glory from my ramblings and that in my own confusion and battles that I would still point to You and not ever cause confusion or chaos for others as they seek You. To You God be the Glory! For You alone are Worthy of that Glory and Praise!
My Father reminded me this morning of the power in His Name. As an older teen/young adult I 'discovered' the Names of God and had the realization that He speaks to us through His Name, teaching us about Himself. Lately, I came across this explanation of His Name; "in biblical times, a name represented a person's character. God's name represents His attributes, His nature. His name is a statement of who He is. And He has many names! Each reveals something of His power and love and purposes toward you." (Kay Arthur) I have long been fascinated with words and names. I love to know names and God has often blessed me with the ability to remember names; although not quite so much lately! I say all that because I believe a name is important; not so much for the name itself as in biblical times but the fact that knowing a name represents some level of caring. (I am not suggesting that if you forget a name that you do not care; however I do think that the practice of paying attention to others and knowing their name is very important.)
Now for those of you who know me you know that I have 3 children, a son and twin daughters. The Lord has used my kids to reinforce my thoughts on the importance of knowing someone's name. Because my son was just barely 2 years old when our daughters were born it was a very interesting time to say the least. One of the things I vividly remember is being out in public and the fascination of others over 2 babies that look the same. Often people would just stop us in a store and ask some 'amazing' questions, but the thing I remember is always saying 'And this is their big brother, Drew.' As much attention as the girls often got, Drew would often be ignored and yet as they grew older and were around people they knew, those people began to know Drew by name and ultimately many called the girls, 'Twins'. Interesting! Once many people realized they were twins it was like the ability to see them as individuals fled. My point? They are uniquely the same and uniquely different. Huh? I mean that they are 2 different people that sometimes look very much a like; however many people just stop at the fact that they are twins and no longer make an effort to distinguish between them. I find that sad! I am not saying it isn't difficult to tell them apart but with a little effort it really isn't so hard. The funny thing is back in the early part of our marriage, my husband was a youth pastor and there was a set of twin girls in the youth group. He would constantly ask me who was who and low and behold about 3 years later he had a set of twin girls himself! He quickly realized the importance of knowing them individually and not grouping them in a set. What a significant thing for each of us to learn. Our name may be the same as some one else's or we may even look like someone else, but we are uniquely ourselves and all of us want to be known as who we are rather than just being dismissed or not seen.
I think God is that way as well! He desires to teach us about Himself, He wants to be known and one way He does that is through His Names. He even tells us in Psalm 20:7, to boast in the name of the LORD, our God. And as Proverbs 18:10 points out His Name is a strong tower and we can run to into it and be safe! I am using Kay Arthur's book, "The Peace and Power of Knowing God's Name," as a resource today as we look at His Names.
I want to be known and not just known but known by God and know Him; really know Him in such a way that my moment by moment is different. I do not like to play games; at least emotional and relational games. By games I mean to pretend, we all pretend to some degree I get that, but I just don't like to pretend, I want to be real and be accepted as who I am and yet I have spent and do spend so much of my time trying so hard to be pleasing and acceptable that I find that I am trapped well within a game; a game that is costly. One that has cost me my security and my identity and one that has caused much heartache and pain with it's deception and confusion. I don't know if any one else know's what I am talking about, but what I do know is that I want to be who God made me to be more than I want to be pleasing to any one else any more. This is growth! Now the difficulty lies in the way that I view myself and the way in which I habitually react and handle myself. This is why this battle is so intense, so hard. And yet, no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many times I want to give up and quit, my God, He is Faithful to meet me where I am (Emmanuel), to be my Protector/my Banner (Jehovah- nissi), to be always there (Jehovah-shammah), to be all-sufficient (El Shaddai), to be my peace (Jehovah-shalom), my Lord (Adonai) and my healer (Jehovah-rapha)... Do you see the power in His very names?!! Wow!!!
His Name, Abba (Daddy) Father, is so intimate, so personal. Once again I think of myself as that little bitty, blonde haired, blue eyed girl that would run with such abandon into the arms of her Daddy, completely trusting that He would catch me, that He would protect me and provide for me...I mean I didn't think about it as a child, I just knew it. Instead, I often find myself looking at life through the lens of the middle aged, dirty-blonde haired, blue eyed woman who has come to overthink and trust very little because of the experiences of life rather than allowing myself to look at God through the eyes of a child and trust Him with reckless abandon! Matthew 18:3 even has Jesus telling us, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Verse 4 even goes on to say, "Therefore whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
One of the tactics of the enemy is to convince us that we can only trust ourselves and that we are not important to the One who created us (Elohim). Foolishness. When we are children we don't stop to think if we are wanted or important we just live life as if we are the most important to our father and our mother, don't we? When they call our name we come, but how much more precious is it when we say, "Daddy!" and our Father turns to us as if we are the only ones in the room, as if we are of upmost importance. BECAUSE WE ARE! Take time to think about the attributes God reveals through His Names to you and allow yourself to be that little child that simply trusts because it is all you know. That's what I want. I want to know my God with such abandon that all the other things and people around me are just a bonus, not the deciding factor in how I view this life. I have lived much of life backwards in this area, I think, and I find that I just want to know Him and the power of His resurrection, Philippians 3:10! To learn, really learn (to trust) to recognize that I am righteous because of Jesus, period, and that means that I can RUN into the Name of the LORD as a strong tower and be safe! I want to live this life in this truth more often than I fall to the lies of fear or into the sins of anger, doubt, pride and self-reliance... With this learning, this knowing (Philippians 3:10) will come suffering; and yet all of us suffer in some form or fashion, but we can suffer for Christ and with Christ rather than suffer because we are in sin and attempting to do things in our own strength. I don't know about you, but suffering with Christ and attaining the prize of heaven sounds like the better choice (Phil. 3:14).
Father God, forgive me for being so easily distracted by the things of this world, the hurts, the frustrations, the unknowns and for not trusting You with the abandon of a child. Help me to learn to more often turn to You with that faith and child-like trust that does not question but simply acts! On this Journey Your Way, please help me to know You more; to know Your Name and instead of choosing to try to run away in fear, or guilt, convinced that because I have disappointed myself and others once again, that surely You are disappointed with me and tired of me as well. Forgive me for attempting to make You so 'human' that I think You view things the way I do. You were human when You came as Jesus to save us from our sin; however You were perfect and sinless. You do not reject, hold grudges and respond in anger; You accept, You forgive, and You give me a clean slate...Your mercies are new every morning. You are good, You are faithful and You are my strong tower. I can rest in You. I can take refuge in You. You will do the work. You will prepare the way. You will hold me and never ever let me go! Thank You God, that You are my healer, that You are healing me according to Your time table and Your plan. That it does not matter what others see or even understand as long as I am following hard after You. I know that Your ways are best, forgive me for trying to get ahead of You, or trying to be in control and for trying to give up when You are the One who is always for me. Forgive me for rejecting You, for not believing You fully, for my lack of trust and unwillingness to know You as You desire to be known. Please, Lord, renew my hunger for You. My passion to be known and to know You. Transform me from deep within. Change my thinking and help me to learn to react less and respond more! Be the Lord of my mind, will and emotions. Help me to place my focus upon You and run to You as my first choice instead of waiting. Thank You for never giving up on me and for allowing me to share this Journey You have me on with others. Please God, I pray that You will receive the glory from my ramblings and that in my own confusion and battles that I would still point to You and not ever cause confusion or chaos for others as they seek You. To You God be the Glory! For You alone are Worthy of that Glory and Praise!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Psalm 143
1) LORD, hear my prayer.
In Your faithfulness listen to my plea,
and in Your righteousness answer me.
2) Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one alive is righteous in Your sight.
3) For the enemy has pursued me, crushing me into the ground,
making me live in darkness like those long dead.
4) My spirit is weak within me; my heart is overcome with dismay.
5) I remember the days of old; I meditate on all You have done;
I reflect on the work of Your hands.
6) I spread out my hands to you; I am like a parched land before You.
7) Answer me quickly, LORD; my spirit fails.
Don't hide Your face from me, or I will be like those going down to the Pit.
8) Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You.
Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You.
9) Rescue me from my enemies, LORD; I come to You for protection.
10) Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God.
May Your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground.
11) Because of Your name, Yahweh, let me live,
In Your righteousness deliver me from trouble,
12) and in Your faithful love destroy my enemies.
Wipe out all those who attack me, for I am Your servant.
Psalm 143
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I find that this Psalm says it all; however I am stuck. I have not been able to let go and trust God. I am still at the beginning and so frustrated to be back here. I realize that my battle is not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12) and yet I seem to spend more time fighting the wrong things and people and thus sitting in darkness once again. I haven't been writing because personally I am tired of hearing myself. I am having trouble accepting God's faithfulness in the face of my sin. My spirit is weak and my heart is overcome with dismay and I am royally tired of it. I am tired of coming to God in this state of dismay. In this state of defeat. So tired in fact that I am not coming to Him much at all. I am not doing a good job of remembering His faithfulness in days past or meditating on all He has done. I find that to spread out my hands before Him takes more energy than I have. To pray is even more than I can do. I am thankful that He intercedes for me and that His Holy Spirit takes these groans and translates them into prayer, Romans 8:26.
You know, I am not asking that you understand, I certainly don't, but I am asking for your prayer. I know that God has brought me this far to help me to step fully into victory in this area; however the battle is more intense than I have ever known. I know that His Word is true and when I am weak, He is made strong, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, and that His grace truly is sufficient. I hope taking this Journey His Way with me is not discouraging to You, but it is a real journey for me; therefore it has its ups and downs. I must share it all.
God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me, Ps. 51:10. You know the sin, You know the intense disappointment that I have in myself, You alone know the reasons behind it all. Help me to trust You fully and get over myself. Restore the joy of my salvation and give me a willing spirit. Thank You for friends unexpected. For understanding when I feel so misunderstood. Help me to hold my hands up in surrender and surrender my mind, heart and will as well to You and You alone. Forgive me for focusing on the feelings, on the attitudes, on myself rather than giving it all to You and letting You have it. Forgive me for thinking I need to punish myself by pulling away from You, by being silent instead of crying out to You. Father God, I am like a parched land before You and my spirit fails me. All I know is God, that I need You, period. Help me to long for You, to have a teachable spirit and a desire to do Your will. I am Yours, thank You that regardless of my feelings that this is truth because of Your faithfulness, Your forgiveness, because of Who Your are!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Psalm 19 - God's Revealing
Psalm 19
1) The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky proclaims the work of His hands.
2) Day after day they pour out speech; night after night they communicate knowledge.
3) There is no speech; there are no words; their voice is not heard.
4) Their message has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the inhabited world. In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun.
5) It is like a groom coming from the bridal chamber; it rejoices like an athlete running a course.
6) It rises from one end of the heavens and circles to their other end;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
7) The instruction of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is trustworthy, making the inexperienced wise.
