Yep, so I obviously have this thing for looking up words in the dictionary! It's fun, you should try it ;) A very sweet lady I once knew, MeMaw, would keep a college dictionary handy and often looked up words! I think of her whenever I am wondering about a new word or want to know more about one that is familiar (actually this is only one of the things that triggers a memory of her for me, there are many!) Thinking of her always makes me smile! She was only in my life a short time but her impact on me and my family has been truly profound. She loved people, period. Her love for the Lord was evident in her very presence, by her smile, her attention and her genuine caring. I miss her voice, her smile, her hugs, just her. I am thankful she is in heaven with Jesus, but I miss her a lot! I wish she were here to talk with me right now, I know she would have some really great wisdom for me. Instead I will remember. I am thankful for the memories.
Enough, I am on random overdrive today it seems! So many thoughts are running through my mind. I need to focus and yet it is difficult. Here is the thing that I am probably avoiding so I'll just spit it out. I am probably the only one who needs to hear this over and over again, this annoys me, but it is the fact, I need to hear from God that He accepts me for who I am. I do not have to be like MeMaw, like many others whom I admire in order for God to love me. Silly, I know, but I so struggle with this. I must chose over and over again to believe God, to take Him at His Word. I am acceptable because of Jesus, not because of what I do or say, don't do or don't say! One day, maybe I will get this. I mean, I am progressing, I am moving forward but some days it seems more like the three steps forward two steps back kind of progress. This irritates me. Am I the only one who actually gets on her own nerves??? Insecurity, ugh!
This is my opportunity to flesh out how to take my thoughts captive once again, I guess. All I know is I need the Lord to guide me in this Journey, all the time. I love the process of searching His Word, of seeking Him until I receive that peace that only He can give. Why do I so often run from Him? It's not like I can get away or even that I want to but more often than not I chose my own way first, rather than His. I want to change. I want Him to transform me! My human efforts cannot cause change that lasts. Only His divine power can do that. Here is my heart cry...
Psalm 143:8 (HCSB) Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You.
Psalm 143:8 (NIV) Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
Psalm 143:8 (NASB) Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8 (NLT) Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You.
Psalm 143:8 (AMP) Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You.
How cool is it to see all these translations together! I know I am easily excited, but somebody has to be. Let's look at this verse. Take it apart and apply it. Again, this is just me, no Bible scholar, so check all that I say with His Word. He is in charge.
The word, let (cause)...when I read that the first thing I notice is the fact that I must humble myself. I must ask, I must be willing to listen in order for Him to work. His Word tells me often that He will be found if I seek Him, that He will work, He will encourage, He wants to be sought after! (Deut. 4:29, 2 Chr. 7:14, Ps. 14:2; 27:8; 105:4; Pro. 8:17, Jer. 29:13, Heb. 11:6).
I don't get to just say, 'Hey, God, let me see You this morning.' That is only the start, there is so much more. After I determine that I want to see God, I then must be willing to listen, to see. Which means I must trust Him, have faith that He is Who He says He is. It is up to Him to open my eyes, my ears to enable me to experience His faithful love, His unfailing love, His lovingkindness. He will even grow my faith and my trust in Him, but it is through His Word, through meeting with Him, not just walking on my way and saying okay God, You show up today, but I am going on about my business. No! To experience Him I must trust Him, lean on Him. Am I really willing to submit, first thing (and over and over again) and humble myself to His ways? Only then will I really experience Him!
I love how the NIV says, 'bring me word of Your unfailing love!' I am only just realizing, really realizing the joy that His TRUTH, His WORD can bring; how many lies or half-truths I have exchanged for the Truth of His Word over the years. I had good intentions; however I had more knowledge than trust in Him, belief. Make sense? I would read, hear a sermon, whatever and think I would know what God meant, but then I would filter it through my emotions, my experiences rather than hold my emotions and my experiences up to the Truth. I would believe a lie.
For example, I have spent years knowing that Romans 8:37-39 is Truth; and yet in my mind and in my actions I lived life as if it wasn't. I have not lived a life that 'is more than victorious through Christ.' Knowing that His Word says that 'nothing can separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus my Lord' didn't mean that I really lived it. Oh, I would catch on occasionally. I would get it and enjoy the peace that only His Truth can bring, but then I would guilt myself or allow the accuser to convince me that God really did not mean that about me, I mean after all if He did why would I continue to feel this way, and on and on.
