Hebrews 4:10-12, For the person who has entered His rest has rested from his own works, just as God Did from His. Let us then make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall in to the same patter of disobedience. For the Word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to the divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judgeof the ideas and thoughts of the heart.
I have much on my mind this morning. I know, what is new!? However, in working through the study guide for 'Classic Christianity' by Bob George, I am seeing things more and more clearly. I am thankful, but I tell you the battle that I am in is fierce! As I was reading different verses that the study led me to about my identity in Christ and on into the topic of being loved and accepted I am blown away once again. A quote by Bob George resonates, "In Christ we are children of God. We are loved perfectly, accepted totally, and seen as perfect in God's eyes. This is our identity in Christ. When we grasp who we are we will go free. We will be free to serve others and to look after other people's interests, not just our own. There we will find true meaning and purpose to life." I am tasting that freedom, that life in Christ like never before and yet the battle to keep me bound is on! I know that God is mighty and He is able and He will set me free, but I have to continually choose to know the Truth, to be set free (John 8:32).
As I was reading the Lord led me to Hebrews 4:10. I was supposed to be Hebrews 4:16. "Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." Instead, first I went to verse 10. Random coincidence, you say? No way! God is so getting my attention! This was no coincidence, this is Him continuing to set me free!!! I have mentioned many times that I am battling with this whole principle, this whole life change really, of being still and knowing the He is God! Psalm 46:10. The Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) states it like this, 'Stop your fighting -- and know that I am God.'
So, here goes, an explanation, a working through, not an excuse. I have spent my entire life fighting! What did I say and what do I mean? Well, I have spent my life fighting to prove that I am acceptable, that I am lovable, that I am worthy, that I am strong, endeavoring to be liked, to be wanted. In my flesh, in my own strength, in my life it has been necessary to take care of myself, particularly emotionally and relationally. I have always been well provided for from a human perspective, there was a sense of being wanted; however it was always overshadowed with the knowing that I was wanted when I did what I was supposed to do.
Therefore, I lived and truthfully still live, a life in the shadow of fear and desperate need for approval. This has biased everything I have ever thought or done. Unconditional love was a foreign concept for me and still one that I battle with on a daily basis internally. What I have done is try to be perfect. Now, I know better than anyone that I am not perfect and can never be, but that has not stopped me from expecting perfection from myself. Thus, the Lord has His mighty hands full trying to change someone who has spent a lifetime 'surviving' and even 'thriving' by acting better, doing more, helping, pleasing, fighting for myself and basically being self-centered and self-focused at least on the inside. Constantly worried about how things will appear, am I doing 'it' right. will I make someone mad, will they leave me, do they really love me, they wouldn't if they really knew the real me and on and on and on. Do you see the bondage? Do you see the lies?
What is my point? The actions, attitudes, habits and emotions that I have lived by are NOT THE TRUTH and because I have lived by them in some form or fashion for 43 years I am in the battle of my life trying to be set free. Now the fact is that God through His Word is setting me free; however I must submit to His lead and obey Him. This is the hard part! This is where I desperately need your prayer. I have issues, we all do, mine are emotional though and thus they tend to trick me before I even realize it. I am under intense attack from the enemy of my soul and my own flesh on a moment by moment basis. Am I making any sense? Again, I am not excusing myself I am simply trying to be open and real and be set free, truly set free. Every tiny breakthrough seems to come with an intense battle for relief from my emotions, from the lies that are so big in my feelings that they often overshadow the Truth just by there mere presence. The fact is I am still fighting! Do you see it? I so do! I am living it! Now, God in His mercy and grace has made me a fighter in a good way, a way that has enabled me to get this far so to speak and to want change! I have been fighting for change inside me and in the way I do things since I was 15 years old. I want God to break the chains of bondage that come from family history and from my own choices to sin. So the concept of rest that God continues to show me, to give me a taste of is so foreign to me that I fight it and yet He continues to get my attention and provide it! Glory to God! He is so good! He is so faithful!
Look at Hebrews 4:10-12. Verse 10 literally seemed to jump off the page at me! 'For the person who has entered His rest has rested from His own works, just as God did from His.'
Here are the things that God is showing me. Tammy, you have entered into God's rest, you know that He has given you salvation through His Son, Jesus and that He has given you life because of His resurrection. You know it and you know Him and you believe it and you believe Him and yet still you fight. You are still fighting the wrong things. You are fighting to be accepted, you are fighting to be loved and you are fighting to trust God and take Him at His Word. So what do I need to do? Well, the Lord tells me in verse 11, 'let us make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' What? I need to use this ability He has given me to fight, to make every effort (see that? for me is to fight) to enter His rest! I must resist the enemy and he has to flee, James 4:7, but how? BY SUBMITTING MYSELF TO GOD, my emotions, my habits, my lack of trust, etc. I must fight to take every thought captive, 2 Corinthians 10:5, every thought that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and make it obedient to Christ!