8) The precepts of the LORD are right, making the heart glad; the commandment of the LORD is radiant, making the eyes light up.
9) The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever; the ordinances of the LORD
are reliable and altogether righteous.
10) They are more desirable than gold--than an abundance of pure gold;
and sweeter than honey--honey dripping from the comb.
11) In addition, Your servant is warned by them; there is great reward in keeping them.
12) Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults.
13) Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me.
Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion.
14) May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to You, LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.
So much has been said here in this Psalm. Do you ever just look at the sky and marvel at all God does? How it changes in moments and at different seasons. Our God is an artist. He proclaims Himself is so many ways. Think about the brilliance of the sun after it has been hidden behind the clouds for a few days, breathtaking and all inclusive in it's covering. He reveals Himself to us so often in nature, are we paying attention? Are we grateful? Sometimes, we are but if you are like me oftentimes you take His glorious show for granted. I love in those split seconds when He gets my attention and just overwhelms me with the beauty of His Creation.
Verse 7 tells us of the perfection of the LORD's instruction, that it revives the soul! You ever experienced that? Like the touching of the bright noonday sun warming our face is the sensation of His Word reviving our soul! The Word here says, 'testimony of the LORD is trustworthy.' It is, I have found it to be so! Praise the Lord for His marvelous Word that isn't just 'words' but is the 'Word made Flesh to dwell among us, John 1:14. Jesus, Himself is the Word! He not only spoke the Word, but lived it and made it so much more than Words! I am so grateful! I love words, as you have noticed, but I have found that words themselves are not enough. Actions need to follow those words, both for myself and for others. I want to learn to be more cautious with my words and make sure I mean what I say. Just realizing the completeness of Jesus as the Word is such a relief; to know that He said, He means it and He will follow through on it! Such peace, such joy and such joy in knowing that He is trustworthy! He keeps His promises; all of them!
He says that following His instruction will make us wise and that knowing they are right will make our hearts glad and our eyes light up! His Word is radiant! The fear (worshipful submission, reverential awe and obedient respect - according to the HCSB notes) of the LORD is pure, it endures forever because His Word is reliable and altogether righteous, vs. 9. Don't you love that word, altogether? I love how in every way God always goes above and beyond! His Word is not just radiant, pure, enduring forever, reliable but ALTOGETHER righteous! His Truth is completely and utterly righteous! He is sovereign, He has a plan and He is completely right in it! Our questions are fine as long as they cause us to reconsider His control and recognize that He is doing the best thing all the time! Our reward comes from keeping His Word! I want to know His Word but not just in my head. but in my actions. The question is, am I willing to put forth the effort it takes to know His Word, to know Him or will I spend most of my time distracted and pursuing those things that will not last?
Look at verses 12-13; He perceives even the sins that I don't recognize; those that perhaps I commit out of ignorance or even out of innocence. See what He does once again? He goes above and beyond. He cleanses me from my willful sins and even allows us to ask for help in not succumbing to them and beyond that He cleanses us from those things that we do unintentionally and oftentimes eventually reveals the wrongness in it in such a way that I do not feel spanked, but that much more loved because He cares enough to confront me. There is no better friend than that! Is He your Friend? Or have you let it be enough that He is your redeemer, your savior, Your healer, etc...?
I love verse 14! I have for many years and yet I am so thankful He had me back up to see the entire Psalm instead of once again landing somewhere familiar. What a great reminder of the 'BIGNESS' of God this psalm is! Of His intimate work in us, His revealing of Himself to us! I can so see how David's words/song was culminated in verse 14. Consider all the works of God's hand, the revealing of Himself visually through creation to the fulfillment of His Word and it will certainly change your view of yourself. I find that I am not quite as important as I think I am and yet I am of ultimate value to my very Creator! I find that to look at Him clearly, helps me to see my lack and enables me to then confess and repent and He then renews and restores my hunger for Him! Verse 14 (I didm't forget), "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." In going through the process this Psalm presents I find myself desiring what God wants instead of my own will! He allows me to want change and to recognize that He is the One with the strength to make it happen. Oh, the power of His Word! Get in it and He will show you marvelous things; He will show You Himself and there is nothing greater!
Father God, thank You for being my rock and my Redeemer! Thank You for revealing Yourself to me and helping me to see Your great worth the blessing that it is to be Yours! Thank You again for the visual reminders in the heavens of Your mercy, grace, provision, beauty, comfort, etc. Thank You for never ever tiring of me and for revealing Yourself in my life and helping me to reject those things that are not of You. May I look to You and Your Word first and foremost. May I recognize the worth of Your Word and not take it so often for granted. Please God, transform me from the inside out! Help me to obey You and You alone!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Isaiah 55:6-11
ISAIAH 55:6-11
6) Seek the LORD while He may be found; call to Him while He is near.
7) Let the wicked one abandon his way, and the sinful one his thoughts, and let him return to the LORD, so he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive.
8) 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways.'
This is the LORD's declaration.
9) 'For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
10) For just as rain and snow fall from heaven, and do not return there without saturating the earth and making it germinated and sprout, and providing seed to sow and food to eat,
11) so my Word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please, and will prosper in what I sent it to do.'
Jumping right in...Am I seeking God? Do I realize the privilege it is that He allows me to find Him, to know that He is near? As the wicked and sinful one who has been rescued and redeemed have I abandoned my thoughts and my ways? Abandoned is a pretty strong word, huh? Abandoned means forsaken, deserted; to leave completely and finally; to give up, discontinue, withdraw; and to yield oneself with out restraint or moderation! Whoa! Consider this with me for a minute, if I have abandoned my way and my thoughts what does that need to look like? I do not know about you but I think I am often to easy upon myself. I mean I 'beat' myself up over things just like the next person, but usually it is about things that don't really matter in the long run. I often hide, or avoid the fact the when I have truly abandoned my way and my own thoughts that I have returned to the LORD. Now I am not referring to salvation here, but everyday living. In order to be saved we must have turned from our sin and accepted what Jesus did by dying, being buried and resurrected to provide us with life. If you do not know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior check out these verses and trust in Him, Romans 3:10-12, 23; Romans 6:23; Romans 5:8; Romans 10:9-10, 13; Romans 5:1; Romans 8:1; and Romans 8:38-39.
I am suggesting that in my own life I tend to moderate things or rationalize my motives and my thoughts rather than abandoning my own ways and trusting fully in the LORD! In my moment by moment, I have the choice as to whether or not I will do things my way or return to the LORD. I want to be more conscious of the LORD and His ways throughout my days! I am beyond thankful that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine! Such relief in knowing that He is in charge; really fully and completely in charge! Look at the rest of it - His Word comes from His mouth and He promises that it will accomplish exactly what He pleases and it will prosper wherever He sends it! He will grow us through His Word if we are willing to seek Him, and we are willing to abandon our ways. Did you see the rest of verse 7, so He may have compassion on him (the one who seeks Him and abandons his own ways)...for He will freely forgive! Our LORD wants to have compassion on us and freely forgive us! Praise God with me! He is so good to us isn't He??? I am so thankful that He is not like me; struggling to forgive at times, and letting go of hurts, resentments, having a bad attitude more often than not, aren't you? What a relief!
Father God, thank You for allowing us to seek You and for being available to be found! What mercy and grace You show us! Thank You that when we forget to seek You, that You even give us gentle reminders! How amazing it is to me that You are waiting to have compassion on me! I just don't get it, but I am so, so thankful for it! LORD, I do pray that You will change my thoughts more and more each day to be more like Yours. Teach me Your Word and give me the desire, the hunger to know You better than ever before. Thank You that Your plans and purposes will come about and that Your Word will prosper in whatever You send it to do. May I truly abandon my wicked ways, my tendency to sit in my emotions, or let them be in charge and may I reject thoughts that are not of You! Help me to truly repent and not just say that I do and yet still try to hold on to control with one hand. Forgive me for not truly abandoning my wrong thinking for still allowing it to come in and be in charge. Help me to abandon what You have made known to be lies and follow hard after Your Truth. Forgive me for making excuses for myself and for not fully trusting You! Change me and help me to wait for Your lead and stop trying so hard; may I accept Your forgiveness and Your compassion and may Your Word grow in me in such a way that I am not seen but able to point to You, alone. God, I am so grateful for all You have done and all You are doing; please keep me focused on You and forgive me for being so easily distracted and side-tracked. Help me to know Your Words and Your thoughts so that I can immediately recognize those that are not of You! May I be strong in You and continue to follow You on this Journey Your Way. I surrender again to You; I want to be completely and utterly dependent upon You, God! Be the LORD of each area of my life and help me to obey Your lead.
6) Seek the LORD while He may be found; call to Him while He is near.
7) Let the wicked one abandon his way, and the sinful one his thoughts, and let him return to the LORD, so he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive.
8) 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways.'
This is the LORD's declaration.
9) 'For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.
10) For just as rain and snow fall from heaven, and do not return there without saturating the earth and making it germinated and sprout, and providing seed to sow and food to eat,
11) so my Word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please, and will prosper in what I sent it to do.'
Jumping right in...Am I seeking God? Do I realize the privilege it is that He allows me to find Him, to know that He is near? As the wicked and sinful one who has been rescued and redeemed have I abandoned my thoughts and my ways? Abandoned is a pretty strong word, huh? Abandoned means forsaken, deserted; to leave completely and finally; to give up, discontinue, withdraw; and to yield oneself with out restraint or moderation! Whoa! Consider this with me for a minute, if I have abandoned my way and my thoughts what does that need to look like? I do not know about you but I think I am often to easy upon myself. I mean I 'beat' myself up over things just like the next person, but usually it is about things that don't really matter in the long run. I often hide, or avoid the fact the when I have truly abandoned my way and my own thoughts that I have returned to the LORD. Now I am not referring to salvation here, but everyday living. In order to be saved we must have turned from our sin and accepted what Jesus did by dying, being buried and resurrected to provide us with life. If you do not know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior check out these verses and trust in Him, Romans 3:10-12, 23; Romans 6:23; Romans 5:8; Romans 10:9-10, 13; Romans 5:1; Romans 8:1; and Romans 8:38-39.
I am suggesting that in my own life I tend to moderate things or rationalize my motives and my thoughts rather than abandoning my own ways and trusting fully in the LORD! In my moment by moment, I have the choice as to whether or not I will do things my way or return to the LORD. I want to be more conscious of the LORD and His ways throughout my days! I am beyond thankful that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine! Such relief in knowing that He is in charge; really fully and completely in charge! Look at the rest of it - His Word comes from His mouth and He promises that it will accomplish exactly what He pleases and it will prosper wherever He sends it! He will grow us through His Word if we are willing to seek Him, and we are willing to abandon our ways. Did you see the rest of verse 7, so He may have compassion on him (the one who seeks Him and abandons his own ways)...for He will freely forgive! Our LORD wants to have compassion on us and freely forgive us! Praise God with me! He is so good to us isn't He??? I am so thankful that He is not like me; struggling to forgive at times, and letting go of hurts, resentments, having a bad attitude more often than not, aren't you? What a relief!
