Hebrews 10:19-25
Therefore, brothers, since we have boldness to enter the sanctuary through the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way He has opened for us through the curtain (that is, His flesh), and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
On this Journey His Way, God in His graciousness is showing me several things. I find that I want to shout to the world what He is showing me because for one, I am being set free, but also because I have talked with so many who also struggle in ways very similar to me, while the circumstances may be very different the lies that we have believed and lived are the same.
Thus, the lie of thinking that 'all I need to heal is just God and me.' (Healing Is A Choice, Stephen Arterburn.) Now, I have believed this lie and practiced it for many years and God, Himself has revealed to me just how untrue it is and how much farther from the healing He has from me I have journeyed by believing it. First, know that I am not suggesting, nor is Mr. Arterburn, that God is not sufficient to meet our needs (2 Cor. 12:9), that God is not more than able (2 Cor. 9:8) to provide for us, what I am saying, shouting even, is that God has given us a 'family,' a body of believers to bear our burdens with us (Gal. 6:2). He specifically tells us in James 5:16a, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." 1 Thessalonians 5:21 tells us to encourage one another and build each other up.
The point here is that many of us ISOLATE ourselves, we withdrawal from others and pretend that all is fine, that we can handle life ourselves, just God and I, when that is not His plan for us. He has given us each other and He expects us to care for one another beyond just the surface, beyond the facade. We spend so much time hiding and stuffing the hurts, the disappointments, etc. that we not only disconnect ourselves from others but we delay the healing that God has for us. God is using this book, Healing Is A Choice, to confirm what He has been doing in me. He wants me to share with you that, there is hope for healing regardless of what your hurt is. Physical healing is not the only type of healing that we need! Ultimately our spiritual state is way more important that our physical one. God brings healing to our spirits that is eternal but we do not have to wait for heaven to experience His abundant life. John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." To isolate and say that God and I can handle 'this' is a form of denial and it will not work! It is a trick of the enemy and I can tell you from personal experience, IT DOES NOT WORK!
Please hear this! I am not suggesting that you need to shout your issues from the mountain top or tell everyone the details, what I am saying is that to act like there is not a problem, to continue on in the lie that if you ignore 'it' that it will go away or to suggest that you and God will handle it alone, that you can pray it away, is not true! We all need help. We all need each other and one of the biggest tactics of the enemy is to keep us so busy or so in denial that we have an issue that we withdraw from other believers as Hebrews 10:25 tells us we are likely to do. We need the connection that God provides for us with other believers, note that He provided it! He is meeting our needs; however He insists that we humble ourselves and be willing to admit our neediness first of Him and then to others.
I have spent years reading the Word, praying, sharing and trying to be more and do more that would make me more 'godly' or get over the issues that I face, but more than that I find I have isolated myself and only shared so much, not the roots; therefore I have not found healing but rather more bondage and more hurt! Trust me you do not want to go that route! God in His graciousness has never left me, nor has He allowed me to get away with the withdrawal instead He allowed me to become so miserable that I do not care who knows that I am hurting and that He has me on this Journey His Way!
Oh, people, His Journey is the best!!! Do I hurt? You'd better believe it! Do I have joy every moment? Nope! But when I look to the Lord and obey His lead, He restores joy and He even goes beyond that to give me peace and hope! Do I wish I didn't have to experience some of the ongoing things that appear to be 'that thorn in my flesh' that Paul talks about (2 Cor. 12:7)? Uh, yep! But this I do know that because of these 'issues' God has and is revealing Himself to me in ways I would never have known and I can tell you unequivocally that I would not trade this Journey He has me on for any other because I have found Him to be who He says He is! I have much to learn and much healing to go, but praise God, He is healing me! He is opening my eyes like never before and He will do the same for you! Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get to the place that what He wants is what you want? Like me, just ask Him to give you the willingness!
He will and when in my stubbornness I get in the way once again, He in His faithfulness draws me to repentance and allows me to once again experience Him! He is all that matters!!! Join me in this Journey His Way! Stop making excuses, like I have for years, and submit to His ways! Stop wondering why He will do certain things for others but He doesn't seem to help you! It is because truly you and I have still wanted control in some form or fashion! Give Him ALL OF IT and TRUST HIM! It is so worth it!!!
Let me remind you that the pain doesn't necessarily go away, that you may even have to do some things you would never have believed you would be required to do or stop some of the habits and believing the lies that you have believed for years but the joy, the peace, and the hope that He brings is beyond all that you could even think or imagine (Eph 3:20). Again, it is so worth it because I was in pain already but now the pain is purposeful and God is using it to bring about hope and transformation in me! Remember, He does the work, our job is to submit, to be still, to wait on Him, trust and believe that what He says is true and that He is completely able to meet our every need according to His will and His way and most often He uses others to do it and then in turn uses us to help them! He is so amazing isn't He!!!
Father God, please take these words, this passion that I feel to catch the attention of those who like me have spent years either denying the hurt, or acting as if we are over it or trying to be more acceptable or pleasing to You and to those around us. When the truth is because of Jesus we are completely accepted, from the time we acknowledged Him as our Lord and Savior, repented from our sins and recognized that He died for us and rose again to give us life, now throughout eternity! May we be willing to get help if needed, regardless of what others think, whether it be professional help with godly counsel or the prayers of a trusted friend or whatever You are leading us to do. Help us to submit to Your lead, nothing is more freeing that giving You total control. Please God, I know many who are hurting may they choose to face their hurts head on with You in the lead and truly be willing to do whatever it takes. The freedom from bondage is so worth it! Now that I have had a taste of what You can do, I want more and more of You! Please God help me to keep my eyes on You regardless of what comes my way! Thank You, Father for Your faithfulness to meet us where we are and to never ever give up on us or leave us!
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
Psalm 27
Finally, the busyness of the Christmas season is over. It seems to run almost out of control by the time it is all over and all the commitments to 'socialize' and 'gather' are completed. Wears me out! I am not opposed to people, I just find that I truly am an introvert so that being with people so constantly wears me out! I wear myself out enough without adding all the other things to the mix! I have missed my quiet times with the Lord, the extended times that for me are life giving and necessary for my well being. To meet with Him sporadically and on the run just isn't enough for me. I need focused attention both from Him and on Him. I am more needy than most perhaps, but I am grateful that He meets me where I am. The further I get away from the sit still and ponder time that He calls me to, whether due to busyness, or my own unwillingness to surrender my time, my sleep or whatever else the more anxious and nervous, sensitive and self-centered I find myself. Praise God that He doesn't leave me in that miserable state. He gives me the option to turn to Him, to seek Him, to set my mind on Him and repent of my sin. He allows me to approach His throne of grace with boldness, so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me at the proper time, Hebrews 4:16.
Look at Psalm 27, A Psalm written by David, with me:
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom should I be afraid?
2 When evildoers came against me to devour my flesh, my foes and my enemies stumbled and fell.
3 Though an army deploys against me, my heart is not afraid; though a war breaks out against me, still I am confident.
4 I have asked one thing from the Lord; it is what I desire; to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; gazing on the beauty of the Lord and seeking Him in His temple.
5 For He will conceal me in His shelter in the day of adversity; He will hide me under the cover of His tent; He will set me high on a rock.
6 Then my head will be high above my enemies around me; I will offer sacrifices in His tent with shouts of joy. I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Lord, hear my voice when I call; be gracious to me and answer me.
8 My heart says this about You, 'You are to seek My face.' Lord, I will seek Your face.
9 Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger. You have been my helper; do not leave me or abandon me, God of my salvation.
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord cares for me.
11 Because of my adversaries, show me Your way, Lord, and lead me on a level path.
12 Do not give me over to the will of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing violence.
13 I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.
Once again, I am not a Biblical scholar so bear with me as I share what the Lord shares with me. Any correction is welcome, well, I guess it welcome as long as it is kind ;-) I can only share out of where I am and what God shows me. I need Him and I desire to bring Him glory and point to Him.
In reading a bit of commentary on this Psalm it was pointed out that light is often thought of as comforting. I am actually sitting right now it the brightness of the sunshine as it pours into the windows and the view beyond is spectacular with the sun covering everything. So I guess I would have to agree that to be in the light does bring comfort. It also brings with it warmth, a feeling of contentment, a sense of restfulness or relief. Have you ever been in a really dark place, so dark that you could not even see your own hand in front of your face? You know as well as I do that darkness can be on the outside and yet it can also be from within. I have found myself in both kinds of darkness and the immense comfort and relief that washed over me the moment there was some light was profound, the light of a flashlight or candle when the darkness was physical, but even more so the Light of the Truth of God's Word and His Son, Jesus, that experience of light is one like no other. Thinking about the Lord being my Light and my salvation along with the symbolism of the sunshine is a welcome thought and a good reminder that I need not fear. I am not alone regardless of how things look around me or even feel, He is my light, my stronghold and my salvation.
2 Samuel 22:29, You, LORD, are my lamp; the LORD turns my darkness into light.
Job 12:22, He, God, reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into the light.
Job 33:28, God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.
Psalm 19:6, The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
Isaiah 60:19, The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.
John 1:4, In Him (Jesus) was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.
John 8:12, When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'
John 12:46, I (Jesus) have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in Me should stay in darkness.
Ephesians 5:8, For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.
Back to Psalm 27. I have a choice. I can recognize that the Lord is my light, my salvation and my stronghold and therefore not live in fear or I can focus on the 'enemies' that come against me in my daily life and sit in the darkness, afraid, this is a moment by moment decision, a recognition that God is Who He says He is and He is always my light and my salvation. With David, do I have the one desire to 'dwell' in the presence of the Lord, to recognize His constant presence in my life and be confident in the fact that He can be found when sought, that He will conceal me, hide me from those who seek to harm me and that He will set me upon His Rock, in shelter under His tent? I so want to be with David on this. I so want to desire the Lord above all else, above any one else and anything else. I mean, I am miserable when I give in to the fear and the darkness! Why would I want to chose to live there? Simply because I have lived there before or because I think that is all I am worthy of? Wrong! Because of Jesus, His righteousness, His work on the cross and His resurrection I do not live in darkness! I may revisit it or allow it to overwhelm me but this is not something that I have to do, I can live in His Light because He is my salvation! I can praise Him! I can shout with joy, sing in song (rather badly, I might add, but that isn't the point ;) all because He is gracious, He is willing to hear my voice when I call regardless of whoever else dismisses me or disregards me, He will not because He is unable to be anything less than what He is! He promises to show me His way (vs 11) and not only His way but to lead me on a level path! I can trust Him and with David, I can be certain that I will see His goodness. He is my light and my salvation and I can have courage and wait for Him without fear because of Who He is! I am no longer in darkness and when the darkness tries to overwhelm me from one circumstance or another I can trust Him and wait for His provision.
Father God, You are so good! Thank You for Your provision and Your mercy and grace. You alone meet my needs and You always go above and beyond what I could think or imagine! God I am blessed beyond measure! Thank You that You will work and that waiting on You is always worth the wait. Thank You that I am no longer in the darkness but I am in the Light of Your Life and I am Your light and I live as Your light! I praise You, God! I have seen Your goodness and I am certain that I will see it again!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Slow learner :-)
Romans 8:6 (NIV) The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. (NLT) If the Holy Spirit controls your mind there is life and peace. (HCSB) For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will.
1 Peter 4:7-11 (HCSB) Now the end of all things is near; therefore, be clear-headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serve, his service should be front eh strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
Mark 12:30 (NIV) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
Luke 21:14 (HCSB) Therefore make up your minds not to prepare your defense ahead of time. (NIV) But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.
Romans 8:27 (NIV) And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Proverbs 23:7 (HCSB) for as he thinks within himself, so he is.
Lamentations 3:21-26 (HCSB) Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the LORD's faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! I say: The LORD is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him. The LORD is good to those who wait for Him. to the person who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the LORD.
Psalm 37:7a (HCSB) Be silent before the LORD and wait expectantly for Him.
Psalm 37:3-6 (HCSB) Trust in the LORD and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him, and He will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday.
Psalm 27:14 (NIV) Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
So Father God, this battle is in my mind. I am weak but You are strong, 1 Corinthians 4:10. Your grace is sufficient for me, 2 Corinthians 12:9. 'In repentance and rest is my salvation, in quietness and trust is my strength', Isaiah 30:15. Forgive me for thinking such negative thoughts about myself, for being so concerned with myself and my emotions, for allowing them to be in control rather than You. Forgive me for constantly trying to figure this life out, myself out and therefore trying to be in control. Forgive me for not being deliberate in calling Your Word to mind, focusing on the fact that You are Faithful, You are Sovereign, for forgetting that You will bring deliverance in Your time and in Your way. Forgive me for forgetting that my job is to rest in You, to wait expectantly with hope for You, to commit my ways to You, to be strong and take heart because You are at work. You love me and You accept me even when I do not love or accept myself. Please change my view of myself, help me to have a humble heart and not a heart that is full of pride and self-focus. Help me to have a view of myself that comes from the Truth of Your Word, one that isn't puffed up or one that beats myself down. May I rely on You. May I renew my mind in Your Word, may I love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. May I stop worrying what others think of me, especially those who are 'supposed' to love me and yet do and say very hurtful things. Help me to forgive and not dwell on the words that I have heard but trade them for the truth of Your Word. Help me to resist the enemy so that he will flees and stop giving in to my own flesh, please Father God. I want my mind to be governed by You and not by myself and my own flesh. Thank You for interceding for me, for loving me and for taking care of me. Help me to truly trust You and not just say the words. Help me to learn and do my part as You lead not as I think I should. I need a clear mind to be able to pray, to have discipline. Forgive me for being more concerned with so many things rather than the ministry of prayer and Your Word (Acts 6:4) that You have called me to. Forgive me for being so distracted by my emotions and even by the hurts of others. May I have a compassionate heart, but a heart that brings those needs to You quickly rather than trying to figure out what to do myself. Transform me God, make me new! I do not want to be a stumbling block to others, I want to point to You. This battle is Yours, as is the victory that will come in Your time. Thank You for all You are showing me and all You are doing in me. Forgive me for never being content, for always thinking that I need to do more and be more. Thank You for Your acceptance, I need the strength and the ability to accept myself in the Beloved, in You, Jesus. I am so tired of grasping Your truth one minute and then the next falling right back into the same trap. May I so tire of it that I am willing to be silent before You and trust You to work, to deliver and to transform. Help me to stop fighting, to cease striving and to be still and KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOD!
Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will.
1 Peter 4:7-11 (HCSB) Now the end of all things is near; therefore, be clear-headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others, as good managers of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, his speech should be like the oracles of God; if anyone serve, his service should be front eh strength God provides, so that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
Mark 12:30 (NIV) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
Luke 21:14 (HCSB) Therefore make up your minds not to prepare your defense ahead of time. (NIV) But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.
Romans 8:27 (NIV) And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Proverbs 23:7 (HCSB) for as he thinks within himself, so he is.
Lamentations 3:21-26 (HCSB) Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope. Because of the LORD's faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! I say: The LORD is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him. The LORD is good to those who wait for Him. to the person who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the LORD.
Psalm 37:7a (HCSB) Be silent before the LORD and wait expectantly for Him.
Psalm 37:3-6 (HCSB) Trust in the LORD and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him, and He will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday.
Psalm 27:14 (NIV) Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
So Father God, this battle is in my mind. I am weak but You are strong, 1 Corinthians 4:10. Your grace is sufficient for me, 2 Corinthians 12:9. 'In repentance and rest is my salvation, in quietness and trust is my strength', Isaiah 30:15. Forgive me for thinking such negative thoughts about myself, for being so concerned with myself and my emotions, for allowing them to be in control rather than You. Forgive me for constantly trying to figure this life out, myself out and therefore trying to be in control. Forgive me for not being deliberate in calling Your Word to mind, focusing on the fact that You are Faithful, You are Sovereign, for forgetting that You will bring deliverance in Your time and in Your way. Forgive me for forgetting that my job is to rest in You, to wait expectantly with hope for You, to commit my ways to You, to be strong and take heart because You are at work. You love me and You accept me even when I do not love or accept myself. Please change my view of myself, help me to have a humble heart and not a heart that is full of pride and self-focus. Help me to have a view of myself that comes from the Truth of Your Word, one that isn't puffed up or one that beats myself down. May I rely on You. May I renew my mind in Your Word, may I love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. May I stop worrying what others think of me, especially those who are 'supposed' to love me and yet do and say very hurtful things. Help me to forgive and not dwell on the words that I have heard but trade them for the truth of Your Word. Help me to resist the enemy so that he will flees and stop giving in to my own flesh, please Father God. I want my mind to be governed by You and not by myself and my own flesh. Thank You for interceding for me, for loving me and for taking care of me. Help me to truly trust You and not just say the words. Help me to learn and do my part as You lead not as I think I should. I need a clear mind to be able to pray, to have discipline. Forgive me for being more concerned with so many things rather than the ministry of prayer and Your Word (Acts 6:4) that You have called me to. Forgive me for being so distracted by my emotions and even by the hurts of others. May I have a compassionate heart, but a heart that brings those needs to You quickly rather than trying to figure out what to do myself. Transform me God, make me new! I do not want to be a stumbling block to others, I want to point to You. This battle is Yours, as is the victory that will come in Your time. Thank You for all You are showing me and all You are doing in me. Forgive me for never being content, for always thinking that I need to do more and be more. Thank You for Your acceptance, I need the strength and the ability to accept myself in the Beloved, in You, Jesus. I am so tired of grasping Your truth one minute and then the next falling right back into the same trap. May I so tire of it that I am willing to be silent before You and trust You to work, to deliver and to transform. Help me to stop fighting, to cease striving and to be still and KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOD!
Friday, December 20, 2013
Deliverance
Then I will rejoice in the LORD; I will delight in His deliverance. Psalm 35:9
Deliverance means many things to each of us I would imagine. Today my heart and my mind is on the deliverance that my young friend has experienced by going to his home in heaven this week. The dictionary defines deliverance as an act or instance of delivering; salvation; liberation. Some synonyms used are freeing, delivery, redemption, release and rescue!
Wow! That is it exactly! As I have said before my heart is broken. I had a great love for this young man, high hopes and lots of prayers invested in his young life so the loss is great; however I can rejoice in the Lord and even find delight in the fact that he has been delivered! He is fully redeemed, completely free and totally rescued from this world! He is the one who is better off! We are the ones that have to continue this struggle called life while he experiences the very fullness of life! His loss has left a hole that cannot be filled by anyone else, it was his spot in our lives and yet our Savior promises to be our all in all and meet our every need. We must continue to look to Him and to trust Him. He truly knows what is best regardless of what we see or feel. I am so grateful that my life and the lives of those I love are not really in my hands or anyone else's other than their Father in heaven. Most days I do not know what is best for myself much less anyone else! But my God is Sovereign! He knows and He has the power and strength to make sure that the best is what happens for each of us!
Psalm 34:1-4
I will praise the LORD at all times; His praise will always be on my lips. I will boast in the LORD; the humble will hear and be glad. Proclaim with me the LORD's greatness, let us exalt His name together. I sought the LORD and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Father God, I dread the funeral today because of the hurt that it brings, the fact that my friend's lives are forever altered at the loss of their precious son! I am desperately sad and so disappointed for them and their family and even for myself, my family and all that loved him, that he is no longer with us physically and yet for him I can be nothing but glad. Thank You that death is deliverance! That to be absent from the body is to be present with You, Lord! (2 Corinthians 5:8) God may this loss ever remind us of You and our eventual home in heaven. May it remind us to be ready and to share the hope that we have in You alone with those around us who have no hope. God I know I don't have to ask You to be with the family but I do ask that You would reveal Yourself in ways that they have never known and that they will express Your peace in the midst of one of perhaps the worst events that could ever happen here on this earth. Only You can truly comfort. Only You are able to meet each and every need! Thank You for being that kind of God! A God who loves unfailingly and is mighty to save, personal, intimate and more than able to meet our every need. Draw each of them closer to You and each of us as well. May You also use this tragic loss to open the eyes of others that do not know You, please God reveal Yourself and bring salvation to many. Thank You for this allowing this young man to be a part of our lives and for allowing us to love him! I will praise You and rejoice in You because You alone are worthy to be praised! I do delight in the fact that he has been delivered, please remind us of this when the pain rises up and the hurt overwhelms. May we constantly bring everything to You! All of it! I will proclaim Your Greatness! You are the Deliverer both in this life and forevermore! Thank You, Jesus!
Deliverance means many things to each of us I would imagine. Today my heart and my mind is on the deliverance that my young friend has experienced by going to his home in heaven this week. The dictionary defines deliverance as an act or instance of delivering; salvation; liberation. Some synonyms used are freeing, delivery, redemption, release and rescue!
Wow! That is it exactly! As I have said before my heart is broken. I had a great love for this young man, high hopes and lots of prayers invested in his young life so the loss is great; however I can rejoice in the Lord and even find delight in the fact that he has been delivered! He is fully redeemed, completely free and totally rescued from this world! He is the one who is better off! We are the ones that have to continue this struggle called life while he experiences the very fullness of life! His loss has left a hole that cannot be filled by anyone else, it was his spot in our lives and yet our Savior promises to be our all in all and meet our every need. We must continue to look to Him and to trust Him. He truly knows what is best regardless of what we see or feel. I am so grateful that my life and the lives of those I love are not really in my hands or anyone else's other than their Father in heaven. Most days I do not know what is best for myself much less anyone else! But my God is Sovereign! He knows and He has the power and strength to make sure that the best is what happens for each of us!
Psalm 34:1-4
I will praise the LORD at all times; His praise will always be on my lips. I will boast in the LORD; the humble will hear and be glad. Proclaim with me the LORD's greatness, let us exalt His name together. I sought the LORD and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Father God, I dread the funeral today because of the hurt that it brings, the fact that my friend's lives are forever altered at the loss of their precious son! I am desperately sad and so disappointed for them and their family and even for myself, my family and all that loved him, that he is no longer with us physically and yet for him I can be nothing but glad. Thank You that death is deliverance! That to be absent from the body is to be present with You, Lord! (2 Corinthians 5:8) God may this loss ever remind us of You and our eventual home in heaven. May it remind us to be ready and to share the hope that we have in You alone with those around us who have no hope. God I know I don't have to ask You to be with the family but I do ask that You would reveal Yourself in ways that they have never known and that they will express Your peace in the midst of one of perhaps the worst events that could ever happen here on this earth. Only You can truly comfort. Only You are able to meet each and every need! Thank You for being that kind of God! A God who loves unfailingly and is mighty to save, personal, intimate and more than able to meet our every need. Draw each of them closer to You and each of us as well. May You also use this tragic loss to open the eyes of others that do not know You, please God reveal Yourself and bring salvation to many. Thank You for this allowing this young man to be a part of our lives and for allowing us to love him! I will praise You and rejoice in You because You alone are worthy to be praised! I do delight in the fact that he has been delivered, please remind us of this when the pain rises up and the hurt overwhelms. May we constantly bring everything to You! All of it! I will proclaim Your Greatness! You are the Deliverer both in this life and forevermore! Thank You, Jesus!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Accepted in the Beloved
A fairly new but very close friend of mine is continually helping me by pointing me to the Truth of God's Word. One verse in particular continues to be brought to my attention. May be the Lord will use it in Your life as well. This person is also the one who introduced me to Classic Christianity by Bob George and this verse is highlighted in there as well.
Ephesians 1:6 (KJV) To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the Beloved.
Look at this with me, 'to the praise of His glorious grace' (HCSB) we are accepted in the Beloved! What? Look at verses 7 and 8, 'in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.'
Then Ephesians 2:8-9, For it is by grace you are saved in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus, through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift -- not from works, so that no one can boast.
Are you with me? Do you see the truth? The hope in these verses? So often we realize that salvation is a free gift from God, but then we try to add to it in the church. We think we must do so 'works' or 'perform' in a certain way to be right or at least to stay right with God. Wrong thinking and the enemy is having a heyday with this deception. We cannot measure up! Ever! Not in our own strength, not in our works! How foolish I have been and still find myself because I spend so much time thinking that I must do 'something' in order to be accepted by God, I mean really accepted. When I write it out here, it is obvious but it is not so obvious in the moment by moment in which I live.
Look at that beautiful word, GRACE. God's unmerited, unearned favor. Did you notice that once again God goes above and beyond? I mean as if His grace is not already enough He 'lavishes' His grace on us out of the riches of His grace and with wisdom and understanding! His grace does not run out! He knows me and yet He still lavishes His grace on me! I am so unworthy and yet He in His unfailing love saves me through Jesus Christ! Through His work on the cross! I am accepted! Me! You! Through faith in Jesus and by God's gift! I am coming to have a new appreciation for the words accepted, Beloved, and grace. Always before I knew that this was truth, but still I thought, wrongly may I add, that I should do more and be more! What a lie! What a waste! Praise God He is opening my eyes and teaching me to life in the Truth more and more!
Accepted - on the basis of who my loving Creator is and the work of His Son on the cross! His gift! I can never be more accepted than I am at the moment I am saved! I am acceptable! SHOUT THIS WITH ME! I AM ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE OF JESUS!!!
Father God, I praise Your Holy, Matchless Name! Thank You for Your grace! Your patience! Your faithfulness! Your forgiveness! Your gift of Jesus most of all! Thank You that I am acceptable to You because of Jesus! Truly! Nothing can be added to or taken away from my acceptance in You, the Beloved! May I walk in the truth of this! May I recognize the old tricks of the enemy and the bad habits of my flesh and turn from them and trust in You alone! I am beyond thankful for Your grace! I am so weary of trying to live this life thinking I am under grace but really I am still trying in vain to fulfill the law. Thank You for getting my attention. May I shout as loud and as far as You will let me that this life is all about YOU!!! May You receive all the glory and praise! Forgive me for often getting in Your way! Forgive me for believing the lies of the enemy and being full of pride thinking that I needed to do anything other than put my trust in You! Thank You for breaking the chains that have bound me for so long! I need Your wisdom and Your strength to go forth from this place and live differently, to submit fully to You and obey You. Have Your will and way in me, Jesus! Thank You for saving me! May those I come in contact with know You as well! Use me however You chose! Give me the strength and courage to obey. May I point to You, period! Thank You for the assurance of Your acceptance and Your love!
Ephesians 1:6 (KJV) To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the Beloved.
Look at this with me, 'to the praise of His glorious grace' (HCSB) we are accepted in the Beloved! What? Look at verses 7 and 8, 'in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.'
Then Ephesians 2:8-9, For it is by grace you are saved in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus, through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift -- not from works, so that no one can boast.
Are you with me? Do you see the truth? The hope in these verses? So often we realize that salvation is a free gift from God, but then we try to add to it in the church. We think we must do so 'works' or 'perform' in a certain way to be right or at least to stay right with God. Wrong thinking and the enemy is having a heyday with this deception. We cannot measure up! Ever! Not in our own strength, not in our works! How foolish I have been and still find myself because I spend so much time thinking that I must do 'something' in order to be accepted by God, I mean really accepted. When I write it out here, it is obvious but it is not so obvious in the moment by moment in which I live.
Look at that beautiful word, GRACE. God's unmerited, unearned favor. Did you notice that once again God goes above and beyond? I mean as if His grace is not already enough He 'lavishes' His grace on us out of the riches of His grace and with wisdom and understanding! His grace does not run out! He knows me and yet He still lavishes His grace on me! I am so unworthy and yet He in His unfailing love saves me through Jesus Christ! Through His work on the cross! I am accepted! Me! You! Through faith in Jesus and by God's gift! I am coming to have a new appreciation for the words accepted, Beloved, and grace. Always before I knew that this was truth, but still I thought, wrongly may I add, that I should do more and be more! What a lie! What a waste! Praise God He is opening my eyes and teaching me to life in the Truth more and more!
Accepted - on the basis of who my loving Creator is and the work of His Son on the cross! His gift! I can never be more accepted than I am at the moment I am saved! I am acceptable! SHOUT THIS WITH ME! I AM ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE OF JESUS!!!