This choice to rest from my own works is a fight that I cannot win unless I continually give the fight to Christ and rest in the Truth of His Word. For me this is one of the toughest battles I have ever faced and yet when I chose to allow Him to fight for me, I know freedom and joy like never before! Again, it is a process and I don't want to wait, I want it all now! But you see, that is heaven, that is the ultimate victory and yet I do not have to continue to live with my head down, stiff-necked, and exhausted because I am trying to fight in my own strength. Did you see the rest of verse 11? 'So that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.' That is me! I keep falling into the same pattern of disobedience because I am trying to fight the very rest He has provided! He has already provided every single thing I need or will ever need I must accept that I have entered into His rest! To take Him at His Word and trust Him, period! How??? Through His Word!!!
Hebrews 4:12, For the Word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart!
He does the work! My efforts need to go into entering His rest, submitting myself to Him, allowing Him to judge the ideas and thoughts of my heart, taking my thoughts captive by KNOWING HIS WORD AND TRUSTING HIS WORD! "By the mercies of God" I am to "present (my) body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is (my) spiritual worship." I am not to be "conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of (my) mind, so that (I) may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." My weakness, my inability to win the fight in my emotions sets me up for His ability to pour out His sufficient grace upon me, for His power to be made perfect, for when I am weak He is made strong, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I have plead for years for Him to take away this depression completely; He has not, but what He has done is far more glorious! He has made me utterly dependent upon Him and when I try to fight Him, then I am miserable! He has used the depression and the ADHD to place me in a position that allows Him to be all I need! Otherwise I would continue to try to be self-sufficient, to take care of myself, and try to meet the needs of those around me in my own strength. He has brought me to my knees and continues to do so and I am so grateful! I have true joy now like never before! I am learning that my 'faith must not be based on men's wisdom but on God's power', 1 Corinthians 2:5, that I need to rest in Him, to stop fighting, to receive the rest that He has so graciously provided already! I do not have to wait until heaven to experience rest, victory, hope, joy, peace, etc. or to experience Him!
To rest is not to do nothing, to rest is to trust Him fully and completely and use every effort in me to abide in Him and allow Him to abide in me. I am to remain in Him and He will bear much fruit in me because without Him I can do nothing, John 15:4-5. If I want to fight it needs to be for the right things, to have the 'goal to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering' Philippians 3:10.
Please God transform me, change me on the inside where it matters! Forgive me for fighting for the wrong things, for fighting You and Your provision. For allowing my emotions to so often overwhelm be and be the truth that I live by, when actually they are a lie! May I take Your Word and hide it in my heart that I might not sin against You! (Psalm 119:11) Forgive me, Father, for falling into the same pattern of disobedience over and over again. Thank You that in Your mercy, grace, forgiveness and love that You never leave me there that You continually reach out and touch me, get my attention and correct me! I am beyond grateful to be Your child, Lord and I so want to bring You glory! I so want to be free, to live a life that is surrendered to You, that doesn't not continue to look to myself and my needs! Forgive me God for being so self-focused, for being so concerned with my own comfort and my own needs! Please open my eyes to what You have me to do and help me to rest in knowing that You are in charge, that I need not worry about failing You because You are the One who will provide everything. Help me to truly grasp that I cannot earn anything because You have already provided it all. Please bind Satan, in the Name of Jesus, from the havoc he tries to reck in my emotions, from whispering the lies that I have believed for so long. May I know Your Truth and have Your eyes to see the deception for what it is and resist him. Thank You for the promise that He must flee. For the fact that You are mighty and I need not fear the enemy, my flesh or anyone else. You are trustworthy and You will guide me and never ever turn Your back on me regardless of what I feel! May I learn to trust You more and get better at ignoring my feelings. I want more of You, God, please, You increase and help me to decrease! Thank You for the promise of Your Word, that if I confess my sin, You are faithful and just to forgive me of my sins and purify me from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. As if that were not enough God, You even go so far as to remove my sin from me as far as the east is to the west, Psalm 103:12! Micah 1:19 says that you will cast my sins into the depths of the sea. God, You promise in Hebrews 8:12, that You will be merciful and forgive my wrongdoings and You will never again remember my sin! Praise You, God! You are so amazing! I am overwhelmed by Your faithfulness once again. I am so undeserving and yet because of Jesus, I am Your child! My identity is found in You alone!
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