Father God, thank You for allowing us to seek You and for being available to be found! What mercy and grace You show us! Thank You that when we forget to seek You, that You even give us gentle reminders! How amazing it is to me that You are waiting to have compassion on me! I just don't get it, but I am so, so thankful for it! LORD, I do pray that You will change my thoughts more and more each day to be more like Yours. Teach me Your Word and give me the desire, the hunger to know You better than ever before. Thank You that Your plans and purposes will come about and that Your Word will prosper in whatever You send it to do. May I truly abandon my wicked ways, my tendency to sit in my emotions, or let them be in charge and may I reject thoughts that are not of You! Help me to truly repent and not just say that I do and yet still try to hold on to control with one hand. Forgive me for not truly abandoning my wrong thinking for still allowing it to come in and be in charge. Help me to abandon what You have made known to be lies and follow hard after Your Truth. Forgive me for making excuses for myself and for not fully trusting You! Change me and help me to wait for Your lead and stop trying so hard; may I accept Your forgiveness and Your compassion and may Your Word grow in me in such a way that I am not seen but able to point to You, alone. God, I am so grateful for all You have done and all You are doing; please keep me focused on You and forgive me for being so easily distracted and side-tracked. Help me to know Your Words and Your thoughts so that I can immediately recognize those that are not of You! May I be strong in You and continue to follow You on this Journey Your Way. I surrender again to You; I want to be completely and utterly dependent upon You, God! Be the LORD of each area of my life and help me to obey Your lead.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Look to the LORD
Well, it has been a few days and honestly I do not know where to begin. Can I just say, WOW! I have had some amazing times in the last few days and some not so amazing times. All of which have pointed out how very much God is interested in the day to day, moment by moment of our lives.
My default is to fall back to words, thoughts, ideas...fellowship, comfort zones, issues, hurts, hope, plans, strength, weakness, quitting, trying, seeking, finding, trusting, resting, falling flat, repenting, worship, sacrifice, joy, peace, agony, desperation, life, death, JESUS, family, friends, observations, intuitions, discernment, defeat, victory, stress, release, identity, caring, helping, sharing, lonely, alone, overwhelmed, understood... and on and on I could go.
So much to say, but not really any words today. Shocking, I know (;
Psalm 105:4 "Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always." You ever have trouble looking? Recognizing His strength? Oh and what about 'always' struggling to seek His face? So it is confession time, after all that is why I blog, I think. I so struggle to keep my eyes on His face and off of myself and off of the faces of those that I love or those that I struggle with. Sometimes I just stubbornly sit in the unwillingness to look or to seek, in other words, sin. Sometimes I allow myself to get busy and distracted while being very aware that I am avoiding what I need, which is focused, deliberate time to confess and deal. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with all the different things that are coming at me and rather than turn directly to the Lord with them I enter into fear, worry, frustration, defeat, and anger. This is a cycle that I despise. I am getting better at not staying there so long each time but the fact that I put myself through it over an over again irritates me which then feeds the cycle - yep, I'm worn out.
I have seen God do some amazing things in the last few days, and also work out some pretty difficult circumstances, as well as continuing to wait because I know He is at work and has a plan. The thing is I so often get in His way. I look forward to heaven where I will be able to look to Him and His strength and seek His face always, but until then I want to get better at it in the here and now. I want to recognize Him, to truly see Him and get over myself and my foolish tendencies to look to my own strength, my own opinions and my own self-interests. The word balance comes to mind.
Father God, I am so grateful for all You are showing me and that You do not give up on me, regardless. I pray for the eyes to see You and the strength to look to You alone. Forgive me for so often getting distracted with needs, issues, wanting to help or just plan old controlling. Forgive me for allowing the people and circumstances of life to determine my attitude and my reactions. Teach me God to rest in You and to keep my eyes open even when the temptation comes to close them or look where I 'want.' God, please continually change my want and give me the wherewithal to focus on You regardless of my feelings. Thank You for Your faithfulness, for Your mercy, and for Your grace. Teach me to truly worship You and I pray that You would change my perception of what worshipping You is. May I learn to see You as the honored guest and worship You with my entire life in the day to day. May I trust You completely and worship You with abandon wherever and what ever is going on. Thank You for Your unfailing love! Thank You for providing rest, help me to absorb it and not fight it so. You know this journey that I am on better than I do. I need Your clarity, Your wisdom, Your discernment and Your strength to submit to You and be transformed. May I follow through on the things that You have shown me and wait for Your result. May I simply obey. May I trust in You alone.
My default is to fall back to words, thoughts, ideas...fellowship, comfort zones, issues, hurts, hope, plans, strength, weakness, quitting, trying, seeking, finding, trusting, resting, falling flat, repenting, worship, sacrifice, joy, peace, agony, desperation, life, death, JESUS, family, friends, observations, intuitions, discernment, defeat, victory, stress, release, identity, caring, helping, sharing, lonely, alone, overwhelmed, understood... and on and on I could go.
So much to say, but not really any words today. Shocking, I know (;
Psalm 105:4 "Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always." You ever have trouble looking? Recognizing His strength? Oh and what about 'always' struggling to seek His face? So it is confession time, after all that is why I blog, I think. I so struggle to keep my eyes on His face and off of myself and off of the faces of those that I love or those that I struggle with. Sometimes I just stubbornly sit in the unwillingness to look or to seek, in other words, sin. Sometimes I allow myself to get busy and distracted while being very aware that I am avoiding what I need, which is focused, deliberate time to confess and deal. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with all the different things that are coming at me and rather than turn directly to the Lord with them I enter into fear, worry, frustration, defeat, and anger. This is a cycle that I despise. I am getting better at not staying there so long each time but the fact that I put myself through it over an over again irritates me which then feeds the cycle - yep, I'm worn out.
I have seen God do some amazing things in the last few days, and also work out some pretty difficult circumstances, as well as continuing to wait because I know He is at work and has a plan. The thing is I so often get in His way. I look forward to heaven where I will be able to look to Him and His strength and seek His face always, but until then I want to get better at it in the here and now. I want to recognize Him, to truly see Him and get over myself and my foolish tendencies to look to my own strength, my own opinions and my own self-interests. The word balance comes to mind.
Father God, I am so grateful for all You are showing me and that You do not give up on me, regardless. I pray for the eyes to see You and the strength to look to You alone. Forgive me for so often getting distracted with needs, issues, wanting to help or just plan old controlling. Forgive me for allowing the people and circumstances of life to determine my attitude and my reactions. Teach me God to rest in You and to keep my eyes open even when the temptation comes to close them or look where I 'want.' God, please continually change my want and give me the wherewithal to focus on You regardless of my feelings. Thank You for Your faithfulness, for Your mercy, and for Your grace. Teach me to truly worship You and I pray that You would change my perception of what worshipping You is. May I learn to see You as the honored guest and worship You with my entire life in the day to day. May I trust You completely and worship You with abandon wherever and what ever is going on. Thank You for Your unfailing love! Thank You for providing rest, help me to absorb it and not fight it so. You know this journey that I am on better than I do. I need Your clarity, Your wisdom, Your discernment and Your strength to submit to You and be transformed. May I follow through on the things that You have shown me and wait for Your result. May I simply obey. May I trust in You alone.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Just Random Thoughts ;)
Well today, I have been pretty intensely focused on thinking about strengths and weaknesses in myself. I am in on a healing journey that at times is taking way longer than perhaps I think it should; however God is being so gracious to me to allow me this season of 'rest.' I am not busy about activities as I once was, going in so many different directions that truly I didn't know which way was up. I am now in a season where my kids are practically grown and I no longer homeschool and I realize that it is a time for significant evaluation and surrender.
I am one of those people who lost herself in her 'roles.' I find that I have been extraordinarily blessed by being a wife and a mom; however I have forgotten what it means, or maybe I never did discover, what it means to be Tammy. Just me, the me God created me to be instead I have spent a lifetime trying to be the 'Tammy' that I thought others wanted me to be. I find that is not enough. I want to be the 'me' that God created me to be. The one that He delights in and sings over Zephaniah 3:17. I want to find delight in knowing that I am a Child of God; His daughter and that He loves me and accepts me just because of who He is. I am finding that delight and it is a journey like no other. God is so good!
One of my favorite verses my entire Christian life has been, Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I can say that He has done that for me by giving me my dream of being a stay at home wife and mom! I have attempted to delight myself in Him throughout my life, the difference is today it is more out of love for Him than because it is something I thought I should do! I, long ago committed my life to Him and trusted Him (vs.5); however as I have gotten older I realize I had gotten farther away from actually TRUSTING HIM, by that I me fully trusting Him, in thinking that I was responsible for my husband, my children, to be a pastor's wife, to be a friend, etc. and that I was in control. It was subtle and it was under the guise of serving God etc. when literally it was me trying to earn what cannot be earned! What I have already received as a gift from God Himself! Wow, what a lot of effort for stress, pain, depression when I need to be putting my efforts towards resting in Him (internally), trusting that He really is who He says He is rather than constantly trying to figure out that next 'right' thing I am supposed to do. Finally He has my attention! Thank You, God, for answering this prayer I have prayed for years to learn to delight in You in such an amazing way!
Now the title of this blog today is random thoughts because I just feel like sharing. Nothing specific just life and it will be long!
I am finding that Christ is all He says He is! I have known Him for many years but my focus has been on striving to please Him and others rather than resting in the fact that He is pleased with me because of Jesus. I have spent many wasted years stressing myself out, trying to be all that 'I thought' was acceptable, godly and necessary to be loved, liked and known! Foolishness! I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes! I have so far to go, but I am finally more often than not heading in the right direction. I know that I am in a season of healing, trust me there is much to be healed from because I have spent a lifetime stuffing and surviving rather than facing and dealing. God in His infinite wisdom has caused me 'to hit the wall' so to speak on a variety of occasions but finally this time in 'hitting the wall' I would say I finally gave up the desperate control that I thought I had to have. I mean, if you would have asked me I would have told you that I trusted God and that I wanted Him to be in charge of my life, and it would have been true to a certain point, but what was missing as I mentioned before was ABUNDANT LIFE and REAL JOY based on Him rather than on what I did or didn't do. I believe I am finally at a point in my life that I have become desperate enough to be completely honest and say I do not have it all together! I am struggling intensely and I hurt dreadfully! The good news is that in that desperation, struggle and hurt God has met me in ways I could never have imagined! He is like that, you know? Always more than we can ask or imagine! (Ephesians 3:20)
This season is one that while exciting in its growth is frustrating in its consumption of time. You see, I get in a hurry. I forget on a regular basis that I want God to be in control of all of me and I just take off on my own ;-/ Thankfully He doesn't leave me so I cannot get far :-D Are you not so grateful that He loves us like He does! Wow, I am, more than ever before I am getting it! HE LOVES ME, period. BECAUSE HE DOES! I AM HIS CHILD! Lately I have thought a lot about myself as that little blond haired, blue eyed little girl with the big grin (did I mention buck teeth;) who runs full on with abandon into the arms of my Heavenly Father KNOWING, TRUSTING that He will catch me!!! I love this picture. I am not sure if there is anything I loved more than when my children were little and they would run to me and hold up their arms and I would get to hold them with their little arms snuggled tight around my neck! If we love our children like this, the Word says how much more does our Father in heaven love us - and give us good gifts, Matthew 7:11; 1 John 3:1. Think about this!