Father God, I praise Your Holy, Matchless Name! Thank You for Your grace! Your patience! Your faithfulness! Your forgiveness! Your gift of Jesus most of all! Thank You that I am acceptable to You because of Jesus! Truly! Nothing can be added to or taken away from my acceptance in You, the Beloved! May I walk in the truth of this! May I recognize the old tricks of the enemy and the bad habits of my flesh and turn from them and trust in You alone! I am beyond thankful for Your grace! I am so weary of trying to live this life thinking I am under grace but really I am still trying in vain to fulfill the law. Thank You for getting my attention. May I shout as loud and as far as You will let me that this life is all about YOU!!! May You receive all the glory and praise! Forgive me for often getting in Your way! Forgive me for believing the lies of the enemy and being full of pride thinking that I needed to do anything other than put my trust in You! Thank You for breaking the chains that have bound me for so long! I need Your wisdom and Your strength to go forth from this place and live differently, to submit fully to You and obey You. Have Your will and way in me, Jesus! Thank You for saving me! May those I come in contact with know You as well! Use me however You chose! Give me the strength and courage to obey. May I point to You, period! Thank You for the assurance of Your acceptance and Your love!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Our Loss is Heaven's Gain
Yesterday morning arrived with some very sad news. We lost a young friend whom we loved and thought much of. Sadness, loss, grief, unmatched heaviness in thinking of his family, prayer, tears, relief, comfort all these words and so much more describe the emotions that have been roiling since the news.
I have no words, I have nothing to say. I only know that God is Sovereign. He is in control and my young friend is the only one who is not suffering at this time! This brings me comfort. He walks with God now, whole, happy, at peace and more alive than he has ever been before. Job 14:5 says "A person's days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." Knowing that God is not caught by surprise and that He is in charge brings much comfort. The plans that God has for us are good and the ultimate ending of that plan is eternity in heaven with Him. It bothers me to hear people say that someone died too young or whatever. We die when our days on earth are done and He is the only One who knows when that is for each of us.
I am desperately sad. My dear friends are facing what is each parents worst nightmare, the loss of a child. I hurt for them. I am sad for what will never be, but the fact is his life did not end, his body is no longer but his spirit is soaring and he is completely happy, completely whole, no longer struggling with this world but in the presence of the very One who made him and loves him more than we can imagine. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says, 'yet we are confident and satisfied to be out of the body and at home with the Lord.' We are the ones who hurt, we are the ones who suffer and miss him so much. We are the ones still 'groaning in this earthly house, longing to put on our house from heaven', 2 Corinthians 5:2.
I consider him one of the 'treasures stored up in heaven' that Matthew 6:20 talks about! His being there makes me even more anxious to go. None of us knows the days God has set for us, so our job is to set our minds on Him, to share the good news of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection with those who do not know Him and be ready ourselves for the time when we are called home. Luke 12:40 tells us to 'be ready because the Son of Man is coming at an hour that you do not expect.'
We grieve and we hurt and our young friend will be remembered and missed, but he is not suffering, he is not grieved as he is at home with His Savior forever!
Father God, You alone are able to bring comfort and peace. You alone know Your plans and Your purposes. We trust You. We know that we spend a lot of time making this earth our home, but truly home is in heaven with You. Thank You for the promise that You, Jesus, have gone to prepare a place for us. Thank You that there is no more death, separation, tears and pain in heaven. God give us a hunger for You and a desire to know You more and share You with others. May we take this moment to remember what James 4:14 tells us, 'you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.' So help us to live completely surrendered to You moment by moment and walk in Your ways. Please touch this precious family and give them an abundance of Your presence to hold them, comfort them and sustain them. May each of them run to You and find their hope in You alone.
I have no words, I have nothing to say. I only know that God is Sovereign. He is in control and my young friend is the only one who is not suffering at this time! This brings me comfort. He walks with God now, whole, happy, at peace and more alive than he has ever been before. Job 14:5 says "A person's days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." Knowing that God is not caught by surprise and that He is in charge brings much comfort. The plans that God has for us are good and the ultimate ending of that plan is eternity in heaven with Him. It bothers me to hear people say that someone died too young or whatever. We die when our days on earth are done and He is the only One who knows when that is for each of us.
I am desperately sad. My dear friends are facing what is each parents worst nightmare, the loss of a child. I hurt for them. I am sad for what will never be, but the fact is his life did not end, his body is no longer but his spirit is soaring and he is completely happy, completely whole, no longer struggling with this world but in the presence of the very One who made him and loves him more than we can imagine. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says, 'yet we are confident and satisfied to be out of the body and at home with the Lord.' We are the ones who hurt, we are the ones who suffer and miss him so much. We are the ones still 'groaning in this earthly house, longing to put on our house from heaven', 2 Corinthians 5:2.
I consider him one of the 'treasures stored up in heaven' that Matthew 6:20 talks about! His being there makes me even more anxious to go. None of us knows the days God has set for us, so our job is to set our minds on Him, to share the good news of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection with those who do not know Him and be ready ourselves for the time when we are called home. Luke 12:40 tells us to 'be ready because the Son of Man is coming at an hour that you do not expect.'
We grieve and we hurt and our young friend will be remembered and missed, but he is not suffering, he is not grieved as he is at home with His Savior forever!
Father God, You alone are able to bring comfort and peace. You alone know Your plans and Your purposes. We trust You. We know that we spend a lot of time making this earth our home, but truly home is in heaven with You. Thank You for the promise that You, Jesus, have gone to prepare a place for us. Thank You that there is no more death, separation, tears and pain in heaven. God give us a hunger for You and a desire to know You more and share You with others. May we take this moment to remember what James 4:14 tells us, 'you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.' So help us to live completely surrendered to You moment by moment and walk in Your ways. Please touch this precious family and give them an abundance of Your presence to hold them, comfort them and sustain them. May each of them run to You and find their hope in You alone.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Enter His Rest!
Hebrews 4:10-12, For the person who has entered His rest has rested from his own works, just as God Did from His. Let us then make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall in to the same patter of disobedience. For the Word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to the divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judgeof the ideas and thoughts of the heart.
I have much on my mind this morning. I know, what is new!? However, in working through the study guide for 'Classic Christianity' by Bob George, I am seeing things more and more clearly. I am thankful, but I tell you the battle that I am in is fierce! As I was reading different verses that the study led me to about my identity in Christ and on into the topic of being loved and accepted I am blown away once again. A quote by Bob George resonates, "In Christ we are children of God. We are loved perfectly, accepted totally, and seen as perfect in God's eyes. This is our identity in Christ. When we grasp who we are we will go free. We will be free to serve others and to look after other people's interests, not just our own. There we will find true meaning and purpose to life." I am tasting that freedom, that life in Christ like never before and yet the battle to keep me bound is on! I know that God is mighty and He is able and He will set me free, but I have to continually choose to know the Truth, to be set free (John 8:32).
As I was reading the Lord led me to Hebrews 4:10. I was supposed to be Hebrews 4:16. "Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." Instead, first I went to verse 10. Random coincidence, you say? No way! God is so getting my attention! This was no coincidence, this is Him continuing to set me free!!! I have mentioned many times that I am battling with this whole principle, this whole life change really, of being still and knowing the He is God! Psalm 46:10. The Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) states it like this, 'Stop your fighting -- and know that I am God.'
So, here goes, an explanation, a working through, not an excuse. I have spent my entire life fighting! What did I say and what do I mean? Well, I have spent my life fighting to prove that I am acceptable, that I am lovable, that I am worthy, that I am strong, endeavoring to be liked, to be wanted. In my flesh, in my own strength, in my life it has been necessary to take care of myself, particularly emotionally and relationally. I have always been well provided for from a human perspective, there was a sense of being wanted; however it was always overshadowed with the knowing that I was wanted when I did what I was supposed to do.
Therefore, I lived and truthfully still live, a life in the shadow of fear and desperate need for approval. This has biased everything I have ever thought or done. Unconditional love was a foreign concept for me and still one that I battle with on a daily basis internally. What I have done is try to be perfect. Now, I know better than anyone that I am not perfect and can never be, but that has not stopped me from expecting perfection from myself. Thus, the Lord has His mighty hands full trying to change someone who has spent a lifetime 'surviving' and even 'thriving' by acting better, doing more, helping, pleasing, fighting for myself and basically being self-centered and self-focused at least on the inside. Constantly worried about how things will appear, am I doing 'it' right. will I make someone mad, will they leave me, do they really love me, they wouldn't if they really knew the real me and on and on and on. Do you see the bondage? Do you see the lies?
What is my point? The actions, attitudes, habits and emotions that I have lived by are NOT THE TRUTH and because I have lived by them in some form or fashion for 43 years I am in the battle of my life trying to be set free. Now the fact is that God through His Word is setting me free; however I must submit to His lead and obey Him. This is the hard part! This is where I desperately need your prayer. I have issues, we all do, mine are emotional though and thus they tend to trick me before I even realize it. I am under intense attack from the enemy of my soul and my own flesh on a moment by moment basis. Am I making any sense? Again, I am not excusing myself I am simply trying to be open and real and be set free, truly set free. Every tiny breakthrough seems to come with an intense battle for relief from my emotions, from the lies that are so big in my feelings that they often overshadow the Truth just by there mere presence. The fact is I am still fighting! Do you see it? I so do! I am living it! Now, God in His mercy and grace has made me a fighter in a good way, a way that has enabled me to get this far so to speak and to want change! I have been fighting for change inside me and in the way I do things since I was 15 years old. I want God to break the chains of bondage that come from family history and from my own choices to sin. So the concept of rest that God continues to show me, to give me a taste of is so foreign to me that I fight it and yet He continues to get my attention and provide it! Glory to God! He is so good! He is so faithful!
Look at Hebrews 4:10-12. Verse 10 literally seemed to jump off the page at me! 'For the person who has entered His rest has rested from His own works, just as God did from His.'
Here are the things that God is showing me. Tammy, you have entered into God's rest, you know that He has given you salvation through His Son, Jesus and that He has given you life because of His resurrection. You know it and you know Him and you believe it and you believe Him and yet still you fight. You are still fighting the wrong things. You are fighting to be accepted, you are fighting to be loved and you are fighting to trust God and take Him at His Word. So what do I need to do? Well, the Lord tells me in verse 11, 'let us make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' What? I need to use this ability He has given me to fight, to make every effort (see that? for me is to fight) to enter His rest! I must resist the enemy and he has to flee, James 4:7, but how? BY SUBMITTING MYSELF TO GOD, my emotions, my habits, my lack of trust, etc. I must fight to take every thought captive, 2 Corinthians 10:5, every thought that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and make it obedient to Christ!
This choice to rest from my own works is a fight that I cannot win unless I continually give the fight to Christ and rest in the Truth of His Word. For me this is one of the toughest battles I have ever faced and yet when I chose to allow Him to fight for me, I know freedom and joy like never before! Again, it is a process and I don't want to wait, I want it all now! But you see, that is heaven, that is the ultimate victory and yet I do not have to continue to live with my head down, stiff-necked, and exhausted because I am trying to fight in my own strength. Did you see the rest of verse 11? 'So that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' That is me! I keep falling into the same pattern of disobedience because I am trying to fight the very rest He has provided! He has already provided every single thing I need or will ever need I must accept that I have entered into His rest! To take Him at His Word and trust Him, period! How??? Through His Word!!!
Hebrews 4:12, For the Word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart!
He does the work! My efforts need to go into entering His rest, submitting myself to Him, allowing Him to judge the ideas and thoughts of my heart, taking my thoughts captive by KNOWING HIS WORD AND TRUSTING HIS WORD! "By the mercies of God" I am to "present (my) body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is (my) spiritual worship." I am not to be "conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of (my) mind, so that (I) may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." My weakness, my inability to win the fight in my emotions sets me up for His ability to pour out His sufficient grace upon me, for His power to be made perfect, for when I am weak He is made strong, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I have plead for years for Him to take away this depression completely; He has not, but what He has done is far more glorious! He has made me utterly dependent upon Him and when I try to fight Him, then I am miserable! He has used the depression and the ADHD to place me in a position that allows Him to be all I need! Otherwise I would continue to try to be self-sufficient, to take care of myself, and try to meet the needs of those around me in my own strength. He has brought me to my knees and continues to do so and I am so grateful! I have true joy now like never before! I am learning that my 'faith must not be based on men's wisdom but on God's power', 1 Corinthians 2:5, that I need to rest in Him, to stop fighting, to receive the rest that He has so graciously provided already! I do not have to wait until heaven to experience rest, victory, hope, joy, peace, etc. or to experience Him!
To rest is not to do nothing, to rest is to trust Him fully and completely and use every effort in me to abide in Him and allow Him to abide in me. I am to remain in Him and He will bear much fruit in me because without Him I can do nothing, John 15:4-5. If I want to fight it needs to be for the right things, to have the 'goal to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering' Philippians 3:10.
Please God transform me, change me on the inside where it matters! Forgive me for fighting for the wrong things, for fighting You and Your provision. For allowing my emotions to so often overwhelm be and be the truth that I live by, when actually they are a lie! May I take Your Word and hide it in my heart that I might not sin against You! (Psalm 119:11) Forgive me, Father, for falling into the same pattern of disobedience over and over again. Thank You that in Your mercy, grace, forgiveness and love that You never leave me there that You continually reach out and touch me, get my attention and correct me! I am beyond grateful to be Your child, Lord and I so want to bring You glory! I so want to be free, to live a life that is surrendered to You, that doesn't not continue to look to myself and my needs! Forgive me God for being so self-focused, for being so concerned with my own comfort and my own needs! Please open my eyes to what You have me to do and help me to rest in knowing that You are in charge, that I need not worry about failing You because You are the One who will provide everything. Help me to truly grasp that I cannot earn anything because You have already provided it all. Please bind Satan, in the Name of Jesus, from the havoc he tries to reck in my emotions, from whispering the lies that I have believed for so long. May I know Your Truth and have Your eyes to see the deception for what it is and resist him. Thank You for the promise that He must flee. For the fact that You are mighty and I need not fear the enemy, my flesh or anyone else. You are trustworthy and You will guide me and never ever turn Your back on me regardless of what I feel! May I learn to trust You more and get better at ignoring my feelings. I want more of You, God, please, You increase and help me to decrease! Thank You for the promise of Your Word, that if I confess my sin, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and purify me from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. As if that were not enough God, You even go so far as to remove my sin from me as far as the east is to the west, Psalm 103:12! Micah 1:19 says that you will cast my sins into the depths of the sea. God, You promise in Hebrews 8:12, that You will be merciful and forgive my wrongdoings and You will never again remember my sin! Praise You, God! You are so amazing! I am overwhelmed by Your faithfulness once again. I am so undeserving and yet because of Jesus, I am Your child! My identity is found in You alone!