Now, I KNOW THAT I KNOW, that His Truth is all that can dispel the lies. Do I still battle? I think that is obvious; however on this Journey I am learning to battle less (or perhaps battle differently) and trust more. His unfailing love, His faithful love hasn't got anything to do with me! It is all about Him! He will enable me, He will let me, cause me, allow me to experience Him! He does the work! I must learn to trust, to rest, to be! I have been taught my entire life to perform, to act a certain way, to take care of myself, and what others didn't tell me or expect of me, I did for myself! This is a lie! I cannot take care of myself! I cannot. He, though, He can, He will and He does take care of me!!! Of you! Praise God! I am so thankful!
Look at the adjectives describing Him and His love here: faithful, unfailing, lovingkindness! Great words! Such hope and joy found in Him and in knowing Him for Who He really is. We must stop looking at Him through our lenses, our experiences, our emotions and look at Him in His Word and chose to trust Him and take Him at His Word! This is victorious living!
So we say we trust Him, I say I trust Him. What shows that this is true, I mean really true? That I experience His love, that He reveals, shows, teaches, causes me to know the way in which I should walk. It is a process. Do you see it? If I say I trust Him then I will experience Him and I will rest and trust in knowing that He will show me the way to walk. I do not know about You, but so often I feel guilty if I have peace. What? I mean come on be honest with me, if I am not worried about something or trying to figure it out I feel like I must not be seeking God or obeying Him or I am doing something wrong, surely! WHAT!!! That is a lie straight from the pit of hell, but I live this lie more often than not! If I trust God then I will experience His peace, I will. The reason His peace is so fleeting is because of my lack of real trust in Him. It is not His weakness or His lack, but mine!
I think the church and the 'Christian-ease' that we all speak so fluently has caused a lot of confusion and a lot of wasted guilt. We think we need to do more, be more, go more, etc. When the reality is what we need more of is the TRUTH in our lives, more time in the Word, more time praying. Then we will do! He wants us to serve, but with a right heart, not just because something needs to be done! Perhaps, less needs to be done!!! Just saying! After all the Word says, when we seek God, when we let Him reveal His lovingkindness He will then show us how to walk. We, or at least, I make this so much harder than it has to be. I spend so much time on the 'I shoulds' (yes, that is a new word ;), on thinking about what I ought to have done or be doing rather than looking to God and trusting Him with my life, with my words, with my actions, my family, EVERYTHING!
Alright, look at it. The Word in verse 8 says, I need to long for Him, entrust Him with my life, give myself to Him, lift up my soul, my inner self! Do you get it? The action that I need to take isn't doing more, being more it is looking to Him more! We are busy at the wrong things!!! The coolest part is that He doesn't even leave me to do this part in my own strength! He causes the longing, He causes the hunger and the thirst, He enables us to trust in Him, to grow with His strength and His power! (Is. 40:29) He will give us the desire and the ability to seek Him, to thirst for Him. The more we look for Him the more that we want of Him! It's a fact! Matt. 5:6, Ps. 63!
I am not suggesting that You seek God as I do. I know that it would drive a lot of you batty to sit as long as I do; but that is the beauty of God! He made us! He accepts each of us! We are all so different, but He accepts us all! He does. We don't get on His nerves. He doesn't tire of us. He anticipates being with us! I know that I know that to get in His Word; in what ever way He leads you is the only way to experience His peace, His joy, HIM. There is nothing more satisfying than experiencing His faithful, unfailing lovingkindness! The more I see Him the more I trust Him. So when the 'gut-kicks' come, the trials, the pain and do they ever come, then and only then am I able to do more than survive, I can thrive. I can trust and then rest. To me trusting means letting go. Trusting God means experiencing the joy of knowing He is in control. He will handle everything! If there is anything I need to do I can trust Him to show me! Instead of growing in this trust through the years I have thought to be 'more mature', 'more responsible', to grow in my faith, to be a godly wife, a godly mom meant that I needed to do more activities, more service, more teaching, more telling, more, more, more! Wrong! I only need more of Jesus!!! Less of me! More of Him! To be free, to be victorious! I so hope you will join me in this Journey His Way! Your Journey will not look like mine, be thankful ;) but it will look like He wants your journey to look!!! It is an incredible journey! Try Him...He will show you!!!
Thank You, God for Your Word! For You!
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