So back to the timing of healing. My healing is on God's time table and it is in His way. I can already tell you that I much prefer His healing to all the 'band-aiding' I did for so many years. His grace truly is sufficient, 2 Corinthians 12:9. For me stepping out of 'survival' mode has meant that I am truly allowing His grace to be sufficient in my weakness. His power resting on me is better than all the things I have strived for through the years. Does this make any sense? Knowing Him and the power of His resurrection; there is nothing like it, Philippians 3:12. Oh, follow my blog and you will be guaranteed to see the ups and downs, but the difference this time for me is that I am willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to live a healthy, vibrant, godly life without all the legalism and religiosity.
Again, I have a long way to go, but you see, God is doing the work so the results are up to Him! They always have been, but I haven't been living like it! I have lived a life of striving, pursuing and while I truly was striving and pursuing to know the Lord I got hung up on the knowing and not the being; the doing not the experiencing. I want to walk with Him! I want to share the difference He is making in my life because He can and will do the same for you! He is the our Redeemer!
I have spent so many years in bondage, thinking that the freedom Christ (Galatians 5:1) talks about must just be for someone else because I did not seem to be able to get it! I mean abundant life? What is that? I have a good life but inside of me I just wasn't good. I was fighting, I was in a battle to get what I thought I wanted, to be accepted, loved, valued, etc. and all along I already had this when Jesus revealed to me that I am a sinner in need of a Savior and He came to live in my life! Instead of fully surrendering, though, I surrendered parts at a time and then took back parts because obviously I could do a much better job than God, (sarcasm intended!). All I know is that getting to what appears to be the end of myself (at least in this area, I pray He continues to empty me), deep into a pit that I thought was just how life had to be regardless of all my desires and efforts has forced me to realize what surrender really is. Now, it is still a process (remember, we aren't complete until we get to heaven, Philippians 3:20; however I am tired of making excuses and living in misery internally because of what it might look like if I get help; if I share my desperation!
All the help in the world, all the talking in the world, all the medicines in the world are not THE ANSWER, (they may be part of the journey, part of the process), but our CHOICE IS WHAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!! I can choose to continue living life my way or I can chose to surrender to the One Who Knows Everything! Not much of a choice as far as I can see...CHOOSE HIM! Life, abundant life, joy, peace, hope, forgiveness, love, grace, mercy...as opposed to death, depression, stress, agony, desperation, bitterness, resentment, un-forgiveness, paying the penalty myself! Yep, only one right choice! Get help; whatever you need; but make the choice to surrender to Christ first and follow His lead as you get that help.
Please, if you are living in a pit of despair, stressed and trying to manage life on your own...it does not work! Even if you are already a believer in Christ, saved and sure stop living in bondage; stop trying to fix it on your own. He is the only one who can help. He gives us wonderful people in our lives, resources, doctors etc. but until we choose, until we really deep down, gut level choose transformation and change is only fleeting and it is only a portion of what He really wants to do. Jesus is a gentleman, He does not force Himself on us but He asks, Revelation 3:20. Can you grasp that? He wants to be with you, with me! He wants to live life with us! Trust me, His life is the better choice. If you don't know Him, you really need to! And if you know Him; how about being known by Him and experiencing a more intimate relationship with the One who loves You best and never ever tires of you, never ever leaves you and who actually delights in you!
I want to be who He wants me to be. I want to wait and let Him show me; as hard as that is. I do not want to get busy about 'church,' about 'programs,' about 'stuff' any longer. I want to know Him in the power of His resurrection and walk in His ways and not fulfill the lusts of my flesh! Galatians 5:16
I had better stop and get busy with something else besides words today ;-D
Father God, thank You for who You are! Have Your will and way in us! Get and keep our attention and help us to obey!
I am one of those people who lost herself in her 'roles.' I find that I have been extraordinarily blessed by being a wife and a mom; however I have forgotten what it means, or maybe I never did discover, what it means to be Tammy. Just me, the me God created me to be instead I have spent a lifetime trying to be the 'Tammy' that I thought others wanted me to be. I find that is not enough. I want to be the 'me' that God created me to be. The one that He delights in and sings over Zephaniah 3:17. I want to find delight in knowing that I am a Child of God; His daughter and that He loves me and accepts me just because of who He is. I am finding that delight and it is a journey like no other. God is so good!
One of my favorite verses my entire Christian life has been, Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I can say that He has done that for me by giving me my dream of being a stay at home wife and mom! I have attempted to delight myself in Him throughout my life, the difference is today it is more out of love for Him than because it is something I thought I should do! I, long ago committed my life to Him and trusted Him (vs.5); however as I have gotten older I realize I had gotten farther away from actually TRUSTING HIM, by that I me fully trusting Him, in thinking that I was responsible for my husband, my children, to be a pastor's wife, to be a friend, etc. and that I was in control. It was subtle and it was under the guise of serving God etc. when literally it was me trying to earn what cannot be earned! What I have already received as a gift from God Himself! Wow, what a lot of effort for stress, pain, depression when I need to be putting my efforts towards resting in Him (internally), trusting that He really is who He says He is rather than constantly trying to figure out that next 'right' thing I am supposed to do. Finally He has my attention! Thank You, God, for answering this prayer I have prayed for years to learn to delight in You in such an amazing way!
Now the title of this blog today is random thoughts because I just feel like sharing. Nothing specific just life and it will be long!
I am finding that Christ is all He says He is! I have known Him for many years but my focus has been on striving to please Him and others rather than resting in the fact that He is pleased with me because of Jesus. I have spent many wasted years stressing myself out, trying to be all that 'I thought' was acceptable, godly and necessary to be loved, liked and known! Foolishness! I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes! I have so far to go, but I am finally more often than not heading in the right direction. I know that I am in a season of healing, trust me there is much to be healed from because I have spent a lifetime stuffing and surviving rather than facing and dealing. God in His infinite wisdom has caused me 'to hit the wall' so to speak on a variety of occasions but finally this time in 'hitting the wall' I would say I finally gave up the desperate control that I thought I had to have. I mean, if you would have asked me I would have told you that I trusted God and that I wanted Him to be in charge of my life, and it would have been true to a certain point, but what was missing as I mentioned before was ABUNDANT LIFE and REAL JOY based on Him rather than on what I did or didn't do. I believe I am finally at a point in my life that I have become desperate enough to be completely honest and say I do not have it all together! I am struggling intensely and I hurt dreadfully! The good news is that in that desperation, struggle and hurt God has met me in ways I could never have imagined! He is like that, you know? Always more than we can ask or imagine! (Ephesians 3:20)
This season is one that while exciting in its growth is frustrating in its consumption of time. You see, I get in a hurry. I forget on a regular basis that I want God to be in control of all of me and I just take off on my own ;-/ Thankfully He doesn't leave me so I cannot get far :-D Are you not so grateful that He loves us like He does! Wow, I am, more than ever before I am getting it! HE LOVES ME, period. BECAUSE HE DOES! I AM HIS CHILD! Lately I have thought a lot about myself as that little blond haired, blue eyed little girl with the big grin (did I mention buck teeth;) who runs full on with abandon into the arms of my Heavenly Father KNOWING, TRUSTING that He will catch me!!! I love this picture. I am not sure if there is anything I loved more than when my children were little and they would run to me and hold up their arms and I would get to hold them with their little arms snuggled tight around my neck! If we love our children like this, the Word says how much more does our Father in heaven love us - and give us good gifts, Matthew 7:11; 1 John 3:1. Think about this!
So back to the timing of healing. My healing is on God's time table and it is in His way. I can already tell you that I much prefer His healing to all the 'band-aiding' I did for so many years. His grace truly is sufficient, 2 Corinthians 12:9. For me stepping out of 'survival' mode has meant that I am truly allowing His grace to be sufficient in my weakness. His power resting on me is better than all the things I have strived for through the years. Does this make any sense? Knowing Him and the power of His resurrection; there is nothing like it, Philippians 3:12. Oh, follow my blog and you will be guaranteed to see the ups and downs, but the difference this time for me is that I am willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to live a healthy, vibrant, godly life without all the legalism and religiosity.
Again, I have a long way to go, but you see, God is doing the work so the results are up to Him! They always have been, but I haven't been living like it! I have lived a life of striving, pursuing and while I truly was striving and pursuing to know the Lord I got hung up on the knowing and not the being; the doing not the experiencing. I want to walk with Him! I want to share the difference He is making in my life because He can and will do the same for you! He is the our Redeemer!
I have spent so many years in bondage, thinking that the freedom Christ (Galatians 5:1) talks about must just be for someone else because I did not seem to be able to get it! I mean abundant life? What is that? I have a good life but inside of me I just wasn't good. I was fighting, I was in a battle to get what I thought I wanted, to be accepted, loved, valued, etc. and all along I already had this when Jesus revealed to me that I am a sinner in need of a Savior and He came to live in my life! Instead of fully surrendering, though, I surrendered parts at a time and then took back parts because obviously I could do a much better job than God, (sarcasm intended!). All I know is that getting to what appears to be the end of myself (at least in this area, I pray He continues to empty me), deep into a pit that I thought was just how life had to be regardless of all my desires and efforts has forced me to realize what surrender really is. Now, it is still a process (remember, we aren't complete until we get to heaven, Philippians 3:20; however I am tired of making excuses and living in misery internally because of what it might look like if I get help; if I share my desperation!
All the help in the world, all the talking in the world, all the medicines in the world are not THE ANSWER, (they may be part of the journey, part of the process), but our CHOICE IS WHAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!! I can choose to continue living life my way or I can chose to surrender to the One Who Knows Everything! Not much of a choice as far as I can see...CHOOSE HIM! Life, abundant life, joy, peace, hope, forgiveness, love, grace, mercy...as opposed to death, depression, stress, agony, desperation, bitterness, resentment, un-forgiveness, paying the penalty myself! Yep, only one right choice! Get help; whatever you need; but make the choice to surrender to Christ first and follow His lead as you get that help.