I have much on my mind this morning. I know, what is new!? However, in working through the study guide for 'Classic Christianity' by Bob George, I am seeing things more and more clearly. I am thankful, but I tell you the battle that I am in is fierce! As I was reading different verses that the study led me to about my identity in Christ and on into the topic of being loved and accepted I am blown away once again. A quote by Bob George resonates, "In Christ we are children of God. We are loved perfectly, accepted totally, and seen as perfect in God's eyes. This is our identity in Christ. When we grasp who we are we will go free. We will be free to serve others and to look after other people's interests, not just our own. There we will find true meaning and purpose to life." I am tasting that freedom, that life in Christ like never before and yet the battle to keep me bound is on! I know that God is mighty and He is able and He will set me free, but I have to continually choose to know the Truth, to be set free (John 8:32).
As I was reading the Lord led me to Hebrews 4:10. I was supposed to be Hebrews 4:16. "Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." Instead, first I went to verse 10. Random coincidence, you say? No way! God is so getting my attention! This was no coincidence, this is Him continuing to set me free!!! I have mentioned many times that I am battling with this whole principle, this whole life change really, of being still and knowing the He is God! Psalm 46:10. The Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) states it like this, 'Stop your fighting -- and know that I am God.'
So, here goes, an explanation, a working through, not an excuse. I have spent my entire life fighting! What did I say and what do I mean? Well, I have spent my life fighting to prove that I am acceptable, that I am lovable, that I am worthy, that I am strong, endeavoring to be liked, to be wanted. In my flesh, in my own strength, in my life it has been necessary to take care of myself, particularly emotionally and relationally. I have always been well provided for from a human perspective, there was a sense of being wanted; however it was always overshadowed with the knowing that I was wanted when I did what I was supposed to do.
Therefore, I lived and truthfully still live, a life in the shadow of fear and desperate need for approval. This has biased everything I have ever thought or done. Unconditional love was a foreign concept for me and still one that I battle with on a daily basis internally. What I have done is try to be perfect. Now, I know better than anyone that I am not perfect and can never be, but that has not stopped me from expecting perfection from myself. Thus, the Lord has His mighty hands full trying to change someone who has spent a lifetime 'surviving' and even 'thriving' by acting better, doing more, helping, pleasing, fighting for myself and basically being self-centered and self-focused at least on the inside. Constantly worried about how things will appear, am I doing 'it' right. will I make someone mad, will they leave me, do they really love me, they wouldn't if they really knew the real me and on and on and on. Do you see the bondage? Do you see the lies?
What is my point? The actions, attitudes, habits and emotions that I have lived by are NOT THE TRUTH and because I have lived by them in some form or fashion for 43 years I am in the battle of my life trying to be set free. Now the fact is that God through His Word is setting me free; however I must submit to His lead and obey Him. This is the hard part! This is where I desperately need your prayer. I have issues, we all do, mine are emotional though and thus they tend to trick me before I even realize it. I am under intense attack from the enemy of my soul and my own flesh on a moment by moment basis. Am I making any sense? Again, I am not excusing myself I am simply trying to be open and real and be set free, truly set free. Every tiny breakthrough seems to come with an intense battle for relief from my emotions, from the lies that are so big in my feelings that they often overshadow the Truth just by there mere presence. The fact is I am still fighting! Do you see it? I so do! I am living it! Now, God in His mercy and grace has made me a fighter in a good way, a way that has enabled me to get this far so to speak and to want change! I have been fighting for change inside me and in the way I do things since I was 15 years old. I want God to break the chains of bondage that come from family history and from my own choices to sin. So the concept of rest that God continues to show me, to give me a taste of is so foreign to me that I fight it and yet He continues to get my attention and provide it! Glory to God! He is so good! He is so faithful!
Look at Hebrews 4:10-12. Verse 10 literally seemed to jump off the page at me! 'For the person who has entered His rest has rested from His own works, just as God did from His.'
Here are the things that God is showing me. Tammy, you have entered into God's rest, you know that He has given you salvation through His Son, Jesus and that He has given you life because of His resurrection. You know it and you know Him and you believe it and you believe Him and yet still you fight. You are still fighting the wrong things. You are fighting to be accepted, you are fighting to be loved and you are fighting to trust God and take Him at His Word. So what do I need to do? Well, the Lord tells me in verse 11, 'let us make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' What? I need to use this ability He has given me to fight, to make every effort (see that? for me is to fight) to enter His rest! I must resist the enemy and he has to flee, James 4:7, but how? BY SUBMITTING MYSELF TO GOD, my emotions, my habits, my lack of trust, etc. I must fight to take every thought captive, 2 Corinthians 10:5, every thought that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and make it obedient to Christ!
This choice to rest from my own works is a fight that I cannot win unless I continually give the fight to Christ and rest in the Truth of His Word. For me this is one of the toughest battles I have ever faced and yet when I chose to allow Him to fight for me, I know freedom and joy like never before! Again, it is a process and I don't want to wait, I want it all now! But you see, that is heaven, that is the ultimate victory and yet I do not have to continue to live with my head down, stiff-necked, and exhausted because I am trying to fight in my own strength. Did you see the rest of verse 11? 'So that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' That is me! I keep falling into the same pattern of disobedience because I am trying to fight the very rest He has provided! He has already provided every single thing I need or will ever need I must accept that I have entered into His rest! To take Him at His Word and trust Him, period! How??? Through His Word!!!
Hebrews 4:12, For the Word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart!
He does the work! My efforts need to go into entering His rest, submitting myself to Him, allowing Him to judge the ideas and thoughts of my heart, taking my thoughts captive by KNOWING HIS WORD AND TRUSTING HIS WORD! "By the mercies of God" I am to "present (my) body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is (my) spiritual worship." I am not to be "conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of (my) mind, so that (I) may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." My weakness, my inability to win the fight in my emotions sets me up for His ability to pour out His sufficient grace upon me, for His power to be made perfect, for when I am weak He is made strong, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I have plead for years for Him to take away this depression completely; He has not, but what He has done is far more glorious! He has made me utterly dependent upon Him and when I try to fight Him, then I am miserable! He has used the depression and the ADHD to place me in a position that allows Him to be all I need! Otherwise I would continue to try to be self-sufficient, to take care of myself, and try to meet the needs of those around me in my own strength. He has brought me to my knees and continues to do so and I am so grateful! I have true joy now like never before! I am learning that my 'faith must not be based on men's wisdom but on God's power', 1 Corinthians 2:5, that I need to rest in Him, to stop fighting, to receive the rest that He has so graciously provided already! I do not have to wait until heaven to experience rest, victory, hope, joy, peace, etc. or to experience Him!
To rest is not to do nothing, to rest is to trust Him fully and completely and use every effort in me to abide in Him and allow Him to abide in me. I am to remain in Him and He will bear much fruit in me because without Him I can do nothing, John 15:4-5. If I want to fight it needs to be for the right things, to have the 'goal to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering' Philippians 3:10.
Please God transform me, change me on the inside where it matters! Forgive me for fighting for the wrong things, for fighting You and Your provision. For allowing my emotions to so often overwhelm be and be the truth that I live by, when actually they are a lie! May I take Your Word and hide it in my heart that I might not sin against You! (Psalm 119:11) Forgive me, Father, for falling into the same pattern of disobedience over and over again. Thank You that in Your mercy, grace, forgiveness and love that You never leave me there that You continually reach out and touch me, get my attention and correct me! I am beyond grateful to be Your child, Lord and I so want to bring You glory! I so want to be free, to live a life that is surrendered to You, that doesn't not continue to look to myself and my needs! Forgive me God for being so self-focused, for being so concerned with my own comfort and my own needs! Please open my eyes to what You have me to do and help me to rest in knowing that You are in charge, that I need not worry about failing You because You are the One who will provide everything. Help me to truly grasp that I cannot earn anything because You have already provided it all. Please bind Satan, in the Name of Jesus, from the havoc he tries to reck in my emotions, from whispering the lies that I have believed for so long. May I know Your Truth and have Your eyes to see the deception for what it is and resist him. Thank You for the promise that He must flee. For the fact that You are mighty and I need not fear the enemy, my flesh or anyone else. You are trustworthy and You will guide me and never ever turn Your back on me regardless of what I feel! May I learn to trust You more and get better at ignoring my feelings. I want more of You, God, please, You increase and help me to decrease! Thank You for the promise of Your Word, that if I confess my sin, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and purify me from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. As if that were not enough God, You even go so far as to remove my sin from me as far as the east is to the west, Psalm 103:12! Micah 1:19 says that you will cast my sins into the depths of the sea. God, You promise in Hebrews 8:12, that You will be merciful and forgive my wrongdoings and You will never again remember my sin! Praise You, God! You are so amazing! I am overwhelmed by Your faithfulness once again. I am so undeserving and yet because of Jesus, I am Your child! My identity is found in You alone!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Confessions...What does it mean to be insecure?
So it is another day for definitions and confessions, it appears ;-/ Apparently, as I have mentioned before in earlier blogs one of Satan's greatest tactics on me is the depth of depression I experience as well as its recurrence and now being aware of the fact the I have ADHD. I bring this up again not as an excuse, but as an explanation and writing about it appears to be the Lord's way of helping me through it. Between my own flesh and the enemy, I have lost much and on my mind today is the depth of the loss of fellowship in my life. Let me explain. Through the years of dealing with depression and subsequently the ADHD, which I didn't know I had until a few months ago, I have withdrawn further and further back into the shell of myself much like the days when I was a child and I was so shy that I was afraid of my own extended family at gatherings. I see, now, how the Lord in His graciousness had pulled me out of that fearful, shy shell and how by not standing fully on the Truth of His Word I have allowed the enemy to steal some of the ground that God had delivered me from.
Why do I bring this up? I wonder if there are others out there that struggle in a similar fashion? I believe God has called me to be open and transparent about these difficulties that I have in hopes that He will encourage someone else and draw them closer to Him, plus I am praying that He will bring healing to my own emotions as well. He is! It is through the Truth of His Word and by the power of His Holy Spirit that He is working in me! He is the only One who can help us and He is the only One who truly understands! I, for one, am grateful to Him and if sharing this journey helps, then I will. He is truly releasing me to take my Journey His Way rather than to continue on the way I have before. A way that was full of love for the Lord and a desire to serve Him, but one that was also full of knowing the Word but not truly trusting and believing the Truth of His Word. For example, not believing that He loves me, period! I know the verses and I would even say I believed them, but in my heart I still felt that I needed to earn His favor, that I needed to do more and act better, serve more, love better, etc. Thus the growth of insecurity and self-consciousness in my life rather than peace and joy. I just wanted to be accepted for who I am; however in trying so hard, I have lost out on knowing who I am! I have tried so hard to be a godly wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, staff wife, friend and on and on that I have had my eyes on myself rather than on the truth that God is the One who does the work, I need only obey! He is in control, He is in charge and He doesn't need my help! I have missed out on the fact that He made me who I am and that He already accepts me! Completely accepts me! The work is in getting over the lie and the fact that I have not accepted myself for so long that the emotions are often bigger than the Truth in my life. Thank God, He is not leaving me there! He is so good to me!!!
Look at theses words, they are just a sampling of what I struggle with in a big way. For more details refer back to earlier blogs concerning the depression and the ADHD.
insecurity - lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt
self-conscious - conscious of oneself or one's own being
self-doubt - lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought
Why am I looking at these words today? Well, here goes, last night Mark and I went to a small group fellowship with our church. Now I am going to get gut level real here so feel free to move on ;-/ First, let me say that we had a great time and the people we got to be with were wonderful! I am the issue, not anyone else.
One big thing the enemy has stolen from me is my ability to fellowship or more accurately my ability to feel comfortable fellowshipping. Now, I love people and I am generally very friendly but in my nature I am more of a loner and I prefer one on one situations to group settings as I tend to get into intense conversations and desire a deep connection with people rather than a surface one. Or I am allowing my mouth to run off with itself and I am obnoxious, due to the fact that I am uncomfortable or nervous in a group. I am constantly analyzing what I say and should I have said it. This is exhausting and ridiculous I know! This morning I was thinking over the evening before. By the time we had driven almost 30 minutes home I was questioning myself and asking Mark if he thought I was unkind in my teasing of one the people at the group? I was teasing out of love and probably nervousness; however as I looked back I began to wonder if I went too far. I felt goofy and very self-conscious and as I said before I got home the insecurity was rolling over me and trying to steal from me what was a very fun and enjoyable evening! Thus, this blog today and the struggle I am having to work through this in my emotions and in my mind. I realize it is kind of pitiful, but it is true and it is me and this is the voice that God has given me so here I am.
I was looking in the Word, thinking about fellowship and God led me to Acts 2:42, They devoted themselves to the apostle's teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. This morning I have realized that I have been devoting myself with new vigor to the Word and to prayer but not to fellowship. It is much easier for me to get into the Word and pray because I do this on my own, the problem for me is in applying the Word. Getting up and going out there and being obedient.
