Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. My heart pants, my strength fails me; As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
Psalm 142:1-3a
I cry out to the LORD with my voice; with my voice to the LORD I make my supplication. I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare before Him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me. Then You knew my path.
Psalm 30:5b
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
John 16:33
These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.
Revelation 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain for the former things have passed away.
As I have been reading Daily Light with Anne Graham Lotz and just thinking the last few days I find that I am still in this season of sighing, of mourning, of sadness and truly the light in my eyes has gone from me. I find that I have no expression on my face these days. For some reason one of my 'tribulations' or 'trials' in this life Chronic Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder - I know - what a title, but trust me when I say it is as big as it sounds. I have been in this particular "battle" (and a battle it is -
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,fn against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
|
Anyway, as I am reading and listening, God is revealing to me many of the lies I believe and live as well as the fact that I often battle the wrong things. The question is, Am I 'taking up the whole armor of God, that (I) may be able withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand"(Ephesians 6:13)? I am trying but I am also realizing how much I miss the mark, but praise God, He does not!!!
I find that this 'night of weeping' is lasting way longer than I want it to - with new reasons to 'weep' cropping up regularly it seems and yet I trust and I know that joy will come in the morning. How do I know? Because my LORD promises. The thing is I do not get to choose how long my mourning lasts, nor do you; however we do know that we win in the end. I personally cannot wait until the day when there are no more tears and no more pain. I have never been a crier (even in the depression throughout the years) but now ... a crier I am. This frustrates me to no end and yet His Word says in Psalm 56:8b that God "put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" - so my tears matter to Him. Amazing, isn't He?!
Father God, I find that I have much more to say but I will just take it to You. Thank You for allowing me to have this voice to share Your Word and my journey. Please God, help me to walk this path Your way and not my own. Thank You that though I do not understand the whys You allow me to discuss them with You. Thank You that though I do not like this particular path You have me on that You are trustworthy and true! Thank You that it is okay to cry and that my tears matter to You. I pray that I will not be stuck in my own emotions but rather be overwhelmed by You and Your Word. Help me to do my part but mainly to stand back, to be still and allow You to have Your way, Your will in me. Jesus, thank You for Your sacrifice. Thank You for understanding me and loving me, period. May I have Your joy again. I praise You that despite this 'hormonal imbalance' I do often have Your peace in the midst of the storm. I praise You that You always walk with me, that You never ever leave me or forsake me, no matter what I think or feel, You just cannot because You promise You won't. Please God use Your Word and this opportunity for vulnerability to minister to someone. May they know that they are not alone... You are with them and there are others that walk a similar path to theirs. You are in charge, God. You know the big picture and You know best...thank You.
No comments:
Post a Comment