Please, if you are living in a pit of despair, stressed and trying to manage life on your own...it does not work! Even if you are already a believer in Christ, saved and sure stop living in bondage; stop trying to fix it on your own. He is the only one who can help. He gives us wonderful people in our lives, resources, doctors etc. but until we choose, until we really deep down, gut level choose transformation and change is only fleeting and it is only a portion of what He really wants to do. Jesus is a gentleman, He does not force Himself on us but He asks, Revelation 3:20. Can you grasp that? He wants to be with you, with me! He wants to live life with us! Trust me, His life is the better choice. If you don't know Him, you really need to! And if you know Him; how about being known by Him and experiencing a more intimate relationship with the One who loves You best and never ever tires of you, never ever leaves you and who actually delights in you!
I want to be who He wants me to be. I want to wait and let Him show me; as hard as that is. I do not want to get busy about 'church,' about 'programs,' about 'stuff' any longer. I want to know Him in the power of His resurrection and walk in His ways and not fulfill the lusts of my flesh! Galatians 5:16
I had better stop and get busy with something else besides words today ;-D
Father God, thank You for who You are! Have Your will and way in us! Get and keep our attention and help us to obey!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The Exception? NOPE!
The word exception is on my mind today. Exception - the act of excepting or the fact of being excepted; something expected; an instance or case not conforming to the general rule. Why, you might ask? Well, Romans 8:1 came to my attention this morning, 'Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus.' With this verse I began to wonder why I often consider myself the exception and the realization that I do this more often than not! This is not a good thing; this is pride at its very root and I am only just seeing it as such. Who am I to think that I am the only one that God's Word does not apply to, or that maybe I am just a little bit condemned? I mean, if you really knew me deep inside, you would probably condemn me too. But WAIT, His Word says there is NO CONDEMNATION THAT EXISTS FOR THOSE IN CHRIST JESUS! Not a little bit, not a lot a bit; absolutely NONE! HOW??? Look at verse 2 of Romans 8, 'because the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.'
Are you getting this with me? Do you see the totality of it? JESUS HAS SET ME FREE! I am not the exception; nor are you! And why in the world would I want to be??? This is how I often live my life though in the day to day. I hang my head, I feel disappointed with myself and I allow myself to be convinced that I am not worthy of this freedom and of this abundant life! IT IS NOT ABOUT ME BEING WORTHY EVER! I AM NOT WORTHY IN MY OWN STRENGTH, IN MY OWN ACTIONS; BUT BECAUSE OF JESUS I AM ACCEPTED! I AM NOW WORTHY ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I AM HIS! He did the work and yet so often I fall right back into the trap of thinking that I must do something else! Colossians 2:9-10 tells me I have been given the 'fullness of God's nature." Hebrews 10:14 says, 'For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are sanctified!' Perfected means to be made complete and sanctified means we have been set apart. Jesus does this for us and so much more!
Why do I spend so much time believing the lies of the enemy and my flesh? Do I like to be depressed? Do I like to be defeated? Do I like drama? Do I ??? I want out of this trap! I want to spend more of my days recognizing Jesus and His work in my life than I do giving in to the old habits and lies of the enemy. I am not dead in my trespasses and sins anymore! Ephesians 2:8, For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift! I am alive, fully alive in Christ and I need to live like it! Philippians 1:6 tells me that I can be sure that He is at work; am I? Yes, I am and where I am weak I want to be sure and strong! "I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." He started the work and He will complete it...I can rest in that knowledge! He is trustworthy! He is faithful! Remember? His faithfulness is GREAT, Lamentations 3:23! His love is UNFAILING, Psalm 117:2! His grace is FREELY GIVEN, Ephesians 1:6! His mercy is ABUNDANT, Ephesians 2:4!
Father God, thank You for Your truth! Thank You, Jesus for the work You did on the cross and that You didn't stop there, but You rose from the grave to give me life! Forgive me for thinking I was the exception, for thinking that there are qualifications on Your gift! For not accepting what You say as the full truth! Forgive me for living with my head down, condemned and defeated when You have set me free! You lift my head and You give me victory! May I walk through this day as You lead! May I step out of the way and simply obey! Please Holy Spirit, forgive me for grieving You, for quenching You in my life! May You open my eyes, my ears, soften my heart and renew my mind! Help me to place my eyes on You and Your work! Help me to rest, truly rest in knowing that You have me, You are at work and You will never leave me! I am Your beloved! I am Your princess! I am Your daughter! I am Yours and nothing else matters! Help me to truly walk in the truth of this! You be in charge and when I am tempted to fall, to take over once again or to give in to my thoughts, fears, etc. I pray that You will get my attention quickly and that You alone will be Lord of my life! Thank You for Your Word and thank You for the book Classic Christianity that has thrust me into Your Word in ways I have never been before! Thank You, too, for Jason Gray and his music, for using it to encourage me and allowing me to worship You with it! "Remind Me Who I Am!" Jesus, throughout this day and beyond! I love You and I praise You because You alone are worthy to be praised!!!
Are you getting this with me? Do you see the totality of it? JESUS HAS SET ME FREE! I am not the exception; nor are you! And why in the world would I want to be??? This is how I often live my life though in the day to day. I hang my head, I feel disappointed with myself and I allow myself to be convinced that I am not worthy of this freedom and of this abundant life! IT IS NOT ABOUT ME BEING WORTHY EVER! I AM NOT WORTHY IN MY OWN STRENGTH, IN MY OWN ACTIONS; BUT BECAUSE OF JESUS I AM ACCEPTED! I AM NOW WORTHY ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I AM HIS! He did the work and yet so often I fall right back into the trap of thinking that I must do something else! Colossians 2:9-10 tells me I have been given the 'fullness of God's nature." Hebrews 10:14 says, 'For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are sanctified!' Perfected means to be made complete and sanctified means we have been set apart. Jesus does this for us and so much more!
Why do I spend so much time believing the lies of the enemy and my flesh? Do I like to be depressed? Do I like to be defeated? Do I like drama? Do I ??? I want out of this trap! I want to spend more of my days recognizing Jesus and His work in my life than I do giving in to the old habits and lies of the enemy. I am not dead in my trespasses and sins anymore! Ephesians 2:8, For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift! I am alive, fully alive in Christ and I need to live like it! Philippians 1:6 tells me that I can be sure that He is at work; am I? Yes, I am and where I am weak I want to be sure and strong! "I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." He started the work and He will complete it...I can rest in that knowledge! He is trustworthy! He is faithful! Remember? His faithfulness is GREAT, Lamentations 3:23! His love is UNFAILING, Psalm 117:2! His grace is FREELY GIVEN, Ephesians 1:6! His mercy is ABUNDANT, Ephesians 2:4!
Father God, thank You for Your truth! Thank You, Jesus for the work You did on the cross and that You didn't stop there, but You rose from the grave to give me life! Forgive me for thinking I was the exception, for thinking that there are qualifications on Your gift! For not accepting what You say as the full truth! Forgive me for living with my head down, condemned and defeated when You have set me free! You lift my head and You give me victory! May I walk through this day as You lead! May I step out of the way and simply obey! Please Holy Spirit, forgive me for grieving You, for quenching You in my life! May You open my eyes, my ears, soften my heart and renew my mind! Help me to place my eyes on You and Your work! Help me to rest, truly rest in knowing that You have me, You are at work and You will never leave me! I am Your beloved! I am Your princess! I am Your daughter! I am Yours and nothing else matters! Help me to truly walk in the truth of this! You be in charge and when I am tempted to fall, to take over once again or to give in to my thoughts, fears, etc. I pray that You will get my attention quickly and that You alone will be Lord of my life! Thank You for Your Word and thank You for the book Classic Christianity that has thrust me into Your Word in ways I have never been before! Thank You, too, for Jason Gray and his music, for using it to encourage me and allowing me to worship You with it! "Remind Me Who I Am!" Jesus, throughout this day and beyond! I love You and I praise You because You alone are worthy to be praised!!!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Matthew 11:28-30
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you will recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30 The Message.
Come to Me all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. All of you take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 HCSB.
Thoughts, quotes and paraphrasing from Charles H. Spurgeon's sermon on Matthew 11:28-30: (2 types of rest) First, invited to receive rest = ALL. The description of the person invited is both active and passive. "All ye that labor" refers to the activity of bearing the yoke and ready to labor after salvation. "Heavy-laden" refers to the passive condition where a burden is sustaines they are pressed down and sorely wearied by the load they bear. (All this refers to our performance, to endeavoring to save ourselves.) "In effect the Saviour tells them, 'This is not the way to rest, your self-imposed labors will end in disappointment; cease your wearisome exertions, and believe in me, for I will at once give you rest--the rest which my laborers have earned for believers.'" Rest is given, not earned; it is a gift of His grace. Next the precept, "Come." It is not "Learn" but "Come"; to come is to leave one thing and to advance to another. "Come, then ye laboring and heavy laden, leave your legal labors, leave your self-reliant efforts, leave your sins, leave your presumptions, leave all in which you hitherto have trusted, and come to Jesus; advance towards and rely upon the Saviour." "Repentance and faith make up this "Come"- the repentance which leaves that place where you now stand, the faith which comes into reliance upon Jesus." Come is present tense and means come now and He says come to Me, Jesus, period. "Observe it is nothing but that one word, "Come." It is not "Do;" it is not even "Learn." It is not, "Take up my yoke," that will follow after, but must never be forced out of its proper place. TO OBTAIN THIS REST, WHICH IS A MATTER OF GIFT - all that is asked of you is that you come to have it. Next it is a rest given freely by Jesus; we possess it at once and it is ours forever. It is a present rest. 'It is perfect and complete in itself. In the blood and righteousness of Jesus our peace is perfect.' 'I will give you rest' comes before, "Ye shall find rest." Second, is the rest of one who is already at rest, the one who has received a given rest and now discovers the found rest. It is the rest of a learner - "Learn of me, and ye shall find rest." This refers to the day to day learning at the Saviour's feet. You have rest from your burden; now you find a rest, in Christ, which exceeds what you asked or even thought. It is also a rest in service. The Christian will not find rest in being idle. "True rest to the mind of the child of God is rest on the wing, rest in emotion, rest in service, not rest with the yoke off, but with the yoke on." Do not merely submit to be the Lord's servant, but seek his service. Ask, 'What can I do' and be desirous to do it voluntarily. Bear Christ's burden, which is his cross - expect to be reproached, etc. Then rest through learning, it is implied that in order to learn of Christ we must lay aside all prejudices of the past, those things that proven our finding peace; any preconceived notions of what religion should be. Learn from his example to be "meek and lowly in heart," and then you will "find rest unto your souls." Meek - not proud, not defending self, not irritated, discouraged or inclined to do no more because of lack of appreciation; the meek spirit goes on working and is not offended. "The lowly heart says, 'Not my will but thine be done; let God be glorified in me." Jesus says, 'for I am meek and lowly in heart;' as if to show that as believers grow in grace, and enjoy more rest, they see more of Jesus and know more of him." Conclusion: If you find rest to your souls you will not be moved by the judgment of me. If you learn of Jesus you will have rest from the fear of men. Next you will be delivered from fretfulness at want of success. Learning of Jesus we too shall rest; we shall rejoice in whatever the Lord determines and we shall thank God for all he ordains. Think about this, "The Saviour says to us, 'I am bearing one end of the yoke on my shoulder; come, my disciple, place your neck under the other side of it, and then learn of me. Keep step with me, be as I am, do as I do. I am meek and lowly in heart; your heart must be like mine, and then we will work together in blessed fellowship, and you will find that working with me is a happy thing; for my yoke is easy to me, and will be to you. Come, then true yoke-fellow, come and be yoked with me, take my yoke upon you, and learn of me."