This has been a very difficult and long season for me. A season of intense depression, hurt and realization that I do not know who Tammy is anymore, who God wants me to me or even who He made me to be. A time where I have withdrawn from people in the sense of hanging out or just having fun or allowing myself to connect in new circumstances. I have become way too serious in my desire to be all God has for me, I have tried to do the work rather than trust Him. Some of that comes from having given my entire heart to a church family (the longest I had ever belonged to one church in my life) and then God calling us to move to another one. It was right, it was His timing for us to leave but the grief has been more intense than I could have ever imagined. Also living in the same house and the same area and yet everything else about life changing so dramatically has been hard. I haven't handled it very well. I have withdrawn and decided to only 'care' to a degree, not so deeply that it will hurt so bad should the Lord move us again sometime. It hasn't worked I have only been hurting in a different way. It is never good to try to take matters into our own hands!
Now, lest you feel sorry for me (which is not my intent), God has given me some incredibly close friends that have walked with me on this journey for years and some new friends, all of whom I am extremely grateful and thankful for as we share life deeply and are connected as only the Lord can manage. My point in all of this is that the struggle with trying to get back into fellowship with small groups is tough, it has gotten easier to just take care of myself and my family, albeit much more lonely. I know that this is a season of healing for me, one of rest, of learning to just be. God has been so faithful and gracious to answer my prayers for help with these emotional stressors, to show me how I have been believing the lies of the enemy and to begin to bring about a freedom inside of me that I haven't experienced in years, if ever before to this degree. The issue is that it is a process and while I process well, I don't do patient well ;-) The three steps forward, two steps back approach gets kind of old! Just saying!
God is always stretching me it seems in so many ways and I am thankful (well, I am trying to be:). I will wait for Him, so no, I am not just going to jump back into being busy as before, I am going to continue to focus on Him and submit to Him as He tries to teach me to be still and know that He is God, to cease striving, and to stop fighting (Psalm 46:10). The problem is I have gotten really good at striving, at fighting so that I am back doing it again before I even realize it. I want to follow His lead, to trust Him wholeheartedly and know that I know, even in the trials, that He is at work and that He is not worried if I act a bit goofy or if I get nervous in new circumstances or even at times in old ones, He still loves me and He will not abandon me! How do I know? Because this life is all about Him, who He is and what He has done and is doing! It is not about me at all! Praise God for that!!!
Father God, I pray You can take these confessions, these ramblings and use them for Your glory. Thank You that I am finally grasping that You love me, period! You are not disappointed with me, embarrassed by me or disgusted with me! Help me not to allow myself to feel this way about myself any more. May I take You at Your Word and live a life that is abundant because it is about You rather than about me. I know I am in a process and I truly am grateful for how faithful You are, that You have never given up on me and You never will. Forgive me for giving up on myself, for withdrawing and rejecting so many of the provisions You have given me over the years. I thank You that You can and will use it all for Your glory if I continue to surrender to You. Help me not to give in to the emotions that rise up but counter them with the Truth of Your Word. I thank You that I am experiencing Your Living Word and You are truly setting me free! John 8:31b-32 "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Thank You Jesus! I thank You that though my story may be different from someone else's Your truth is the same for all of us! Thank You for Your sacrifice, Jesus, that I may have life!
Why do I bring this up? I wonder if there are others out there that struggle in a similar fashion? I believe God has called me to be open and transparent about these difficulties that I have in hopes that He will encourage someone else and draw them closer to Him, plus I am praying that He will bring healing to my own emotions as well. He is! It is through the Truth of His Word and by the power of His Holy Spirit that He is working in me! He is the only One who can help us and He is the only One who truly understands! I, for one, am grateful to Him and if sharing this journey helps, then I will. He is truly releasing me to take my Journey His Way rather than to continue on the way I have before. A way that was full of love for the Lord and a desire to serve Him, but one that was also full of knowing the Word but not truly trusting and believing the Truth of His Word. For example, not believing that He loves me, period! I know the verses and I would even say I believed them, but in my heart I still felt that I needed to earn His favor, that I needed to do more and act better, serve more, love better, etc. Thus the growth of insecurity and self-consciousness in my life rather than peace and joy. I just wanted to be accepted for who I am; however in trying so hard, I have lost out on knowing who I am! I have tried so hard to be a godly wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, staff wife, friend and on and on that I have had my eyes on myself rather than on the truth that God is the One who does the work, I need only obey! He is in control, He is in charge and He doesn't need my help! I have missed out on the fact that He made me who I am and that He already accepts me! Completely accepts me! The work is in getting over the lie and the fact that I have not accepted myself for so long that the emotions are often bigger than the Truth in my life. Thank God, He is not leaving me there! He is so good to me!!!
Look at theses words, they are just a sampling of what I struggle with in a big way. For more details refer back to earlier blogs concerning the depression and the ADHD.
insecurity - lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt
self-conscious - conscious of oneself or one's own being
self-doubt - lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought
Why am I looking at these words today? Well, here goes, last night Mark and I went to a small group fellowship with our church. Now I am going to get gut level real here so feel free to move on ;-/ First, let me say that we had a great time and the people we got to be with were wonderful! I am the issue, not anyone else.
One big thing the enemy has stolen from me is my ability to fellowship or more accurately my ability to feel comfortable fellowshipping. Now, I love people and I am generally very friendly but in my nature I am more of a loner and I prefer one on one situations to group settings as I tend to get into intense conversations and desire a deep connection with people rather than a surface one. Or I am allowing my mouth to run off with itself and I am obnoxious, due to the fact that I am uncomfortable or nervous in a group. I am constantly analyzing what I say and should I have said it. This is exhausting and ridiculous I know! This morning I was thinking over the evening before. By the time we had driven almost 30 minutes home I was questioning myself and asking Mark if he thought I was unkind in my teasing of one the people at the group? I was teasing out of love and probably nervousness; however as I looked back I began to wonder if I went too far. I felt goofy and very self-conscious and as I said before I got home the insecurity was rolling over me and trying to steal from me what was a very fun and enjoyable evening! Thus, this blog today and the struggle I am having to work through this in my emotions and in my mind. I realize it is kind of pitiful, but it is true and it is me and this is the voice that God has given me so here I am.
I was looking in the Word, thinking about fellowship and God led me to Acts 2:42, They devoted themselves to the apostle's teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. This morning I have realized that I have been devoting myself with new vigor to the Word and to prayer but not to fellowship. It is much easier for me to get into the Word and pray because I do this on my own, the problem for me is in applying the Word. Getting up and going out there and being obedient.
This has been a very difficult and long season for me. A season of intense depression, hurt and realization that I do not know who Tammy is anymore, who God wants me to me or even who He made me to be. A time where I have withdrawn from people in the sense of hanging out or just having fun or allowing myself to connect in new circumstances. I have become way too serious in my desire to be all God has for me, I have tried to do the work rather than trust Him. Some of that comes from having given my entire heart to a church family (the longest I had ever belonged to one church in my life) and then God calling us to move to another one. It was right, it was His timing for us to leave but the grief has been more intense than I could have ever imagined. Also living in the same house and the same area and yet everything else about life changing so dramatically has been hard. I haven't handled it very well. I have withdrawn and decided to only 'care' to a degree, not so deeply that it will hurt so bad should the Lord move us again sometime. It hasn't worked I have only been hurting in a different way. It is never good to try to take matters into our own hands!
Now, lest you feel sorry for me (which is not my intent), God has given me some incredibly close friends that have walked with me on this journey for years and some new friends, all of whom I am extremely grateful and thankful for as we share life deeply and are connected as only the Lord can manage. My point in all of this is that the struggle with trying to get back into fellowship with small groups is tough, it has gotten easier to just take care of myself and my family, albeit much more lonely. I know that this is a season of healing for me, one of rest, of learning to just be. God has been so faithful and gracious to answer my prayers for help with these emotional stressors, to show me how I have been believing the lies of the enemy and to begin to bring about a freedom inside of me that I haven't experienced in years, if ever before to this degree. The issue is that it is a process and while I process well, I don't do patient well ;-) The three steps forward, two steps back approach gets kind of old! Just saying!
God is always stretching me it seems in so many ways and I am thankful (well, I am trying to be:). I will wait for Him, so no, I am not just going to jump back into being busy as before, I am going to continue to focus on Him and submit to Him as He tries to teach me to be still and know that He is God, to cease striving, and to stop fighting (Psalm 46:10). The problem is I have gotten really good at striving, at fighting so that I am back doing it again before I even realize it. I want to follow His lead, to trust Him wholeheartedly and know that I know, even in the trials, that He is at work and that He is not worried if I act a bit goofy or if I get nervous in new circumstances or even at times in old ones, He still loves me and He will not abandon me! How do I know? Because this life is all about Him, who He is and what He has done and is doing! It is not about me at all! Praise God for that!!!
Father God, I pray You can take these confessions, these ramblings and use them for Your glory. Thank You that I am finally grasping that You love me, period! You are not disappointed with me, embarrassed by me or disgusted with me! Help me not to allow myself to feel this way about myself any more. May I take You at Your Word and live a life that is abundant because it is about You rather than about me. I know I am in a process and I truly am grateful for how faithful You are, that You have never given up on me and You never will. Forgive me for giving up on myself, for withdrawing and rejecting so many of the provisions You have given me over the years. I thank You that You can and will use it all for Your glory if I continue to surrender to You. Help me not to give in to the emotions that rise up but counter them with the Truth of Your Word. I thank You that I am experiencing Your Living Word and You are truly setting me free! John 8:31b-32 "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Thank You Jesus! I thank You that though my story may be different from someone else's Your truth is the same for all of us! Thank You for Your sacrifice, Jesus, that I may have life!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Psalm 100
Psalm 100
1) Shout triumphantly to the LORD,
all the earth.
2) Serve the LORD with gladness;
come before Him
with joyful songs.
3) Acknowledge that the LORD
is God.
He made us, and we are His--
His people, the sheep
of His pasture.
4) Enter His gates
with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him and praise
His name.
5) For the LORD is good,
and His love is eternal;
His faithfulness endures
through all generations.
I have been piddling today looking at different verses about God, who He is and ultimately focusing on His faithfulness. It is overwhelming to go into His Word and try to grasp Him as God. In Genesis alone He created, He made, He said, He finished, He revealed Himself, He walked, He rested, He banished and on and on! Whoa! How amazing to think of who God is and the fact that He was willing to make a way for me to be in relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus. You know, Jesus gave up heaven to experience earth, to relate, to connect, to become human, to be the bridge between us and God, He was beaten and endured a cruel death, to be risen to life in order to provide life and pay the penalty for my sin and yours to allow us to be in relationship with His Father. He even left His Spirit here on earth to live inside of us! Mind-boggling, isn't it? All for relationship with me, with you! I guess that makes us pretty special, huh?
I finally landed on Psalm 100 as I was looking through the first part of the Old Testament specifically at God's faithfulness to His promises!
Look at what we get to do in Psalm 100.
Shout triumphantly to the LORD, serve the LORD with gladness, come before Him with joyful songs, acknowledge that the LORD is God. HE MADE US AND WE ARE HIS! His people, the sheep of His pasture (what?). Think about what it means to be a sheep of His pasture: to be dependent, trusting, protected, provided for, directed, content, complete, at peace, joyful, guided, able to rest, and led. Do you see the freedom that completely trusting in the LORD brings?
Look at verse 4, we even get to enter His gates with thanksgiving! To enter His gate, now that is something to be thankful for! Because of Jesus, I can go straight to God in prayer, think about that! Into His courts with praise, what a privilege that God allows us to enter His presence and that we are allowed to worship Him! Praising His very Name! He reveals Himself by so many names right there in Genesis also. God (Elohim), Creator, Mighty God, LORD God, The God who sees, etc.
We can praise Him because He is good and His love is eternal; His faithfulness endures through all generations! Are you catching those words with me? HE IS GOOD! HIS LOVE IS ETERNAL! HIS FAITHFULNESS ENDURES THROUGH ALL GENERATIONS!!! Awesome!
Do you know how blessed you are? Do I know how blessed I am? We get to have a personal relationship with the God of the Universe! We get to shout triumphantly, praise Him personally, serve Him with gladness, thank Him and be in His very presence!!! All because of Jesus and His willingness to make a way for us! It seems kind of natural to praise Him when you look at all He did, all He is and realize just a glimpse of all He still does!
Help us to praise You! To recognize who You are, God. I thank You that, You, LORD are God! You are beyond good to me! Forgive me for taking You and all that You have done and do for me for granted so often! Thank You for Your Word and how You use it to speak to me and to reveal Your character. I praise You because You are worthy of praise! I praise You because You are in control and trustworthy. I serve You because You allow me to serve. I am Yours! Thank You for allowing me to be Yours! I praise You that Your love is eternal and Your faithfulness endures for all time! You are good! God, thank You for keeping Your promises all the time! May I place my eyes on You and look to You alone!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
A CATERPILLAR OR A BUTTERFLY?
Once again God is reminding, actually truly convincing me of my identity in Christ. Another quote from the book, Classic Christianity by Bob George, says "Sometimes it is not that our understanding of salvation is wrong; it is just too small." Our identity is in Christ, period. 2 Corinthians 5:17, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation, old things have passed away, and look new things have come. We know this right? Oh in our heads we know this, but do we LIVE THIS? I can only speak for myself, but no I often do not live this truth; I allow myself to be deceived into thinking that I 'need' to do something, that I 'know' better than to do what I did, etc.
Finally, I have surrendered enough, gotten desperate enough I suppose, to realize that I want Christ and Christ alone! My way of living, trying to please, figure out what others expect, even what God expects of me without knowing the full truth of His Word, only parts or at the very least only thinking that some of the parts apply to me. I know that sounds arrogant and truly I am realizing just how full of pride I have been and am. I have talked about it often enough, that low self-esteem is a form or pride, that insecurity is a relying upon myself and my works, but it was as if I only saw through the mirror dimly, so to speak. God is in His faithfulness, His grace and mercy just kept chipping away at my defenses, at my misconceptions, at the ways that I have adjusted to cope with life the way it has been for me, at the hard-headed stubborn pride that has kept me from enjoying the fullness of His abundant life! Praise God, He has continued to pursue me. He has never let me go, though I have pushed and prodded and tried in every way to do this life on my one, all the time thinking that I wanted His ways. Well, I did want His ways; however I wanted His ways to be my ways! Does this make sense to anyone? No more! I want His will and His way in me and when I fall back into old habits I trust Him to remind me once again!