Wow, I know that is a lot (trust me, there was a whole lot more ;) but wow! As much as I want to go on, I will stop. You read the Word and allow Him to teach you what He wants. I will do the same.
Father God, thank You for Your Word and thank You for those that love You that have gone before us. May we come to You, recognizing that is all You require and that You even provide the ability and strength we need to come. Rest is so hard to grasp in our world, Lord. We think we know what it is when all along we do not. Please help us to realize that we can have Your rest and that it is counter to what we think of as rest. It is a gift given by You that is complete in and of itself, not something to strive for but to receive. God, our entire lives we are taught that we must do, that we need to perform, that we need to behave a certain way and it just isn't true. We work so hard to be a certain way when all along we need to work on receiving, learning to come, at surrendering and repenting. Help us to receive Your grace and learn to walk with You. God for me personally, I need to quit trying so hard to be pleasing and accept that I am pleasing to You because of Jesus. I need to get busy about what You have for me; help me to know what that is as I have spent my life being busy about so many of the wrong things. Forgive me God for being so hard-headed and stubborn and for being unwilling to trust You and that what You say is truth for me and that Your rest is given completely not in stages or in part. May I learn to walk with You and obey Your lead, not my own thoughts or opinions or those of others. May I step out of my self-imposed ideas of what it means to bear Your burden and even to rest and may I be willing to obey You. Give me ears to hear and eyes to see, Lord and the ability to experience the rest that comes from You alone.
Come to Me all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. All of you take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 HCSB.
Thoughts, quotes and paraphrasing from Charles H. Spurgeon's sermon on Matthew 11:28-30: (2 types of rest) First, invited to receive rest = ALL. The description of the person invited is both active and passive. "All ye that labor" refers to the activity of bearing the yoke and ready to labor after salvation. "Heavy-laden" refers to the passive condition where a burden is sustaines they are pressed down and sorely wearied by the load they bear. (All this refers to our performance, to endeavoring to save ourselves.) "In effect the Saviour tells them, 'This is not the way to rest, your self-imposed labors will end in disappointment; cease your wearisome exertions, and believe in me, for I will at once give you rest--the rest which my laborers have earned for believers.'" Rest is given, not earned; it is a gift of His grace. Next the precept, "Come." It is not "Learn" but "Come"; to come is to leave one thing and to advance to another. "Come, then ye laboring and heavy laden, leave your legal labors, leave your self-reliant efforts, leave your sins, leave your presumptions, leave all in which you hitherto have trusted, and come to Jesus; advance towards and rely upon the Saviour." "Repentance and faith make up this "Come"- the repentance which leaves that place where you now stand, the faith which comes into reliance upon Jesus." Come is present tense and means come now and He says come to Me, Jesus, period. "Observe it is nothing but that one word, "Come." It is not "Do;" it is not even "Learn." It is not, "Take up my yoke," that will follow after, but must never be forced out of its proper place. TO OBTAIN THIS REST, WHICH IS A MATTER OF GIFT - all that is asked of you is that you come to have it. Next it is a rest given freely by Jesus; we possess it at once and it is ours forever. It is a present rest. 'It is perfect and complete in itself. In the blood and righteousness of Jesus our peace is perfect.' 'I will give you rest' comes before, "Ye shall find rest." Second, is the rest of one who is already at rest, the one who has received a given rest and now discovers the found rest. It is the rest of a learner - "Learn of me, and ye shall find rest." This refers to the day to day learning at the Saviour's feet. You have rest from your burden; now you find a rest, in Christ, which exceeds what you asked or even thought. It is also a rest in service. The Christian will not find rest in being idle. "True rest to the mind of the child of God is rest on the wing, rest in emotion, rest in service, not rest with the yoke off, but with the yoke on." Do not merely submit to be the Lord's servant, but seek his service. Ask, 'What can I do' and be desirous to do it voluntarily. Bear Christ's burden, which is his cross - expect to be reproached, etc. Then rest through learning, it is implied that in order to learn of Christ we must lay aside all prejudices of the past, those things that proven our finding peace; any preconceived notions of what religion should be. Learn from his example to be "meek and lowly in heart," and then you will "find rest unto your souls." Meek - not proud, not defending self, not irritated, discouraged or inclined to do no more because of lack of appreciation; the meek spirit goes on working and is not offended. "The lowly heart says, 'Not my will but thine be done; let God be glorified in me." Jesus says, 'for I am meek and lowly in heart;' as if to show that as believers grow in grace, and enjoy more rest, they see more of Jesus and know more of him." Conclusion: If you find rest to your souls you will not be moved by the judgment of me. If you learn of Jesus you will have rest from the fear of men. Next you will be delivered from fretfulness at want of success. Learning of Jesus we too shall rest; we shall rejoice in whatever the Lord determines and we shall thank God for all he ordains. Think about this, "The Saviour says to us, 'I am bearing one end of the yoke on my shoulder; come, my disciple, place your neck under the other side of it, and then learn of me. Keep step with me, be as I am, do as I do. I am meek and lowly in heart; your heart must be like mine, and then we will work together in blessed fellowship, and you will find that working with me is a happy thing; for my yoke is easy to me, and will be to you. Come, then true yoke-fellow, come and be yoked with me, take my yoke upon you, and learn of me."
Wow, I know that is a lot (trust me, there was a whole lot more ;) but wow! As much as I want to go on, I will stop. You read the Word and allow Him to teach you what He wants. I will do the same.
Father God, thank You for Your Word and thank You for those that love You that have gone before us. May we come to You, recognizing that is all You require and that You even provide the ability and strength we need to come. Rest is so hard to grasp in our world, Lord. We think we know what it is when all along we do not. Please help us to realize that we can have Your rest and that it is counter to what we think of as rest. It is a gift given by You that is complete in and of itself, not something to strive for but to receive. God, our entire lives we are taught that we must do, that we need to perform, that we need to behave a certain way and it just isn't true. We work so hard to be a certain way when all along we need to work on receiving, learning to come, at surrendering and repenting. Help us to receive Your grace and learn to walk with You. God for me personally, I need to quit trying so hard to be pleasing and accept that I am pleasing to You because of Jesus. I need to get busy about what You have for me; help me to know what that is as I have spent my life being busy about so many of the wrong things. Forgive me God for being so hard-headed and stubborn and for being unwilling to trust You and that what You say is truth for me and that Your rest is given completely not in stages or in part. May I learn to walk with You and obey Your lead, not my own thoughts or opinions or those of others. May I step out of my self-imposed ideas of what it means to bear Your burden and even to rest and may I be willing to obey You. Give me ears to hear and eyes to see, Lord and the ability to experience the rest that comes from You alone.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Turmoil...Drama...Need...Surrender
You ever just wake up foul? I mean in a really bad mood and wearing your feelings on your sleeves and it seems the longer you fight it the madder you get? Just wondering because that is where I am this morning. I am just foul. I probably shouldn't even blog as my attitude is that bad. I have been trying to pray and reading the Word this morning but my attitude just keeps on building. Now, here is the thing I hope to accomplish with this transparent, irritating blog. I hope to walk with the Lord on the journey He has placed me on in His way and therefore I must share the good, the bad and the ugly. My life is often a roller coaster. I have more trouble with my emotions than I would even like to admit; however this seems to be my thorn, my opportunity to continue looking to the Lord, even when I just want to rail and scream at the injustice of my feelings! So if you don't want to be a part of this whine-fest I certainly understand, me either; but I am determined to go to the Lord and see what He will do. I am quite certain that I need to be smacked, my attitude is that bad, but I am sure that I need His grace, mercy and love as well and I am thankful that He doesn't response to me in the same way that I come to Him! So here we go...
Psalm 116
1) I love the LORD because He has heard my appeal for mercy.
2) Because He has turned His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live.
3) The ropes of death were wrapped around me, and the torments of Sheol overcame me; I
encountered trouble and sorrow.
4) Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'LORD, save me!'
5) The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is compassionate.
6) The LORD guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me.
7) Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
8) For You, LORD, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
9) I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
10) I believed when I said, 'I am severely afflicted.'
11) In my alarm I said, 'Everyone is a liar.'
12) How can I repeat the LORD all the good He has done for me?
13) I will take the cup of salvation and worship the LORD.
14) I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all His people.
15) The death of His faithful ones is valuable in the LORD's sight.
16) LORD, I am indeed Your servant; I am Your servant, the son of Your female servant. You
have loosened my bonds.
17) I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and will worship the LORD.
18) I will fulfill my vows to the LORD, in the very presence of all HIs people,
19) in the courts of the LORD's house--within you, Jerusalem. Hallelujah!
I began this Psalm thinking I would look at parts of it when the Lord had me continue to type it all out. I am not okay this morning. I am tearful, I am angry and I am frustrated because I am tearful and angry. The fact is the anger is directed at myself but it is wanting to lash out at whoever comes in my path. This is wrong and I know it, again, I am attempting to work through it. I am weary, I am tired and I need that rest that God provides. Psalm 43:5 covers it well, "WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED? WHY THIS TURMOIL WITHIN ME?" The rest of verse 5 tells me to 'put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.'
It all goes back to choices doesn't it? This makes me mad too! I am tired of trying to make the right choices and then being overwhelmed with this enormous weight of emotion from out of nowhere! The enemy knows that in this area is one of my greatest weaknesses and he is continually playing upon that fact. 1 Peter 5:6-11 gives me great hope. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." Okay so time to stop complaining, make a choice and apply what God says.