During a sermon my pastor pointed out what should have been obvious I suppose when he said something to the effect of when you go to a funeral is there any life in the body of the one who passed? Do you expect the person to get up and live life again? No! That person is dead. Dead means no life! None at all! I truly got it that first time, the reality that IN CHRIST, THE OLD TAMMY HAS PASSED AWAY, SHE DIED! To try to live life in the old ways, the ways that I would have before Christ, in intense fear, constantly sure I did something wrong or that if anything went wrong I must have caused it, afraid of the dark, convinced I was bad or unable to measure up to a standard that was in front of me, or at the very least one that I perceived was there. I have believed partial truths for years! Why??? Well, it goes back to the fact that I haven't 'eaten God's Word' and allowed it to be the determining factor of what I think about and believe!
This is huge! Get this with me! I can do nothing without Christ! I am nothing without Christ! My righteous acts are as filthy rags! I have been reconciled with God through the blood of Christ and His death on the cross (Col. 1:20) to 'present me holy, faultless, and blameless before God' (vs. 22) Why? 'To make known the glorious wealth of Christ in me, the Hope of Glory!' (vs. 27) Me, people! You! do you see how huge this is! This is the victorious life we have been wanting to live! Mine all along and yet I have spent so much time sure that I needed to do more; oh I had the right answers in my head but in my heart I was convinced that I should do better, after all I know Christ and He has saved me, that much I knew! What I didn't grasp was the ability we have to walk daily in the LIFE OF CHRIST! Nothing is about me! Believe me this is a battle that apparently I am going to fight for years if not my lifetime, however the more I get into His Word and BELIEVE AND TRUST THE TRUTH OF IT, OF GOD that more I walk in the victory, in the fullness of LIFE THAT CHRIST HAS FOR ME!!!
In Classic Christianity, Bob George says, "Salvation is our being made into a new creation, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. We were once sinners, but through spiritual birth God has transformed us into saints. We have a brand-new identity. We may do sinful things, but we will never be sinners again--just like the butterfly may crawl around with the worms, but it will never be a worm again." THIS HAS BEEN ME!!! I HAVE KNOWN I HAVE BEEN A BUTTERFLY (NEW IN CHRIST) FOR YEARS, TRULY KNOWN, CHANGED; HOWEVER I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO LIVE LIKE A WORM!!! N O M O R E ! ! !
Randomly enough, as I was taking a walk through the woods one day this summer I saw this butterfly. Well I had been praying as I walked a long and I walked up on this butterfly. Instead of flying far a way it kept fluttering around by me, even landing to where I could get close several times for a picture. Then as I walked on it was like this butterfly was going on the walk with me! For a few hundred yards it kept being right there with me! Isn't it beautiful?
Finally, I have surrendered enough, gotten desperate enough I suppose, to realize that I want Christ and Christ alone! My way of living, trying to please, figure out what others expect, even what God expects of me without knowing the full truth of His Word, only parts or at the very least only thinking that some of the parts apply to me. I know that sounds arrogant and truly I am realizing just how full of pride I have been and am. I have talked about it often enough, that low self-esteem is a form or pride, that insecurity is a relying upon myself and my works, but it was as if I only saw through the mirror dimly, so to speak. God is in His faithfulness, His grace and mercy just kept chipping away at my defenses, at my misconceptions, at the ways that I have adjusted to cope with life the way it has been for me, at the hard-headed stubborn pride that has kept me from enjoying the fullness of His abundant life! Praise God, He has continued to pursue me. He has never let me go, though I have pushed and prodded and tried in every way to do this life on my one, all the time thinking that I wanted His ways. Well, I did want His ways; however I wanted His ways to be my ways! Does this make sense to anyone? No more! I want His will and His way in me and when I fall back into old habits I trust Him to remind me once again!
During a sermon my pastor pointed out what should have been obvious I suppose when he said something to the effect of when you go to a funeral is there any life in the body of the one who passed? Do you expect the person to get up and live life again? No! That person is dead. Dead means no life! None at all! I truly got it that first time, the reality that IN CHRIST, THE OLD TAMMY HAS PASSED AWAY, SHE DIED! To try to live life in the old ways, the ways that I would have before Christ, in intense fear, constantly sure I did something wrong or that if anything went wrong I must have caused it, afraid of the dark, convinced I was bad or unable to measure up to a standard that was in front of me, or at the very least one that I perceived was there. I have believed partial truths for years! Why??? Well, it goes back to the fact that I haven't 'eaten God's Word' and allowed it to be the determining factor of what I think about and believe!
This is huge! Get this with me! I can do nothing without Christ! I am nothing without Christ! My righteous acts are as filthy rags! I have been reconciled with God through the blood of Christ and His death on the cross (Col. 1:20) to 'present me holy, faultless, and blameless before God' (vs. 22) Why? 'To make known the glorious wealth of Christ in me, the Hope of Glory!' (vs. 27) Me, people! You! do you see how huge this is! This is the victorious life we have been wanting to live! Mine all along and yet I have spent so much time sure that I needed to do more; oh I had the right answers in my head but in my heart I was convinced that I should do better, after all I know Christ and He has saved me, that much I knew! What I didn't grasp was the ability we have to walk daily in the LIFE OF CHRIST! Nothing is about me! Believe me this is a battle that apparently I am going to fight for years if not my lifetime, however the more I get into His Word and BELIEVE AND TRUST THE TRUTH OF IT, OF GOD that more I walk in the victory, in the fullness of LIFE THAT CHRIST HAS FOR ME!!!
In Classic Christianity, Bob George says, "Salvation is our being made into a new creation, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. We were once sinners, but through spiritual birth God has transformed us into saints. We have a brand-new identity. We may do sinful things, but we will never be sinners again--just like the butterfly may crawl around with the worms, but it will never be a worm again." THIS HAS BEEN ME!!! I HAVE KNOWN I HAVE BEEN A BUTTERFLY (NEW IN CHRIST) FOR YEARS, TRULY KNOWN, CHANGED; HOWEVER I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO LIVE LIKE A WORM!!! N O M O R E ! ! !
Randomly enough, as I was taking a walk through the woods one day this summer I saw this butterfly. Well I had been praying as I walked a long and I walked up on this butterfly. Instead of flying far a way it kept fluttering around by me, even landing to where I could get close several times for a picture. Then as I walked on it was like this butterfly was going on the walk with me! For a few hundred yards it kept being right there with me! Isn't it beautiful?
I truly felt in that moment as if God was telling me, Tammy, you are new, you are beautiful and you can fly freely with me. Trust me! It would take too many words to share the intensity of that moment for me, but I know that this Journey His Way is one that is meant to be walked in the complete abandon, trusting that He is in control and that He has me no matter what! I am so grateful that He loves me so much that He is willing to continually remind me of this because so often I slip back into the old habits, of thinking I don't measure up, that I am not good enough, that I am stupid and ugly or that I should just get over myself and straighten up! This isn't something special just for me! You can walk in this freedom to; the catch is that no one else can do it for you! No one else can 'fix' you, 'convince' you and or 'transform' you other that Christ Himself and you have to get to the place that you are truly willing to submit and surrender to Him! Ask Him for the strength and courage to surrender He will even provide that! Remember we can do nothing without Him! He provides everything we need even beyond what we can grasp! I want HIM! ALL OF HIM! Do you? Will you allow Him to have His way in you? Trust me it is a moment by moment process, it can hurt like crazy, but OH THE JOY, THE PEACE, THE FREEDOM, THE HOPE surpasses anything I have ever known! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
Father God, thank You for providing Jesus so that I am 'no longer darkness, but now I am light in the Lord' (Eph. 5:8) and that I can 'walk as a child of Light'! Thank You that I am a butterfly, a new creation. Forgive me, Lord, for spending so much time trying to be a worm again! For living as if being a worm is the reality rather than a butterfly! I praise You, Jesus, for it is Your Work on the cross, the shedding of Your blood, the death of Your body and the fact that You rose from the dead for me that allows me to live this life as Your child! I am Yours! Please God so many of us struggle with this life, with depression, anxiety, fear, worry, etc... may we have Your strength and Your wisdom to exchange the lies for YOUR TRUTH! Open the eyes of our understanding, Lord! Thank You that You brought salvation and reconciled us to Your Father, to our Father! Jesus, help us, give us (James 4:6-7) grace to be humble, to submit to You, God, and resist the enemy. You promise that he has to flee when we do. Help us to determine to draw near to You, God, for in Your gracious love and goodness You say You will draw near to us! You do, I know this because I know You!!!
It is our choice. What is your choice going to be?
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever!
Psalm 73:26;28, My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART, MY PORTION FOREVER. But as for me, GOD'S PRESENCE IS MY GOOD. I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, so I can tell about all You do!
I am weary today, sad; however this emotion is not the truth it is simply an emotion that feels like the truth. My flesh and my heart does fail me, particularly in my emotions; however I declare, I chose that God is the strength of my heart! He is my portion forever and His presence is my good! I chose this moment to make the Lord GOD my refuge once again! Thank You, Lord GOD for the truth of Your Word, that stands regardless of circumstances, emotions and what others do and don't do
(John 1:1).
I wait for the LORD; I wait, and put my hope in His Word, Psalm 130:5
I am choosing to get in to His Word and put my hope, my confident expectation, there. Things around us are tough, people we know are sick and hurting, and we each face our own issues and battles daily, but we are not alone! He is at work; He promises (1 Cor. 12:6; Ro. 8:28) I am so grateful that what I see and feel is not all there is to this life! Hebrews 11:1, Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.
Father God, I say to You, 'increase my faith', Luke 17:5. Forgive for giving in to the feelings of fear, hurt, sadness and help me to set my mind on You, Col. 3:2. I agree with the psalmist who states, 'why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God' Ps. 42:5. I do not know why this sadness is so heavy today and so hard to get out from under! Forgive me for my part in it, for being so hard-headed and difficult. For focusing on the feelings and not on praising You. I place myself, again, in Your hands and I trust that You will bring about what You need to in me and through me. I know, I trust and I believe that You, 'LORD, will send Your faithful love by day; that Your song will be with me in the night, that You are the God of my life' (Ps. 42:8); that You are life! I know this and I know that what ever You want to show me You will in Your time. You are my refuge and I am grateful. Forgive me for the feelings of ingratitude and the complaints, help me to release them all to You and really let go. I can stand on the joy that is deep within me! The joy that is You and Your Spirit. Trusting that You are at work and You are fighting my battles for me. I am so struggling with this be still business, God. Help me to be still, truly be still and know that You are God. Thank You that now that I have had a taste of it, that when it is not happening I grieve and long for it, for You.
Jeremiah 17:7-8, Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence indeed is the LORD. He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn't fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit.
I am blessed God because I do trust in You! My confidence, my hopeful expectation, indeed is YOU, LORD! I so want to be like that tree planted by water, setting my mind on You, seeking You and the life-giving stream of Your Word. The heat keeps coming, in the version of sadness, disappointment, hurt, misuse, misunderstanding and a questioning of myself and yet like the tree I need not fear! I can be healthy emotionally, no matter what others think, say or expect, my choices are from You and my health and strength is from You. I want to be healthy as the tree planted by water with green foliage and that produces fruit. Please Father, use me in spite of me. Help me to produce the Fruit of Your Spirit because You are at work in me and help me to get out of the way. May I let go of these unrealistic expectations for myself and not worry, but rest in You. Like the tree, may I just continually seek Your stream, Your life giving Word and have no fear or worry about how things appear, how they look on the outside, but allow myself to enjoy the peace that You provide on the inside, the hope that comes only from You and the abundant life that You have for me. I declare that You are able to do more than I can even think or imagine and I trust You even in the midst of this pain, Eph. 3:20.
Psalm 40:1-5, I waited patiently for the LORD, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help. He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. How happy is the man who has put his trust in the LORD and has not turned to the proud or to those who run after lies! LORD, my God, You have done many things-Your wonderful works and Your plans for us; none can compare with You. If I were to report and speak of them, they are more than can be told.
Thank You, God for the truth of Your Word, the hope therein and the way You speak to my heart through it. I am thankful that regardless of how I feel You are truth, You are constant and You are unchanging! Your faithfulness is GREAT! (Lam. 3:21-26). I will praise You because You are worthy to be praised! (2 Sam. 22:4-7).
I am weary today, sad; however this emotion is not the truth it is simply an emotion that feels like the truth. My flesh and my heart does fail me, particularly in my emotions; however I declare, I chose that God is the strength of my heart! He is my portion forever and His presence is my good! I chose this moment to make the Lord GOD my refuge once again! Thank You, Lord GOD for the truth of Your Word, that stands regardless of circumstances, emotions and what others do and don't do
(John 1:1).
I wait for the LORD; I wait, and put my hope in His Word, Psalm 130:5
I am choosing to get in to His Word and put my hope, my confident expectation, there. Things around us are tough, people we know are sick and hurting, and we each face our own issues and battles daily, but we are not alone! He is at work; He promises (1 Cor. 12:6; Ro. 8:28) I am so grateful that what I see and feel is not all there is to this life! Hebrews 11:1, Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.
Father God, I say to You, 'increase my faith', Luke 17:5. Forgive for giving in to the feelings of fear, hurt, sadness and help me to set my mind on You, Col. 3:2. I agree with the psalmist who states, 'why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God' Ps. 42:5. I do not know why this sadness is so heavy today and so hard to get out from under! Forgive me for my part in it, for being so hard-headed and difficult. For focusing on the feelings and not on praising You. I place myself, again, in Your hands and I trust that You will bring about what You need to in me and through me. I know, I trust and I believe that You, 'LORD, will send Your faithful love by day; that Your song will be with me in the night, that You are the God of my life' (Ps. 42:8); that You are life! I know this and I know that what ever You want to show me You will in Your time. You are my refuge and I am grateful. Forgive me for the feelings of ingratitude and the complaints, help me to release them all to You and really let go. I can stand on the joy that is deep within me! The joy that is You and Your Spirit. Trusting that You are at work and You are fighting my battles for me. I am so struggling with this be still business, God. Help me to be still, truly be still and know that You are God. Thank You that now that I have had a taste of it, that when it is not happening I grieve and long for it, for You.