Father God, I come to You this morning, foul. That is the only way I know how to describe it. I am irritable and I want to be. Such a bad attitude and yet I don't want it at the same time; how do You deal with that. I am aggravated that I am aggravated and yet what sense does that make??? I want to know Why? I want to not be like this anymore! I am so tired of this up and down roller coaster of emotions and the lack of control that I seem to have. I am full of turmoil this morning and for what reason??? Help me to stop griping and turn to You. Help me to truly desire change despite how I feel this morning. I do not want to journey my way; I know Your way is better, but the fight this morning is big. Help me to surrender to You. Help me to submit the hurts - real and imagined. Help me to confess my part in the hurts, the lack of gratefulness and the discontent. God, help me to stop fighting, to stop resisting You and instead resist the enemy. I pray that in the Name of Jesus, You would bind him from being able to continue to whisper the lies in my mind. May I reject them and him. Forgive me for this anger, for this fight that is seemingly in control of me this morning. It angers me that my emotions are so big and that I have such trouble taking my thoughts captive. Help me to accept Your acceptance, Your love, Your mercy, Your grace and Your peace this morning, Lord. Forgive me for so often getting in Your way. Use me in spite of me; change me in spite of me. I do love You, Lord and I am thankful that You hear my appeal for mercy! Thank You for allowing me to call out to You in whatever shape I am in. I am in torment and I do not understand it but I declare that I trust You and that You will not leave me here in it. I will continue to call upon Your name and I know that You will save me! I am thankful that You have delivered my soul, that I have eternal life and even though this life is hard I have that promise to hold on to and wait for. I know You are gracious, righteous and compassionate; You would have to be to continually put up with me! I need help returning to Your rest; I need to be rescued from myself, from these bad habits and automatic responses that I have lived with for so long. I need You to give me Your eyes. I need to see myself as You do and also to quit focusing on myself! I so want to look to You and You alone. This battle is intense and I know that I am to be still, stop fighting and cease striving but all I know is that up until lately to fight for survival is what I have known. Help me to fight the right things, like the enemy, my mind and these tendencies rather than those around me or insist upon beating myself to a pulp. You, LORD, are so good to me! I know You have rescued me from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from stumbling and You will do so again. May I release it all to You. May I stop trying to figure 'it' out and trust; and rest. May I chose to worship You. May I chose to offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and let go of the 'feeling' that my offering is not worthy. I know I am not worthy in my own strength, but because of You, Jesus, my worth is determined forever. I can no longer be considered worthless, stupid, high-maintenance, ridiculous, too wordy, too detailed, slow, different, inept, or anything else negative that tries to rise up in my mind. I am accepted in the Beloved, in Jesus, Ephesians 1:6. I have been made righteous because, You, God have clothed me in Jesus' righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). I will praise You and thank You because You are love. You love me because of who You are not because of who I am. Help me to humble myself before You, truly, and cast all this care upon You. Help me to be sober and alert and able to resist the enemy by standing firm in my faith, by knowing the Truth of Your Word and allowing Your Truth to set me free (John 8:32). I thank You that You, Lord, will restore me, revive me and make me steadfast, firm and strong. Help me to get out of Your way so that You can have Your way in me, Lord. Please God, loose the chains that hold me captive, may I look to You and You alone for my hope.
Psalm 116
1) I love the LORD because He has heard my appeal for mercy.
2) Because He has turned His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live.
3) The ropes of death were wrapped around me, and the torments of Sheol overcame me; I
encountered trouble and sorrow.
4) Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'LORD, save me!'
5) The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is compassionate.
6) The LORD guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me.
7) Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
8) For You, LORD, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
9) I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
10) I believed when I said, 'I am severely afflicted.'
11) In my alarm I said, 'Everyone is a liar.'
12) How can I repeat the LORD all the good He has done for me?
13) I will take the cup of salvation and worship the LORD.
14) I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all His people.
15) The death of His faithful ones is valuable in the LORD's sight.
16) LORD, I am indeed Your servant; I am Your servant, the son of Your female servant. You
have loosened my bonds.
17) I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and will worship the LORD.
18) I will fulfill my vows to the LORD, in the very presence of all HIs people,
19) in the courts of the LORD's house--within you, Jerusalem. Hallelujah!
I began this Psalm thinking I would look at parts of it when the Lord had me continue to type it all out. I am not okay this morning. I am tearful, I am angry and I am frustrated because I am tearful and angry. The fact is the anger is directed at myself but it is wanting to lash out at whoever comes in my path. This is wrong and I know it, again, I am attempting to work through it. I am weary, I am tired and I need that rest that God provides. Psalm 43:5 covers it well, "WHY AM I SO DEPRESSED? WHY THIS TURMOIL WITHIN ME?" The rest of verse 5 tells me to 'put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.'
It all goes back to choices doesn't it? This makes me mad too! I am tired of trying to make the right choices and then being overwhelmed with this enormous weight of emotion from out of nowhere! The enemy knows that in this area is one of my greatest weaknesses and he is continually playing upon that fact. 1 Peter 5:6-11 gives me great hope. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." Okay so time to stop complaining, make a choice and apply what God says.
Father God, I come to You this morning, foul. That is the only way I know how to describe it. I am irritable and I want to be. Such a bad attitude and yet I don't want it at the same time; how do You deal with that. I am aggravated that I am aggravated and yet what sense does that make??? I want to know Why? I want to not be like this anymore! I am so tired of this up and down roller coaster of emotions and the lack of control that I seem to have. I am full of turmoil this morning and for what reason??? Help me to stop griping and turn to You. Help me to truly desire change despite how I feel this morning. I do not want to journey my way; I know Your way is better, but the fight this morning is big. Help me to surrender to You. Help me to submit the hurts - real and imagined. Help me to confess my part in the hurts, the lack of gratefulness and the discontent. God, help me to stop fighting, to stop resisting You and instead resist the enemy. I pray that in the Name of Jesus, You would bind him from being able to continue to whisper the lies in my mind. May I reject them and him. Forgive me for this anger, for this fight that is seemingly in control of me this morning. It angers me that my emotions are so big and that I have such trouble taking my thoughts captive. Help me to accept Your acceptance, Your love, Your mercy, Your grace and Your peace this morning, Lord. Forgive me for so often getting in Your way. Use me in spite of me; change me in spite of me. I do love You, Lord and I am thankful that You hear my appeal for mercy! Thank You for allowing me to call out to You in whatever shape I am in. I am in torment and I do not understand it but I declare that I trust You and that You will not leave me here in it. I will continue to call upon Your name and I know that You will save me! I am thankful that You have delivered my soul, that I have eternal life and even though this life is hard I have that promise to hold on to and wait for. I know You are gracious, righteous and compassionate; You would have to be to continually put up with me! I need help returning to Your rest; I need to be rescued from myself, from these bad habits and automatic responses that I have lived with for so long. I need You to give me Your eyes. I need to see myself as You do and also to quit focusing on myself! I so want to look to You and You alone. This battle is intense and I know that I am to be still, stop fighting and cease striving but all I know is that up until lately to fight for survival is what I have known. Help me to fight the right things, like the enemy, my mind and these tendencies rather than those around me or insist upon beating myself to a pulp. You, LORD, are so good to me! I know You have rescued me from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from stumbling and You will do so again. May I release it all to You. May I stop trying to figure 'it' out and trust; and rest. May I chose to worship You. May I chose to offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and let go of the 'feeling' that my offering is not worthy. I know I am not worthy in my own strength, but because of You, Jesus, my worth is determined forever. I can no longer be considered worthless, stupid, high-maintenance, ridiculous, too wordy, too detailed, slow, different, inept, or anything else negative that tries to rise up in my mind. I am accepted in the Beloved, in Jesus, Ephesians 1:6. I have been made righteous because, You, God have clothed me in Jesus' righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). I will praise You and thank You because You are love. You love me because of who You are not because of who I am. Help me to humble myself before You, truly, and cast all this care upon You. Help me to be sober and alert and able to resist the enemy by standing firm in my faith, by knowing the Truth of Your Word and allowing Your Truth to set me free (John 8:32). I thank You that You, Lord, will restore me, revive me and make me steadfast, firm and strong. Help me to get out of Your way so that You can have Your way in me, Lord. Please God, loose the chains that hold me captive, may I look to You and You alone for my hope.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Forgetting and Pursuing?
Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus.
The Lord has been reminding me of these verses in the past few days. As a young person around 17 He first revealed Himself to me in these verses. I held on to them for several years and then I think I just sort of moved on without really grasping that I needed to know what goal I was pursuing...I had focused on the 'forgetting part and the fact that heaven was my goal. Wrongly, I might add. I have missed out on living the abundant life Christ has for me here because of wrong focus! Thankfully, I am more mature in many ways than I was at 17; however I find that in my supposed diligence to 'be godly' and 'be the 'best wife and mom' etc that I could be I had misplaced the goal that God has called me to. The goal is found in verses 10 and 11 of chapter 13, 'I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow attaining to the resurrection from the dead.'
Hold on as I get excited ;D
I am just now clearly seeing that I have spent years pursuing the wrong goals, though my heart's desire was right and was to be like Christ, I have been more focused on me! I mean I have occasionally tried to pursue Christ, to know Him and the power of His resurrection, but more often than not I was concerned with what He could do for me to make me a better wife, mom, friend and on and on. Praise God, He finally has my full attention! Oh, I have a long way to go but finally I see that is what it means to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! Psalm 46:10. To know Him, period. To be concerned with nothing but knowing Him. (Now just because I say I see it does not mean I have the application down pat ;) I just know that I am to seek Him and He takes care of the rest! He always has, (I would state it with passion; however I did not live it with conviction!) I have just made myself a 'basket case' trying to help Him! Absurd!!! Misplaced!!! Ridiculous!!!
But Praise His Holy Name He is faithful, He is forgiving and He is pouring out His mercy and grace upon me!!! He is at work and He has my attention in ways that He never has before!
Look at these verses with me... Do I really want to know Christ? Can I state, like Paul, that yes, I want to know the power of His resurrection? Wait, there is more -- and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death. What??? Here it is, if I want to know Christ, truly know Him in the power of His resurrection I must die to my sin in order to be alive in Christ, to be made new! Bear with me here, I know without a shadow of doubt that I have been saved for many years; however the abundant life is what I have been missing in my pursuit of making every effort to be like Christ rather than surrendering and recognizing that He has hold of me and He will make me more like Him, not anything I can do or not do!!! It is His work and His power, His suffering, His death and His resurrection that is allowing me to forget what is behind and pursue Him! IS ANYBODY GETTING THIS WITH ME??? Praise God, His Truth is setting me free!!! (John 8:32)
I sit here and wonder at Paul, I mean he was instrumental in martyring Stephen, he pursued religion diligently but until he came face to face with Christ everything he did was in his own strength and misguided! How did he forget? How did he put all of these 'deeds' behind him? Another one of my main issues has been to beat myself up, to insist that because I 'knew' better that I 'should' have been different! Instead of receiving the gift of forgiveness, mercy and grace, I have continually tried reminding God of my faults, my failings and tried to be better! Now, if you have read any of my previous blogs you know that 'I know better' ;) I mean, I knew the Word, I knew it so far as I was happy to give you grace and you forgiveness, and mercy etc, but for myself, not so much! I was and I am well aware that I can never measure up, that all my righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6); however I have spent more time believing the lies of the enemy, being in bondage by my attempts to be godly that I have spent taking God at His Word, truly trusting Him! He is so trustworthy!!! In His mercy He has shown me this over and over and yet I threw it in His face so to speak by trying to 'do' this life on my own!!!
Forgive me God! I am so sorry for the misplaced dedication, diligence and desire! Thank You for opening my eyes for allowing me to finally see that I really can pursue You and You will take care of the rest. I often said it, but only believed it in my head and not in my heart! I tried and did make this life so hard when You had shown me multiple times through the years that truly all I need is You! Please help me to keep my eyes on You, to chase after You as my goal in this race called life. Help me, like Paul, to forget the things of my past, You have and change the way I live moment by moment by knowing You in the power of Your resurrection! May I trust You more each day and when I fall remind me. Help me not to fall back into old habits of beating myself up or setting up unrealistic expectations for myself. Help me to trust You, truly trust You as You alone are completely and utterly trustworthy! Thank You, Father, for refusing to leave me in the state of 'striving' for continually teaching me how to 'stop fighting' and 'be still and know that You are God.' I know I have so far to go, but thank You for this joy, this peace, this hope that I have never experienced before; not like this! Transform me in the day to day choices that I make. Guide me and show me how to rest in trusting You but strive for You at the same time, to recognize You are holding me and You will never ever let go! Forgive me, Jesus, for kicking so hard against You and at the same time begging You to help me! Help me to surrender in the day by day when You tell me to get up and go, may I listen and obey to You and You alone, not my own opinions, ideas or plans, but to You! Please God get our attention! May we stop giving in to the lies of the enemy, of thinking that the things of this world and even pleasing the people that we love is more important than pursuing You! May we spend our energy focusing on You and trusting You to take care of the rest! You will, I know it! I have experienced it over and over!
Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus.
The Lord has been reminding me of these verses in the past few days. As a young person around 17 He first revealed Himself to me in these verses. I held on to them for several years and then I think I just sort of moved on without really grasping that I needed to know what goal I was pursuing...I had focused on the 'forgetting part and the fact that heaven was my goal. Wrongly, I might add. I have missed out on living the abundant life Christ has for me here because of wrong focus! Thankfully, I am more mature in many ways than I was at 17; however I find that in my supposed diligence to 'be godly' and 'be the 'best wife and mom' etc that I could be I had misplaced the goal that God has called me to. The goal is found in verses 10 and 11 of chapter 13, 'I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow attaining to the resurrection from the dead.'
Hold on as I get excited ;D
I am just now clearly seeing that I have spent years pursuing the wrong goals, though my heart's desire was right and was to be like Christ, I have been more focused on me! I mean I have occasionally tried to pursue Christ, to know Him and the power of His resurrection, but more often than not I was concerned with what He could do for me to make me a better wife, mom, friend and on and on. Praise God, He finally has my full attention! Oh, I have a long way to go but finally I see that is what it means to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! Psalm 46:10. To know Him, period. To be concerned with nothing but knowing Him. (Now just because I say I see it does not mean I have the application down pat ;) I just know that I am to seek Him and He takes care of the rest! He always has, (I would state it with passion; however I did not live it with conviction!) I have just made myself a 'basket case' trying to help Him! Absurd!!! Misplaced!!! Ridiculous!!!
But Praise His Holy Name He is faithful, He is forgiving and He is pouring out His mercy and grace upon me!!! He is at work and He has my attention in ways that He never has before!
Look at these verses with me... Do I really want to know Christ? Can I state, like Paul, that yes, I want to know the power of His resurrection? Wait, there is more -- and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death. What??? Here it is, if I want to know Christ, truly know Him in the power of His resurrection I must die to my sin in order to be alive in Christ, to be made new! Bear with me here, I know without a shadow of doubt that I have been saved for many years; however the abundant life is what I have been missing in my pursuit of making every effort to be like Christ rather than surrendering and recognizing that He has hold of me and He will make me more like Him, not anything I can do or not do!!! It is His work and His power, His suffering, His death and His resurrection that is allowing me to forget what is behind and pursue Him! IS ANYBODY GETTING THIS WITH ME??? Praise God, His Truth is setting me free!!! (John 8:32)
I sit here and wonder at Paul, I mean he was instrumental in martyring Stephen, he pursued religion diligently but until he came face to face with Christ everything he did was in his own strength and misguided! How did he forget? How did he put all of these 'deeds' behind him? Another one of my main issues has been to beat myself up, to insist that because I 'knew' better that I 'should' have been different! Instead of receiving the gift of forgiveness, mercy and grace, I have continually tried reminding God of my faults, my failings and tried to be better! Now, if you have read any of my previous blogs you know that 'I know better' ;) I mean, I knew the Word, I knew it so far as I was happy to give you grace and you forgiveness, and mercy etc, but for myself, not so much! I was and I am well aware that I can never measure up, that all my righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6); however I have spent more time believing the lies of the enemy, being in bondage by my attempts to be godly that I have spent taking God at His Word, truly trusting Him! He is so trustworthy!!! In His mercy He has shown me this over and over and yet I threw it in His face so to speak by trying to 'do' this life on my own!!!
Forgive me God! I am so sorry for the misplaced dedication, diligence and desire! Thank You for opening my eyes for allowing me to finally see that I really can pursue You and You will take care of the rest. I often said it, but only believed it in my head and not in my heart! I tried and did make this life so hard when You had shown me multiple times through the years that truly all I need is You! Please help me to keep my eyes on You, to chase after You as my goal in this race called life. Help me, like Paul, to forget the things of my past, You have and change the way I live moment by moment by knowing You in the power of Your resurrection! May I trust You more each day and when I fall remind me. Help me not to fall back into old habits of beating myself up or setting up unrealistic expectations for myself. Help me to trust You, truly trust You as You alone are completely and utterly trustworthy! Thank You, Father, for refusing to leave me in the state of 'striving' for continually teaching me how to 'stop fighting' and 'be still and know that You are God.' I know I have so far to go, but thank You for this joy, this peace, this hope that I have never experienced before; not like this! Transform me in the day to day choices that I make. Guide me and show me how to rest in trusting You but strive for You at the same time, to recognize You are holding me and You will never ever let go! Forgive me, Jesus, for kicking so hard against You and at the same time begging You to help me! Help me to surrender in the day by day when You tell me to get up and go, may I listen and obey to You and You alone, not my own opinions, ideas or plans, but to You! Please God get our attention! May we stop giving in to the lies of the enemy, of thinking that the things of this world and even pleasing the people that we love is more important than pursuing You! May we spend our energy focusing on You and trusting You to take care of the rest! You will, I know it! I have experienced it over and over!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Ongoing Journey
"You will never have a changed life until you have experienced the exchanged life. God did not call us to change our lives, but to experience the exchanged life. We give Christ all that we are -- spiritually dead, guilty sinners -- and Christ gives us all that He is -- resurrected life, forgiveness, righteousness, acceptance. Our inheritance is the result of exchanging our identity." Bob George, from Classic Christianity
So blogging is difficult from a mobile device, especially from someone as wordy as me ;) That means this entry will be remarkably short because I just couldn't not share!!!
This book, Classic Christianity, has taken me on a journey into the Word like never before. Finally, God has brought me to a place where I am willing to listen & truly obey! I am so grateful! This journey has been long & hard & full of more hurt than I could have imagined but because of it I know Christ and the power of His resurrection as I never would have before! I have much learning & transformation yet to go but I praise God that He is opening the eyes of my understanding & for the opportunity to share with you!
I am sure this year will be full of many more opportunities for me to learn to trust Him more fully, to truly know what it means to be still, cease striving & stop fighting! I must allow HIS TRUTH, HIS WORD to replace the lies that I have believed & lived for so long. Isaiah 26:3 says, You (God) will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You! And John 8:32 says, Then you will know he Truth, and the a truth will set you free!
I am living proof of this! God in His infinite grace & mercy truly is setting me free with His Truth & helping me to learn to have a mind that is steadfastly focused on Him & thus I am trusting Him more than ever before & as a result experiencing His peace & joy like never before! As you join me on this Journey His Way I do covet your prayers as I continue to learn to submit, trust, rest & know that He is fully in control & that I am not only lived by Him but I am accepted by Him! He wants the same for you! Please join me & see what an Amazing God we serve!
Father God, once again I am blown away, overwhelmed with gratitude for Who You Are & Your love of me! Thank You that You are showing me more & more often just how much I mean to You & that I am truly beginning to grasp what it means to be accepted in the Beloved, in Jesus! That I really can learn to rest, to be still, to cease striving & stop fighting! Forgive me for my hardheadedness and my unwillingness to accept all the You have to offer me! Thank You again for never giving up on me & for being so loving & kind! May I look to You! May I bring You glory! Teach me Lord to continually renew my mind & not fall back into out habits or old bondages! Thank You for Your faithfulness, Your forgiveness, Your mercy, Your love & Your grace!!!
So blogging is difficult from a mobile device, especially from someone as wordy as me ;) That means this entry will be remarkably short because I just couldn't not share!!!
This book, Classic Christianity, has taken me on a journey into the Word like never before. Finally, God has brought me to a place where I am willing to listen & truly obey! I am so grateful! This journey has been long & hard & full of more hurt than I could have imagined but because of it I know Christ and the power of His resurrection as I never would have before! I have much learning & transformation yet to go but I praise God that He is opening the eyes of my understanding & for the opportunity to share with you!
I am sure this year will be full of many more opportunities for me to learn to trust Him more fully, to truly know what it means to be still, cease striving & stop fighting! I must allow HIS TRUTH, HIS WORD to replace the lies that I have believed & lived for so long. Isaiah 26:3 says, You (God) will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You! And John 8:32 says, Then you will know he Truth, and the a truth will set you free!
I am living proof of this! God in His infinite grace & mercy truly is setting me free with His Truth & helping me to learn to have a mind that is steadfastly focused on Him & thus I am trusting Him more than ever before & as a result experiencing His peace & joy like never before! As you join me on this Journey His Way I do covet your prayers as I continue to learn to submit, trust, rest & know that He is fully in control & that I am not only lived by Him but I am accepted by Him! He wants the same for you! Please join me & see what an Amazing God we serve!
Father God, once again I am blown away, overwhelmed with gratitude for Who You Are & Your love of me! Thank You that You are showing me more & more often just how much I mean to You & that I am truly beginning to grasp what it means to be accepted in the Beloved, in Jesus! That I really can learn to rest, to be still, to cease striving & stop fighting! Forgive me for my hardheadedness and my unwillingness to accept all the You have to offer me! Thank You again for never giving up on me & for being so loving & kind! May I look to You! May I bring You glory! Teach me Lord to continually renew my mind & not fall back into out habits or old bondages! Thank You for Your faithfulness, Your forgiveness, Your mercy, Your love & Your grace!!!
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