Jeremiah 17:7-8, Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence indeed is the LORD. He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn't fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit.
I am blessed God because I do trust in You! My confidence, my hopeful expectation, indeed is YOU, LORD! I so want to be like that tree planted by water, setting my mind on You, seeking You and the life-giving stream of Your Word. The heat keeps coming, in the version of sadness, disappointment, hurt, misuse, misunderstanding and a questioning of myself and yet like the tree I need not fear! I can be healthy emotionally, no matter what others think, say or expect, my choices are from You and my health and strength is from You. I want to be healthy as the tree planted by water with green foliage and that produces fruit. Please Father, use me in spite of me. Help me to produce the Fruit of Your Spirit because You are at work in me and help me to get out of the way. May I let go of these unrealistic expectations for myself and not worry, but rest in You. Like the tree, may I just continually seek Your stream, Your life giving Word and have no fear or worry about how things appear, how they look on the outside, but allow myself to enjoy the peace that You provide on the inside, the hope that comes only from You and the abundant life that You have for me. I declare that You are able to do more than I can even think or imagine and I trust You even in the midst of this pain, Eph. 3:20.
Psalm 40:1-5, I waited patiently for the LORD, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help. He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. How happy is the man who has put his trust in the LORD and has not turned to the proud or to those who run after lies! LORD, my God, You have done many things-Your wonderful works and Your plans for us; none can compare with You. If I were to report and speak of them, they are more than can be told.
Thank You, God for the truth of Your Word, the hope therein and the way You speak to my heart through it. I am thankful that regardless of how I feel You are truth, You are constant and You are unchanging! Your faithfulness is GREAT! (Lam. 3:21-26). I will praise You because You are worthy to be praised! (2 Sam. 22:4-7).
Monday, December 9, 2013
My Friend
You ever have one of those days when you think you will go ahead and do the things on your 'list' and then somehow time just gets a way and you don't do the thing that was most important? That is my day. I thought I would sit down with the Lord this afternoon and instead I have gotten frazzled. Now, I know better, but alas I did it anyway. I don't rush well. I am pretty deliberate and more methodical than I even realized. Although my day normally involves a lot of early morning sitting on the couch contemplating and praying (not to mention trying to wake up!) and reading today I fell back asleep for a bit and then had errands that needed to be run. I still have a couple things on my list of have to's and I am running out of time before I have to be done! I know though that for me and who I am I must sit down for a few minutes and get my head on straight or stress will build for the rest of the day. So, here I am.
I am truly thankful to have realized this about myself! Finally I am paying attention to what is important to me and how I am wired. God is using this time of eye opening in a huge way in my life. I have so much to learn but I am so thankful for all He is doing in me! I have joy, peace and an enthusiasm for life that I haven't for a long time. Unfortunately, I spent an awfully long time trying to do things myself, kind of like I did today. For me, I know that I must sit and soak with the Lord for a bit because it takes Him a while to get my attention and when I don't do this I find myself just busy and not able to see Him as clearly as I would otherwise.
Psalm 9:1 I will give thanks to You, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds.
I find that I need to sit here a moment, catch my breath and visit with my Lord. I am trying to learn to recognize Him as that Friend that is just always there, ready to talk, ready to listen. Ready with a hug, a Word of encouragement, advice and correction. He is that kind of Friend, did you know that? His Word says in Isaiah 30:18 that the LORD is waiting to show you mercy, to show you compassion, for the LORD is a just God. Happy are all who wait patiently for Him (HCSB).
Look at it in the NASB version, the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are are those who long for Him. Do you see it? He LONGS, He is passionate about you; about me! He longs to be gracious to me and show me compassion, He is waiting to show me mercy! Wow! Think about that!
Do you ever long to be noticed? Long to be important to someone? YOU ARE!!! I AM!!!! We are so important to the LORD that He longs to show us Himself even more than we can long for that attention or to be special. We spend so much time wanting to connect with those in our lives and yet we miss that ONE PERSON who is always there, always available and always willing to meet with us. He is with us all the time! Psalm 147:11 says that the LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. We rush around in our days and miss spending time with Him, really focused on Him and He on us! I am not suggesting that we sit all the time, that we are not busy, but I am suggesting that if we are too busy to sit down with the Lord and really connect with Him then we are too busy! My day is just so much better when I am aware of Him! Remember He is always there! He is a gentleman though and He waits for us, He longs to show us His ways throughout our day, not just during 'special' moments! Do we realize that He is with us all the time? Really realize it? All the time! We do not have to wait until church on Sunday or Bible study with whoever, but we can be aware of Him all through out our day! Moment by moment, after all He left His Holy Spirit to live within us! What a gift!!! Yet much of our time is spent ignoring Him, deliberately disobeying Him, just being apathetic toward Him and we are missing out! We are missing out on an intimate relationship with the One who created us, the One who knows us best and still loves us!
Oh God, forgive me for allowing the things that I think I need to accomplish and do to come before You in my mind and heart today. Thank You for getting my attention! In Your graciousness revealing Yourself to me even as I did the errands first today. I was aware of You, but I know I missed out on the opportunity for You to show me Your mercy and grace as I allowed myself to get busy and frazzled rather than seek You first! Thank You for revealing Yourself to me, for allowing me to still experience the joy that only You can bring; that peace that passes understanding! Thank You for Your faithfulness! May I chose to put my hope in You and in Your unfailing love. May I wait patiently for You to act instead of charging in where You haven't led! Thank You for settling me down, even though the busyness of my day is still far from over I am resting in You! I am trusting You! I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds! You are a friend like no other! Thank You, LORD!
I am truly thankful to have realized this about myself! Finally I am paying attention to what is important to me and how I am wired. God is using this time of eye opening in a huge way in my life. I have so much to learn but I am so thankful for all He is doing in me! I have joy, peace and an enthusiasm for life that I haven't for a long time. Unfortunately, I spent an awfully long time trying to do things myself, kind of like I did today. For me, I know that I must sit and soak with the Lord for a bit because it takes Him a while to get my attention and when I don't do this I find myself just busy and not able to see Him as clearly as I would otherwise.
Psalm 9:1 I will give thanks to You, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds.
I find that I need to sit here a moment, catch my breath and visit with my Lord. I am trying to learn to recognize Him as that Friend that is just always there, ready to talk, ready to listen. Ready with a hug, a Word of encouragement, advice and correction. He is that kind of Friend, did you know that? His Word says in Isaiah 30:18 that the LORD is waiting to show you mercy, to show you compassion, for the LORD is a just God. Happy are all who wait patiently for Him (HCSB).
Look at it in the NASB version, the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are are those who long for Him. Do you see it? He LONGS, He is passionate about you; about me! He longs to be gracious to me and show me compassion, He is waiting to show me mercy! Wow! Think about that!
Do you ever long to be noticed? Long to be important to someone? YOU ARE!!! I AM!!!! We are so important to the LORD that He longs to show us Himself even more than we can long for that attention or to be special. We spend so much time wanting to connect with those in our lives and yet we miss that ONE PERSON who is always there, always available and always willing to meet with us. He is with us all the time! Psalm 147:11 says that the LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. We rush around in our days and miss spending time with Him, really focused on Him and He on us! I am not suggesting that we sit all the time, that we are not busy, but I am suggesting that if we are too busy to sit down with the Lord and really connect with Him then we are too busy! My day is just so much better when I am aware of Him! Remember He is always there! He is a gentleman though and He waits for us, He longs to show us His ways throughout our day, not just during 'special' moments! Do we realize that He is with us all the time? Really realize it? All the time! We do not have to wait until church on Sunday or Bible study with whoever, but we can be aware of Him all through out our day! Moment by moment, after all He left His Holy Spirit to live within us! What a gift!!! Yet much of our time is spent ignoring Him, deliberately disobeying Him, just being apathetic toward Him and we are missing out! We are missing out on an intimate relationship with the One who created us, the One who knows us best and still loves us!
Oh God, forgive me for allowing the things that I think I need to accomplish and do to come before You in my mind and heart today. Thank You for getting my attention! In Your graciousness revealing Yourself to me even as I did the errands first today. I was aware of You, but I know I missed out on the opportunity for You to show me Your mercy and grace as I allowed myself to get busy and frazzled rather than seek You first! Thank You for revealing Yourself to me, for allowing me to still experience the joy that only You can bring; that peace that passes understanding! Thank You for Your faithfulness! May I chose to put my hope in You and in Your unfailing love. May I wait patiently for You to act instead of charging in where You haven't led! Thank You for settling me down, even though the busyness of my day is still far from over I am resting in You! I am trusting You! I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds! You are a friend like no other! Thank You, LORD!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Confessions of a semi-professional 'Scrooge'
I just feel like writing today. I am sort of feeling melancholy with the weight of memories and the fact that my kids are now young adults. I find myself trying to talk myself into the same old thinking pattern where I should be like other people rather than like myself. Fortunately God is stopping me in my tracks and reassuring me that I am fine just the way I am. So here's the thing that triggers it. I don't really like holidays. The hoopla and the busyness that surrounds Christmas is on my mind right now. I do not like traditional Christmas music at all. I can handle a one time listen of The Little Drummer Boy and some of the other 'fun' songs but to just sing the same old carols every year just because we always have is not satisfying at all. I know, I know. Can we just do something different? I mean who makes all the rules anyway???
I enjoy things differently than other people. So does Mark, so I guess that works out well, huh? We don't do much decorating. In fact the years that we could, we got away with no decorations!!! (Because we were going on mission trips during the Christmas season.) Now, I put out my wooden tree, in the corner of the living room underneath the glass ornaments that hang there all year round. The nativity and our stockings. That's it. We, all five of us, are happy; however it certainly does distress some of our friends ;)
So in thinking about Christmas and how really and truly I do not get very excited about it at all. I am certainly thankful for Jesus and His birth, no question, but to celebrate as everyone else does just kind of escapes me. I love seeing the decorations others put up, hearing about their traditions and knowing they are experiencing joy. I love to make things for others, simple little gifts, but to go out an buy presents for those of us who already have more than we need just because we are supposed to doesn't work for me very well. I don't like to buy presents unless I know it is something that someone will really, really like. I do not like exchanging money just because we don't know what to get. I mean what is wrong with just sharing a hug and saying Merry Christmas or just being glad to see someone? Why does it have to look a certain way and then that certain way is different for each and every person? We like to get something for someone when we find something that reminds us of them and give it to them then! Haven't we always been told that it is the thought that counts. Yeah, well how does that really work out for you? We say so many things that we don't really mean, don't we?
In talking to my girls this morning I asked them if they felt like they were getting 'cheated' out of Christmas, or if there was anything that they missed that they wanted me to decorate with or whatever. Nothing, they don't like to mess with it any more than I do. One of them made what I thought was a very sweet statement. Basically she said she likes how we just have random people over during the Christmas season or on Christmas Day, actually any holiday or occasion. We enjoy people. Relationships matter to us, but the funny thing is I am like the least 'hostess-y' that anyone could be. I just don't think of things like others do. I am really good at hanging out though ;-) I am better at the spontaneous, hey let's do this or have someone over rather than the planning. If I plan something I tend to dread it. Yep, it's frustrating, but true. She also said she likes how our family has always been about missions, about doing something for or in the community. This made me smile. We are not some super spiritual people over at our house, actually we are almost too practical for our own good, but we just like the people part of the holiday rather than the particular thing that we do.
I guess I am saying all of this because, I overthink and I sit here and wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me, I mean why do I not enjoy the holidays more? Why do I just feel like it is just another day and each day should be a celebration so to speak? I don't feel any different because of a date on a calendar, never have. I actually feel awkward because I don't feel any thing special. I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because it is a holiday. Today I am particularly sad because I have realized that even as random and spontaneous as we have always been my kids are big now and things are just different. I am missing some of our 'traditions' or at least the things that we tried to do, missing some years in there - I am ADHD remember, nothing ever stays the same, that's boring!
So I am going down memory lane for a minute. I love how we always used to get a new book (like the Punchinello books by Max Lucado) on Christmas Eve and read it as a family, or an audiobook, it then progressed to a new movie, then Netflix, and now without Netflix I have no idea what will this year bring. I have always attempted to have us save all the Christmas Cards and beginning on the day after Christmas we pray for each person who sent us a Christmas card a meal at a time until we run out of cards. We are so sporadic in everything we do, that I now end up praying for the people myself because we rarely sit down at a meal all together and definitely not at a table! We have whoever in the family who is in town to our house on Christmas Day for a pot luck and whoever else needs a place to go or wants to come by. We have played cards through the years, watched movies, done puzzles and, of course, shared presents. We like to take a drive and look at Christmas lights, but even that gets kind of old. If it snows we love to take a night time snow hike. One of our best family Christmas outing was going to Glass Works and blowing ornaments! We like do the fun things when they come up but we are not sad if we haven't thought of something to do. I think as a family we have sort of figured out how to just be, which is a good thing.
I don't know but all of the 'holiday' supposed to's feel kind of empty to me. I mean, yes, I have some good memories but really nothing that I just must do. I am hoping to get together with different friends and enjoy them, but I like to do that anytime. I don't see that 'celebrating' Christmas causes anything much other than stress and grief. Yep, it's certifiable, I am Mrs. Scrooge. I don't get it, I don't know why; I just know that I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because I am now supposed to get excited over doing things that really I would just as soon not do. At this point you are probably feeling sorry for my kids, but truly they seem to be fine. They just go with the flow, they don't appear to be melancholy at all they just take what comes and do what is important to them.
So what am I trying to say? I don't know, lol! Just that I do not 'feel' Christmassy and really what is that supposed to feel like? I am not unhappy, I am not sad (other than realizing that my kids are big, and most of the time that just makes me glad because I have enjoyed the journey), and I am wondering why I am even letting the fact that I am apparently different than most people get to me today!
I celebrate Jesus, His mercy, grace, faithfulness and love daily! I do, just saying. As a family we just look forward to each day, whatever it brings, perhaps we are simplistic but I prefer to think that we really are just low maintenance and easy to please. So there you go, I guess you may want to add us to your prayer list! :-))) Regardless, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and that your celebration will be all about Jesus; however that looks for you!
I enjoy things differently than other people. So does Mark, so I guess that works out well, huh? We don't do much decorating. In fact the years that we could, we got away with no decorations!!! (Because we were going on mission trips during the Christmas season.) Now, I put out my wooden tree, in the corner of the living room underneath the glass ornaments that hang there all year round. The nativity and our stockings. That's it. We, all five of us, are happy; however it certainly does distress some of our friends ;)
So in thinking about Christmas and how really and truly I do not get very excited about it at all. I am certainly thankful for Jesus and His birth, no question, but to celebrate as everyone else does just kind of escapes me. I love seeing the decorations others put up, hearing about their traditions and knowing they are experiencing joy. I love to make things for others, simple little gifts, but to go out an buy presents for those of us who already have more than we need just because we are supposed to doesn't work for me very well. I don't like to buy presents unless I know it is something that someone will really, really like. I do not like exchanging money just because we don't know what to get. I mean what is wrong with just sharing a hug and saying Merry Christmas or just being glad to see someone? Why does it have to look a certain way and then that certain way is different for each and every person? We like to get something for someone when we find something that reminds us of them and give it to them then! Haven't we always been told that it is the thought that counts. Yeah, well how does that really work out for you? We say so many things that we don't really mean, don't we?
In talking to my girls this morning I asked them if they felt like they were getting 'cheated' out of Christmas, or if there was anything that they missed that they wanted me to decorate with or whatever. Nothing, they don't like to mess with it any more than I do. One of them made what I thought was a very sweet statement. Basically she said she likes how we just have random people over during the Christmas season or on Christmas Day, actually any holiday or occasion. We enjoy people. Relationships matter to us, but the funny thing is I am like the least 'hostess-y' that anyone could be. I just don't think of things like others do. I am really good at hanging out though ;-) I am better at the spontaneous, hey let's do this or have someone over rather than the planning. If I plan something I tend to dread it. Yep, it's frustrating, but true. She also said she likes how our family has always been about missions, about doing something for or in the community. This made me smile. We are not some super spiritual people over at our house, actually we are almost too practical for our own good, but we just like the people part of the holiday rather than the particular thing that we do.
I guess I am saying all of this because, I overthink and I sit here and wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with me, I mean why do I not enjoy the holidays more? Why do I just feel like it is just another day and each day should be a celebration so to speak? I don't feel any different because of a date on a calendar, never have. I actually feel awkward because I don't feel any thing special. I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because it is a holiday. Today I am particularly sad because I have realized that even as random and spontaneous as we have always been my kids are big now and things are just different. I am missing some of our 'traditions' or at least the things that we tried to do, missing some years in there - I am ADHD remember, nothing ever stays the same, that's boring!
So I am going down memory lane for a minute. I love how we always used to get a new book (like the Punchinello books by Max Lucado) on Christmas Eve and read it as a family, or an audiobook, it then progressed to a new movie, then Netflix, and now without Netflix I have no idea what will this year bring. I have always attempted to have us save all the Christmas Cards and beginning on the day after Christmas we pray for each person who sent us a Christmas card a meal at a time until we run out of cards. We are so sporadic in everything we do, that I now end up praying for the people myself because we rarely sit down at a meal all together and definitely not at a table! We have whoever in the family who is in town to our house on Christmas Day for a pot luck and whoever else needs a place to go or wants to come by. We have played cards through the years, watched movies, done puzzles and, of course, shared presents. We like to take a drive and look at Christmas lights, but even that gets kind of old. If it snows we love to take a night time snow hike. One of our best family Christmas outing was going to Glass Works and blowing ornaments! We like do the fun things when they come up but we are not sad if we haven't thought of something to do. I think as a family we have sort of figured out how to just be, which is a good thing.
I don't know but all of the 'holiday' supposed to's feel kind of empty to me. I mean, yes, I have some good memories but really nothing that I just must do. I am hoping to get together with different friends and enjoy them, but I like to do that anytime. I don't see that 'celebrating' Christmas causes anything much other than stress and grief. Yep, it's certifiable, I am Mrs. Scrooge. I don't get it, I don't know why; I just know that I do not get all warm and fuzzy just because I am now supposed to get excited over doing things that really I would just as soon not do. At this point you are probably feeling sorry for my kids, but truly they seem to be fine. They just go with the flow, they don't appear to be melancholy at all they just take what comes and do what is important to them.
So what am I trying to say? I don't know, lol! Just that I do not 'feel' Christmassy and really what is that supposed to feel like? I am not unhappy, I am not sad (other than realizing that my kids are big, and most of the time that just makes me glad because I have enjoyed the journey), and I am wondering why I am even letting the fact that I am apparently different than most people get to me today!
I celebrate Jesus, His mercy, grace, faithfulness and love daily! I do, just saying. As a family we just look forward to each day, whatever it brings, perhaps we are simplistic but I prefer to think that we really are just low maintenance and easy to please. So there you go, I guess you may want to add us to your prayer list! :-))) Regardless, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and that your celebration will be all about Jesus; however that looks for you!
Saturday, December 7, 2013
To You, Jesus, be the glory forever!
Like many of you I have been struck once again by the beauty of the snow. The pristine whiteness and the way it makes everything so bright, even the night! On the flip side how it causes everything to slow down, to cease even. I love that part of the snow. The 'forced' rest so to speak. You don't have to force me to stay in, I like it! These thoughts have led me to the book of Job. To the Sovereignty of God. Such peace and joy in realizing that God really is in control, therein lies true rest, with Him, in trusting and knowing Him and being known by Him!
In looking at Job 38. It says the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind, whoa, I mean think of that! See the power and sovereignty of God in these verses. Place yourself in them.
4) Where were (you) when I (The LORD) established the earth? Tell Me, if (you) have
understanding,
5) Who fixed its dimensions? Certainly (you) know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6) What supports its foundations? Or Who laid its cornerstone
7) while the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God (angels) shouted for joy?
8) Who enclosed the sea behind doors when it burst from the womb,
9) when I made the clouds its garment and thick darkness its blanket,
10) when I determined its boundaries and our its bars and doors in place,
11) when I declared: 'You may come this far, but no farther; your proud waves stop here'?
22) HAVE YOU ENTERED THE PLACE WHERE THE SNOW IS STORED?
Obviously verse 22 is where I got started as I was thinking, yesterday, about how the weather changed throughout the night and day. Watching out the window as it rained, then turned to ice and eventually these great huge snowflakes and then changed again multiple times I thought how cool it is that God shows such beauty in His creation. The conversation came up about how different, how unique each snowflake is and in turn that 'He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them' (Ps. 147:4), how His thoughts are so difficult to understand that if they were counted they would number the grains of sand (Ps. 139:17-18) and ultimately how different each person is. At our house the conversation was about how different even 'identical' twins are. God created our inward parts, He knit us together in our mother's womb; therefore we have been remarkably and wonderfully made (Ps 139:13-14). God is so amazing isn't He? Do you realize you have been remarkably and wonderfully made by the God of the universe?! Wow!!!
Makes me realize how small I really am. Valuable to God, yes, but in the big scheme of things thinking on Him and His greatness puts things into perspective for me.
Creator God, thank You for Your wonderful creativity! The beauty of Your creation and Your created. Thank You for Your strength and by Your sovereignty that You are in full control all the time! Psalm 147:5 says 'Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.' Thank You, Lord, such assurance, such hope this brings when I let myself fully rely on You! Romans 11:33, 'Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!' Praise Your Holy Name! Thank You for Your provision in every way, beyond my comprehension. Thank You that regardless of circumstances You are unchanging! James 1:17 states that 'Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning!' What an awesome truth and vivid picture You present. Never darkness, never a shadow cast by You! You are light, Jesus! John 8:12, by Your very own words Jesus, You said, "I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life." Life! Thank You for all You are teaching me, Lord, about life in You and what that means for my daily living. That because of Your death on the cross, Jesus, and the fact that You were raised to life again I am no longer dead in my trespasses and sins, I have life! That salvation is not just something You did for me, it is actually You, Jesus Christ, living in me! Because You live in me 2 Peter 1:3 says, Your divine power, Jesus, has given me everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of You! You who call me by Your own glory and goodness! I do not have to continue to live a defeated life bemoaning my faults, failings, sins and beating myself up. I can rest in the assurance that You died once for all my sins and made me, through Yourself, the righteousness of God the Father through Your overflow of grace (Romans 5:17)! What an awesome truth and an incredible phrase, 'the overflow of grace' is, God! I know the overflow of Your grace, I am experiencing it like never before and I am so grateful! Thank You, Jesus! Forgive me for not completely trusting what You did for me on the cross, for so many years living as though I still needed to confess better somehow, or be more sorry, straighten myself up before I was acceptable to You, really loved by You. Such lies and bondage I have lived in, thank You for rescuing me! Thank You for growing me moment by moment through out my life and for opening my eyes so clearly lately! For showing me that I can 'make every effort to supplement my faith with goodness... knowledge... self-control... endurance... godliness... brotherly affection... and love' 2 Peter 1:5-7. That these qualities are mine and they are increasing, keeping me from being useless and unfruitful in the knowledge of You, Jesus (2 Pe. 1:8). You alone, Jesus, offered Yourself as the One and Only sacrifice so that I would no longer be under the law! Help me to stop falling into the trap of trying to live according to the law! In You, alone, Jesus, I have redemption through Your blood, the forgiveness of my trespasses and sins, according to the riches of Your grace, Your glorious grace that You have lavished on me with all wisdom and understanding (Ephesians 1:7-8)! ME! God You are so worthy of all my praise! All the glory! 'From You and through You and to You are all things! To You, Jesus, be the glory forever. AMEN!' (Romans 11:36)
In looking at Job 38. It says the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind, whoa, I mean think of that! See the power and sovereignty of God in these verses. Place yourself in them.
4) Where were (you) when I (The LORD) established the earth? Tell Me, if (you) have
understanding,
5) Who fixed its dimensions? Certainly (you) know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6) What supports its foundations? Or Who laid its cornerstone
7) while the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God (angels) shouted for joy?
8) Who enclosed the sea behind doors when it burst from the womb,
9) when I made the clouds its garment and thick darkness its blanket,
10) when I determined its boundaries and our its bars and doors in place,
11) when I declared: 'You may come this far, but no farther; your proud waves stop here'?
22) HAVE YOU ENTERED THE PLACE WHERE THE SNOW IS STORED?
Obviously verse 22 is where I got started as I was thinking, yesterday, about how the weather changed throughout the night and day. Watching out the window as it rained, then turned to ice and eventually these great huge snowflakes and then changed again multiple times I thought how cool it is that God shows such beauty in His creation. The conversation came up about how different, how unique each snowflake is and in turn that 'He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them' (Ps. 147:4), how His thoughts are so difficult to understand that if they were counted they would number the grains of sand (Ps. 139:17-18) and ultimately how different each person is. At our house the conversation was about how different even 'identical' twins are. God created our inward parts, He knit us together in our mother's womb; therefore we have been remarkably and wonderfully made (Ps 139:13-14). God is so amazing isn't He? Do you realize you have been remarkably and wonderfully made by the God of the universe?! Wow!!!
Makes me realize how small I really am. Valuable to God, yes, but in the big scheme of things thinking on Him and His greatness puts things into perspective for me.
Creator God, thank You for Your wonderful creativity! The beauty of Your creation and Your created. Thank You for Your strength and by Your sovereignty that You are in full control all the time! Psalm 147:5 says 'Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.' Thank You, Lord, such assurance, such hope this brings when I let myself fully rely on You! Romans 11:33, 'Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!' Praise Your Holy Name! Thank You for Your provision in every way, beyond my comprehension. Thank You that regardless of circumstances You are unchanging! James 1:17 states that 'Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning!' What an awesome truth and vivid picture You present. Never darkness, never a shadow cast by You! You are light, Jesus! John 8:12, by Your very own words Jesus, You said, "I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life." Life! Thank You for all You are teaching me, Lord, about life in You and what that means for my daily living. That because of Your death on the cross, Jesus, and the fact that You were raised to life again I am no longer dead in my trespasses and sins, I have life! That salvation is not just something You did for me, it is actually You, Jesus Christ, living in me! Because You live in me 2 Peter 1:3 says, Your divine power, Jesus, has given me everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of You! You who call me by Your own glory and goodness! I do not have to continue to live a defeated life bemoaning my faults, failings, sins and beating myself up. I can rest in the assurance that You died once for all my sins and made me, through Yourself, the righteousness of God the Father through Your overflow of grace (Romans 5:17)! What an awesome truth and an incredible phrase, 'the overflow of grace' is, God! I know the overflow of Your grace, I am experiencing it like never before and I am so grateful! Thank You, Jesus! Forgive me for not completely trusting what You did for me on the cross, for so many years living as though I still needed to confess better somehow, or be more sorry, straighten myself up before I was acceptable to You, really loved by You. Such lies and bondage I have lived in, thank You for rescuing me! Thank You for growing me moment by moment through out my life and for opening my eyes so clearly lately! For showing me that I can 'make every effort to supplement my faith with goodness... knowledge... self-control... endurance... godliness... brotherly affection... and love' 2 Peter 1:5-7. That these qualities are mine and they are increasing, keeping me from being useless and unfruitful in the knowledge of You, Jesus (2 Pe. 1:8). You alone, Jesus, offered Yourself as the One and Only sacrifice so that I would no longer be under the law! Help me to stop falling into the trap of trying to live according to the law! In You, alone, Jesus, I have redemption through Your blood, the forgiveness of my trespasses and sins, according to the riches of Your grace, Your glorious grace that You have lavished on me with all wisdom and understanding (Ephesians 1:7-8)! ME! God You are so worthy of all my praise! All the glory! 'From You and through You and to You are all things! To You, Jesus, be the glory forever. AMEN!' (Romans 11:36)
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